Memorize this, learn to clap your hands and say awhh hawh!!!
"Pacifism is a shifty doctrine under which a man accepts the benefits of the social group without being willing to pay - and claims a halo for his dishonesty." ~Robert A. Heinlein
April 20, 2022, 03:47 PM
dsiets
Isn't there a story about a gentlemen from the Twin Cities that filled in as a judge at a Texas chili cook-off?
April 20, 2022, 04:00 PM
Georgeair
quote:
Originally posted by dsiets: Isn't there a story about a gentlemen from the Twin Cities that filled in as a judge at a Texas chili cook-off?
Why yes there is. Posting link rather than the whole long thing:
1)It's rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock! 2) It's coming a turd floater out there! 3) that's a real frog strangler!
April 20, 2022, 04:43 PM
erj_pilot
And he has to become familiar with Texas jokes that pokes fun with our neighbor to the north. Something like...
"Hey...why does the wind blow so much in Texas?" "Because Oklahoma SUCKS!!!"
And he DAMN well better know what "WOOOP! GIG 'EM" means!!!
Oh! And substituting the use of the word "AIN'T" in lieu of "ISN'T" is TOTALLY acceptable. For example...say your buddy is tellin' a story about when y'all (yeah...use "y'all" a LOT) went fishin' the other day. If he's gettin' it wrong (yeah...and drop the 'g' off -ing words), you pipe up and say, "DAMMIT...I tell you what. That ain't how it went at all!"
"If you’re a leader, you lead the way. Not just on the easy ones; you take the tough ones too…” – MAJ Richard D. Winters (1918-2011), E Company, 2nd Battalion, 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne "Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil... Therefore, as tongues of fire lick up straw and as dry grass sinks down in the flames, so their roots will decay and their flowers blow away like dust; for they have rejected the law of the Lord Almighty and spurned the word of the Holy One of Israel." - Isaiah 5:20,24
April 20, 2022, 06:04 PM
21bubba
He better learn things like Buenos días.
"I'm sorry, did I break your concentration"?
April 20, 2022, 06:24 PM
MikeinNC
“ Where are you from?” Said the waitress to Mrs. Mike when she asked what steak fingers were….
Also, laughing out loud isn’t smart for your personal safety.
"Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor.” Robert A. Heinlein
“You may beat me, but you will never win.” sigmonkey-2020
“A single round of buckshot to the torso almost always results in an immediate change of behavior.” Chris Baker
April 20, 2022, 06:28 PM
Tejas421
"You better smile when you say that, partner."
April 20, 2022, 07:02 PM
doublesharp
When you need to emphasize the size of your mistake - I missed that 8 ball bigger'n Dallas! I tore that truck up bigger'n Dallas
________________________ God spelled backwards is dog
April 20, 2022, 07:14 PM
old rugged cross
Raining like a cow piss'in on a flat rock?
"Practice like you want to play in the game"
April 20, 2022, 07:23 PM
MelissaDallas
He needs a pronunciation guide for Texas towns (Gruene=zgreen, Rio Vista = Rye-o-vista, Joshua = Josh-U-Way, Denton = Dentn, etc. or folks are gonna laugh at him. Ditto Tex-Mex/Mexican restaurant menu pronunciations, else folks are gonna laugh at him.
April 20, 2022, 07:32 PM
MelissaDallas
This would seem to be intuitive, but it is not. Of course, most of us know the correct pronunciation of Casa is coss-a. However, any self-respecting resident of the Dallas neighborhoods of Casa Linda and Casa View only pronounce it Cass-a.
April 20, 2022, 08:30 PM
Sr_Bull
He needs to understand Oklahomans are our red headed inbred step cousins. And jokes abound.
Why do birds fly upside down in Oklahoma?
Cause there ain’t nothing worth shitting on up there!
April 20, 2022, 08:30 PM
tatortodd
After dinner conversations = cussin’ and discussin’
Someone who is all style and no substance = all hat and no cattle
If you’re driving too slow, Cops will pull you over to tell you to “get your ass in gear”
When I first moved here from the Upper Midwest 25 years ago, I was invited to a Christmas party. Every appetizer was fried. I was eating these delicious round, fried objects. Texture was in between a mushroom and a meatball. Coworkers asked me if I knew what I was eating. I didn’t and they responded, “calf fries.” I had no idea wtf that meant so I kept eating. After a few minutes they asked if I knew what a “calf fry” was. I didn’t and after a little laughter they told me same as Rocky Mountain oysters. Didn’t know what that was either so kept eating. They finally hold me the testicles were cut off a calf, breaded, and deep fried. I ate 2 more just to shut ‘em up. I knew I’d never hear the end of it if I gave them any sort of reaction.
Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity
DISCLAIMER: These are the author's own personal views and do not represent the views of the author's employer.
April 20, 2022, 08:39 PM
TexasScrub
"we useta could" is my favorite Texism
Also, do not, and I can't stress this enough, do not put sauce on your BBQ unless you've tasted it first. Good BBQ stands on its own, mediocre BBQ needs sauce. Bad BBQ means you're the only person at the place, and you should turn around and go to Whataburger for a #1 w/cheese (Whatasized, of course).
___________________________ He looked like an accountant or a serial-killer type. Definitely one of the service industries.
April 20, 2022, 10:15 PM
flashguy
quote:
Originally posted by MelissaDallas: He needs a pronunciation guide for Texas towns (Gruene=zgreen, Rio Vista = Rye-o-vista, Joshua = Josh-U-Way, Denton = Dentn, etc. or folks are gonna laugh at him. Ditto Tex-Mex/Mexican restaurant menu pronunciations, else folks are gonna laugh at him.
I disagree. Texans are much too polite to laugh at a newbie that way. I was one 42 years ago and folks were very tolerant of me, for which I was grateful. I still don't sound like a Texan--was raised in Detroit with practically no accent and I don't adopt accents well. I won't try to speak like a Texan because I'd do it badly and I wouldn't want to be seen as poking fun at my hosts.
The folks from Minnesota just need to be good natured, polite folks, helpful to others, and sedulously avoid mentioning how things were done up North. Texans may do things differently, but they do get things done. I love my adopted state!
