Sorta...divorce mediation set for April 7th. Everything's up in the air including me. If anyone has any insight into this process I'd appreciate it.Your thoughts and prayers welcomed.

Thanks

Will you have legal representation present?

Sorry forgot to mention thanks to Jose in Tampa and Arties. Just didn't gleam much from the phone chat as my mind wasn't ..that focused.

Edit to add she quit claimed me to the house shortly after the marriage. The marriage lasted less than three years and there are no kids involved. I brought the proceeds of my paid off home into the marriage also. This is all new to me and that's why I ask.

Tony, i am pulling for you. Keep us upto speed as best you can. God Bless.

Thank you

prayers sent. Wishing a quick resolution and the ability to move forward

quote:

Originally posted by Tonyny:
Edit to add she quit claimed me to the house shortly after the marriage. The marriage lasted less than three years and there are no kids involved. I brought the proceeds of my paid off home into the marriage also. This is all new to me and that's why I ask.

Sure sounds like this bitch is an evil, gold digging hag.

All I can provide is encouragement to keep your head up and move forward. Hang in there.

Thanks bros

quote:

Originally posted by Tonyny:
Sorry forgot to mention thanks to Jose in Tampa and Arties. Just didn't gleam much from the phone chat as my mind wasn't ..that focused.

Edit to add she quit claimed me to the house shortly after the marriage. The marriage lasted less than three years and there are no kids involved. I brought the proceeds of my paid off home into the marriage also. This is all new to me and that's why I ask.

Huh??

Make sure the settlement really is what you want. Many people give in just to get it over with and 6 months later are PO'd with the terms and want to change them. By that time it is generally too late. You have to get it right the first time.

Tony, sorry I don't remember any details of your situation, so this is a more general response. Fwiw I divorced a few months ago and we did it all with mediation.

1) Do consult with an atty to know generally what a court would say. Many will give a free 15-30 minute consult where you can find out how things generally go where you live. You can hire an atty by the hour to give you advice and review documents.

2) What is fair or right is not necessarily anything like a court would impose. Meaning, strive for fair regardless of what a judge might say. Your mediator or stbxw may try to force on you "well the court would say you're wrong". Bullshit. In my case there was a large inheritance (hers) which the court would not consider but certainly is a big part of what is fair.

3) Almost every divorce is ultimately decided by agreement between the spouses. The judge rarely ends up imposing a settlement onto intransigent parties. So, you might as well find a way to come to agreement in mediation.

4) Don't be afraid to walk away from mediation or to think about something overnight before agreeing. The mediator may push for you to finalize things before you leave a session. If you don't feel good about the deal, take a bit of time to let it settle in your mind one way or the other.

5) Speed is likely to the benefit of one or the other of you. If it is to your favor, move fast and get her to agree to what is important to you.

6) Ask for what you want, give away the unimportant stuff to get what you want. Don't fight over every last item. But do get something in return for what you give up. And then hold the line on the things which really are important to you.

7) Expect to be surprised and pissed off about something. The unexpected will happen. For me it was my tools. She wanted half my tools, and it hit me viscerally. I did not expect her to want half the tools, and I didn't expect to respond so strongly to something like that. This is when you may have to say this one goes on the back burner for a while and you'll come back to it later. Or it may be something you hold the line on right there. Just be aware of your anger level and don't let that rule your reaction.

8) Divorce brings out the worst in people. Don't expect your stbxw to be nice, logical, or fair in anything.

9) It may be best to have a lawyer review the agreement before you sign it if you're not sure about it.

10) You may want to have a lawyer prepare important documents rather than utilize something you found on the internet. You said she already signed a quit claim. I paid a lawyer to do the quit claim and to file a lien to be sure it was done properly. If you have other documents involved it may be worth getting a lawyer to prepare them.

11) Gather all your info well before mediation. You can likely download divorce forms from your state website. Those can be helpful in showing what kinds of information you should gather for mediation.

Good luck, I'm trying to avoid a similar situation myself.

Went through this in 2011. The mediator is not there for your soon to be ex wife or you if this is done correctly.
The mediator is there to put on paper what you two decide on. Basically who gets what and who pays for what if applicable. The mediator also will file everything for both of you.
I went in very calm and it went smoothly. I don't know if you're talking to your wife or not but I did and we pretty much settled everything before we went in except for child support.
If you decide to get your own lawyer, don't be surprised if she gets one too. It can then get nasty and drawn out.
Definitely read all the documents that the mediator draws up including the divorce agreement. Most are put in fairly easy to understand terms.
If you don't agree with something, don't blow up. That will put more distance between the both of you and make it harder to come to a resolution. Unfortunately, you're gonna have to talk to each other. If you both get lawyers, they do the talking and draw it out.
Try to make it as smooth as possible and get away as clean as you can.

Tony, I haven't been through a divorce in 35 years (my only one) but I would definitely get legal counsel. One thing to remember don't give in to get this over with. Give in when the costs will exceed the benefits. You only get one shot at this. Good luck!

Tony- I have nothing substantial to add except my thoughts and prayers.
Fly-Sig's comments do seem to make sense.

Best of luck!

Good to hear from you and hope all goes well in the hearing for you. Hope your health continues to improve.

Thanks Eddie and Aquabird

When I divorced, I handed her a legal pad and told her to write down what she wanted....

I gave her all of it...

There was no way I was gonna get my kid (I was on active duty and subject to transfer worldwide)

It was worth it.

You can have an atty in the background which she doesn't know about. That way you get legal advice but you don't have to get the lawyers in the room arguing for you.

OP has a lawyer so my comment is just general. I strongly advocate consulting with a lawyer just to get the real facts for where you live, rather than relying on friends or the internet.

Some things like doing a quit claim deed or filing a particular form with the court may seem simple but you don't want to get it wrong. It could come back to bite you in the ass in the future.

Just recognize your limitations and pull in the professionals as needed in the background.