48 clean jokes

March 24, 2017, 11:49 AM

Ripley

Thanks, worth the effort.

9. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Set the controls for the heart of the Sun.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

"If dogs don't go to Heaven, I want to go where they go" Will Rogers

The definition of the words we used, carry a meaning of their own...

March 24, 2017, 12:25 PM

archerman

Hahahahahaaaa

Wife says to her programmer husband, "Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen."

Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.

March 24, 2017, 01:16 PM

Rey HRH

I like this one:

7. I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.

"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946.

March 24, 2017, 01:58 PM

PHPaul

23. My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.

I said "40"

I'm embarrassed to admit that it took several seconds for that to sink in.

Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles

March 24, 2017, 03:00 PM

jhe888

Not from the list, but another logician joke:

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks “Do all of you want a drink?” The first logician says “I don’t know.” The second logician says “I don’t know.” The third logician says “Yes!”

The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything.

March 24, 2017, 03:02 PM

dsiets

quote:
Originally posted by PHPaul:
23. My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.

I said "40"

I'm embarrassed to admit that it took several seconds for that to sink in.

I had to read that one twice before it sank in.
Meanwhile, I still don't get #6.

Anyone? What am I missing?

March 24, 2017, 03:49 PM

roberth

quote:
Originally posted by nasig:
ha there's some good ones there

Yeah there are!

March 24, 2017, 03:58 PM

dsiets

quote:
Originally posted by Fredward:
He wasn't going to talk about the elephant in the room.

Ah, thanks.

March 24, 2017, 05:30 PM

wishfull thinker

quote:
Originally posted by PHPaul:
23. My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.

I said "40"

I'm embarrassed to admit that it took several seconds for that to sink in.

me too, both counts, embarrassed and more than a few seconds.

_______________________

March 24, 2017, 06:12 PM

Lord Vaalic

quote:
Originally posted by Rey HRH:
I like this one:

7. I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.

This one made me laugh hard

Don't weep for the stupid, or you will be crying all day

March 24, 2017, 06:20 PM

mbinky

Those are good! Gave me a good chuckle.

2. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

March 24, 2017, 08:03 PM

zoom6zoom

Purple is my favorite color! I like it more than blue and red combined.

I have my own style of humor. I call it Snarkasm.

P226 9 mm
P229 .357 SIG
Glock 17
AR15 Spikes - Noveske - Daniel Defense Frankenbuild

SigP229R
Harry Callahan "A man has got to know his limitations".
Teddy Roosevelt "Talk soft carry a big stick"
I Cor10: 13 "1611KJV"