I have such a hard time with this one...

• Next time your child is telling you about a challenge he or she is having, consider asking permission before offering solutions or advice.

quote:

Originally posted by h2oys:
I have such a hard time with this one...

• Next time your child is telling you about a challenge he or she is having, consider asking permission before offering solutions or advice.

WTF??? Jesus, why don't we just put the children in charge of the adults.

^^^

Yup, just as soon as they are able to pay all the bills.

Not having children, I can’t play this game.
Being a teacher I have a different suggestion - how about casually asking him/her what solutions are possible?

Then talk through the possible results of each.

Some time ago I heard something I thought was worthy of consideration -

“Sometimes it is not having the right answer that is important, but having the right question”

By asking the right question the child/student has to think through the options himself and come up with the answer.

Simply telling the correct answer is a missed opportunity for his own thinking and learning. Right now you are there as a sounding board to provoke and reflect thought. Get him(her) thinking now. You won’t always be there.

quote:

Originally posted by cruiser68: negativity

quote:

Originally posted by .38supersig:
pile on

Why not just close the thread without comment instead of dropping a negative opinion and moving on? Have you by any chance read about the fact that he has done this for a child away at college as a means to stay in communication with them and that now with the graduation of that child, he has opted to share with us? Do you expect every quote to be something you know about agree with or would you rather take a chance and roll the dice never knowing what might be inside?

I for one appreciate these posts. There are times that what is quoted has no bearing at the time of being read. Funny thing is, they plant a seed and somehow come into play not far down the road.

With this one, maybe the goal is to invoke critical thinking rather than spoon feeding all the answers. Some of life's best lessons are learned through failure.

H2oys, please keep it up. This isn't unlike the Friday MOZ many have come to look forward to. Thank you.

I thought the whole point was to express our opinions, no? Sorry if you took it the wrong way but i have successfully raised two daughters and I didn't get there by asking their feelings about everything so i think the statement in the first post is absurd.

quote:

Originally posted by cruiser68:
I thought the whole point was to express our opinions, no? Sorry if you took it the wrong way but i have successfully raised two daughters and I didn't get there by asking their feelings about everything so i think the statement in the first post is absurd.

No one likes to be told what to do. Chirs42 nailed it. If you make it "their idea" they are more apt to take ownership, learn, and move on.

However as a child, who was reared by immigrant parents who had no idea about the culture/norms/traits in the US, I had very little guidance in such areas.

Hence when my daughter needed help, whether asked for or not, I struggled to not being the overreaching/bearing parent. Especially given her headstrong nature/personality.

Given that we've raised a daughter who graduated high school and college with honors, cum laude in fact from one of the top 10 hardest grading schools in the U.S., earned the highest awards in Venturing & Sea Scouts, etc. I think we did OK despite the fact cruiser68 thinks I am absurb.

Thank you ffips. Your kind words are appreciated.

quote:

Originally posted by h2oys:

quote:

Originally posted by cruiser68:
I thought the whole point was to express our opinions, no? Sorry if you took it the wrong way but i have successfully raised two daughters and I didn't get there by asking their feelings about everything so i think the statement in the first post is absurd.

No one likes to be told what to do. Chirs42 nailed it. If you make it "their idea" they are more apt to take ownership, learn, and move on.

However as a child, who was reared by immigrant parents who had no idea about the culture/norms/traits in the US, I had very little guidance in such areas.

Hence when my daughter needed help, whether asked for or not, I struggled to not being the overreaching/bearing parent. Especially given her headstrong nature/personality.

Given that we've raised a daughter who graduated high school and college with honors, cum laude in fact from one of the top 10 hardest grading schools in the U.S., earned the highest awards in Venturing & Sea Scouts, etc. I think we did OK despite the fact cruiser68 thinks I am absurb.

Thank you ffips. Your kind words are appreciated.

Congrats, you've done many things right with yours for sure. I guess from my perspective they are already asking for help. I also agree to not simply give them the answer but to coach them into figuring out their answer instead. Perhaps I should have been more clear initially. Lastly, I was not calling you absurd by any means. I was calling the statement in your post absurd from my perspective. I try hard to keep personal attacks out of my life.

cruiser68, this is indeed a place to share opinions. We have both shared opinions in this thread.

My biggest goal was to reinforce the positive intentions. In today's world, it is often times easier to see negatives. Just as you try hard to keep personal attacks out of your life, I try to find positivity where possible.

Honestly, my goal wasn't to attack you or .38supersig. As I was typing, the thought in my head was, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Of course, my fingers got in the mix and I did little more than contradict my thought.

In a thread of quotes, pehaps I should have considered "a closed mouth gathers no foot," or "better to say nothing and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt." Either way, my intentions were good, my execution, not so much.

Glad to see we are all still "invisible friends".

Enjoy the rest of your night cruiser68 and ffips

This is a "it's not about the nail" thing...

Try it with your wife, too. Sometimes (maybe a lot of the time), they don't want a solution. They just want you to listen.

No worries, it's all good! I've been called thick-skinned, my wife calls me thick-headed. In hindsight I realized I misread the first post when it all started wrong I tend to be a "leave no doubt" kind of guy as I'd rather say something than let it go and wonder if they got my point. All compounded by not conversing face to face and in 50 characters or less.

quote:

Originally posted by h2oys:
No one likes to be told what to do.

Oh, I dunno about that. It's actually one of the greatest freedoms in life. It's just that most people don't realize it until they're old enough to not be told what to do. When I was a kid, all I had to do was what my parents told me to do. Bam - free room and board in a nice house, great home-cooked meals, no ball-busting, free healthcare, no bills. It was pretty nice. Of course, I knew everything back then, especially that my folks were always wrong. And here I am, working for myself, no longer being told what to do by anyone, I have mountains of bills, never know where my next paycheck is coming from, have to pay for my own house, healthcare, insurance, cars and on and on. Being told what to do when I was 16 and knew it all was a luxury beyond belief. What a fool I used to be.

quote:

Originally posted by DaBigBR:
This is a "it's not about the nail" thing...

Try it with your wife, too. Sometimes (maybe a lot of the time), they don't want a solution. They just want you to listen.

Hardest thing for me to remember and consciously execute. Seriously.