A piece of satire from the Mobile Press Register:

By Matt Mitchell, The Ostrich
Matt Mitchell is the creator of The Ostrich, Walker County's least trusted news source, and was the 3rd round draft pick of the Denver Nuggets. This is a work of satire.

Following in the footsteps of other national retailers, Dollar General announced today that they aren't entirely sure what's lying around in the back of the store, but if it's a firearm they will no longer sell it to you.

In a prepared statement, Dollar General Spokesperson Garret Lewis told reporters that the national chain was forbidding their staff members to sell any type of weapon that might be buried underneath a pile of deeply-discounted Christmas decorations inexplicably kept in the middle of the store's dog food section.

"A lot of people will say Dollar General has always had this policy, but that's an outright lie," stated Lewis. "The truth is, Dollar General has never had any policies at all. Every Dollar General location operates autonomously, with most adhering to a strict form of feudalism."

Dollar General representatives couldn't say definitively whether or not their stores had firearms available for sale, claiming that they weren't even aware that most of their stores had been selling alcohol.

"To say that we've knowingly stocked our stores with guns would be a serious mischaracterization of the truth. We have no idea what we stock our 13,000 stores with. Truckloads of product continue to arrive at all of our locations on a weekly basis, and honestly, at this point, we're afraid to ask how it happens," continued Lewis.

The store's new ban on weapon sales was met with mixed reaction from many of Dollar General's regular customers. Marty Wilson, a resident of Locust Fork, said this was "the last straw," and that he was done giving the store his business.

"A few months ago, I heard they were letting men use the lady's restroom. The store manager said it was because somebody stole the toilet out of the men's room, but I don't believe that hogwash," recalled Wilson. "Now they want to stop selling guns? When will it end? I swear, if they take that Confederate monument out of the Dollar General in Hayden we're gonna riot!"

Oh yes, Dollar General.

When you just don't feel like getting all dressed up to go to Walmart.

That is funny. Thanks.

Funny! Thanks for sharing.

Someone better send this to Snopes so they can check it out.

That's funny