I’ve posted a number of times about my grand father because he is who I have to thank for me being the man I am today. Since I grew up with my Dad living 900 miles away and seeing him 2 or 3 times
a year it was gramps that taught me what I really needed to know in life and for that I am eternally grateful.
The Alzheimer’s/dementia started showing about 10 years ago and has been very slow going and some medications seemed to stop or even roll back some of the memory issues. He always knew who I was without issue. Sure he would repeat the same old stories or just talk about the weather but they were all stories that actually happened.
With all the Covid stuff they stayed longer in Florida than usual and was concerned about going around them so I have not actually seen him since November outside of FaceTime.
His legs have really been giving him issues and is falling multiple times a week. Last year I put up a temporary ramp that sufficed but knew I would need to do a better one.
So I went up today to put up a better ramp. I came in to say hello and he just kind of smiled and waved then looked back at the TV. Granny tried to get him to realize who I was with some different questions. She finally asked if he knew who I was and used my name. Just kind of looked at me and said “what’s left of him” smiled and back to the TV.
He had just woken up for the day so I went to work on the ramp, grabbed some lunch, and did some other errands for them.
Went to say good bye. He smiled and waved. As I was walking away he said hey I want to tell you something I don’t think you know. He then said I was in the FBI and got to travel the world. They sent me to Hawaii and that was my favorite. He said sit down and I’ll tell you about me being an FBI Agent. Not going to lie, I was not ready for that not ready for that at all.
Gramps left home at 18 from rural Kentucky and headed to Michigan because Chrysler and GM were good places to work in the 40s. He then went to Korea and when he got back had a cousin who worked at Formica in Cincinnati where he went on to work for 30 some years and retired. After retirement grandma and grandpa travelled the world with Hawaii being one of his favorite places but his world travels were strictly thanks to the Army and a lot of hard work at Formica not the FBI.
I told gramps next time I would sit with him to hear the stories. I’ve been hit pretty hard with some things in life but man that I was not ready for. I held it together for about 5 minutes to gather my things and say good bye to granny.
Got in the truck and lost it. Gained some composure cranked up some metal music and rolled the windows down and drove 2 hours home.
Wife is putting the kiddos to bed as I type this and we’ll talk about our day here in a little bit. Hopefully I can get with it and figure out how to deal with it for myself and to be there for my gramps but also my granny and mom.
Guess it is time to start researching memory care facilities. Granny is a tough cookie but she won’t be able to do it once he does not know who she is.

Black,

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Your Grandfather sounds like an incredible person.

My Mother is in the early stages of this dreaded disease. She is still able to live with my Step-Father in their retirement community, but we have come to the realization that at 93, our Step-Father will not be able to assist her long-term.

It is absolutely heartbreaking, but something we will have to deal with.

I have broken down more than once. It just is not fair, but these are the cards we have been dealt.

I will say a prayer for you and your Grandfather this evening.

I wish I could offer something more, sadly I cannot.

Dude, you're an exemplary human being, and the type of American that makes our country great. That's a testament to your grandfather, and what he helped you to become. THAT'S who he is, not what you're seeing right now. I know that you already know this, and just wanted to remind you, and hopefully encourage you. I'm very sorry that you're all going through this. You'll be in my prayers.

Sorry that you are having to go through this.

It sucks. . There is no easy way to say it and it will get worse..

My paternal grandfather who I looked up to had that dreaded disease and it about killed me.

He was a clydesdale of a man and by the time he passed in hospice he had shrunken down to nothing and looked like he came out of a death camp.

I spent many many days with him when I was growing up. He never made it passed the 8th grade but he was mechanically inclined and could fix anything. We also used to get in to some touch and go situations and he was always down to get a piece of dessert or hamburger.

He fought in every hot spot there was through the Pacific Island Campaign: Leyte, Philippines, New Guinea, Solomon Islands (I believe)
I am missing one though.

He was assigned to a Surveillance/Intelligence unit that had a radar section attached to it. My dad said that over 3/4 of the guys had been to all the tech schools, college etc.. but 9 times out of 10 my grandfather had to help them fix things.

My grandfather always said he was there to snoop and poop along with being their bodyguard.

It was a couple of years after my grandma passed away that he started the slide.

Jeremy, I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this.

Take cares I am sorry for this. Prayers out to you, your grandpa, and your family.

All our prayers for God’s grace and mercy in this season for you and your family. Cherish those good memories while you have to navigate the new realities.

Sorry you have to go through this.

I don't know if "memory care" will help, how much you can believe about it, or what it costs.

My experience was to put my mom in a facility that could take care of her, that was relatively "affordable," and close enough to me that I could check on/visit her regularly.

I'm sorry this is happening. My maternal grandmother passed from Alzheimer's back in 83. It was hard to watch because she was so youthful in spite of her years. She and my Gramps were Kansas farmers way back when. They had the barn, pitchforks, stoic expressions......the whole nine yards. When the feds ran a highway through the middle of one of their fields around WWII, my Grammy told me she and Gramps strolled out there on night before the highway opened and made love in the middle of the road. She said they christened the highway and chuckled. I was young and the story grossed me out. Now it makes me smile at what it tells me of her and Gramps personalities.

All of these decades later I miss them. I try to focus on the good times rather than the difficult end. It helps to think one day they were young like you. I still have Gramps' old Hopkins revolver he used to carry while working the fields. "For varmints", he said. It was so full of Kansas field dust that the cylinder barely turned. I cleaned and oiled it; put it in the safe. These are our progenitors. We don't stand on their shoulders so much as they support us on them. That's their willing sacrifice. It's the same one we make for our children and theirs.

That's who your Grandpa is.

My dad had Alzheimer’s. I concur that you need to look for a place that will take care of him. Visit the place a couple of times. It’s okay if the place smells like pee. But you want to see them out in the hallways during the day.

Some turn violent; hopefully your grandpa won’t. My dad didn’t.

If you need to talk for moral support or advice, email me.

I have heard Alzheimer's described as "the silver tsunami". Apropos, given how it devastates families.
Best wishes to you and your family.

So sorry. My mom just turned 90 and is mostly there, but I see some of this creeping in. It's hard. Prayers for you.

My maternal grandmother died of this at age 95. My mother started showing signs at 85, just like my grandmother, so we all know what's coming.

It's ugly, nasty and a horrible way to go. You can't say it any nicer or any better.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Flashlightboy,

I too, am saddened to hear you are going through this.

I lost my mother in 2011 to Alzheimer's. I should say she passed in 2011. I think we all but completely lost her somewhere around 2008. Once I got home from a trip to see her and wept as if she was already passed because I realized I would effectively never get to talk to her again. I did my real mourning long before she passed.

The pain has faded a bit, but I am still writing this with an impending 'blurry monitor'.

When it gets worse, the oldest memories are the ones you can call them back with. I used to get mom to talk a tiny bit by showing her a picture of her father and asking her: who is that? Sometimes I would say something that my maternal grandfather or grandmother would say and ask: who used to say that? It rarely failed.

It also helped some to read some books about the disease so you have some idea of what they are going through. One book said it was like your senses all connected through an old timey switchboard, and the operator was connecting the wrong things together. Good lighting is more important than you would think. The eyes play tricks, especially when shadows are involved. Noises from unseen sources can be confusing. It has been hypothesized that they might be getting senses mixed, like being able to taste an odor, or see a sound, if you can imagine that.

There is also a thing in nursing homes that they call sundowning. because most just kind of shut down with the sun every day.

I hope it doesn't seem like I'm trying to make it worse for you. It really does help some to have at least some rudimentary ability to try and imagine what life can be like from their perspective.

Talk to him, even if he doesn't seem to hear. He will have less lucid moments as it goes on. Take all you can get. God bless you.

I am glad you are there to support your grandmother in this. God Bless you and your family Jeremy.

Very touching story, and unfortunately, many people have experienced the ravages of Alzheimers.

My MIL is 85 and was diagnosed 12 or 13 years ago. She is in a SLOW decline. My FIL died suddenly last December. He was utterly devoted to caring for her and did everything for her the last 4-5 years. They had a LOT of money saved up which is a good thing, because it will cost 150k per year to care for her at a facility and a one-to-one caregiver 7 days per week. Her mother lived with Alzheimers well into her 90s.

Black,
I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Going through this with my mom now. She's in her 90's and she is reliving all the abuse from her mother's men "friends" she endured as a child.

Now that all the repressed secrets are coming out, I now know why she was such a monster growing up.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is incredibly hard watching a loved one deteriorate before your eyes. My grandpa is going through the same thing. It's to the point now where we had to put him in a home because he has regressed to the level of a toddler. Stay strong and appreciate the man he was and what he made you become.

I'm very sorry to here about your Grandpa, Black. You're not alone...my Grandma went through the same thing. In the end, she had an MI and was probably gone before she even hit the floor. I can empathize...