Most of us over 65 in Canada and the US were HOME SCHOOLED - in many ways.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My father taught me LOGIC.

" Because I said so, that's why .”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident. ”

7. My father taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION-ISM.

"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!”

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…"

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

"Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING

"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My father taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me..”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you! ”

This should be sent only to the over 60 crowd because the younger ones would not believe we truly were told these "EXACT" words by our parents...

Good post

While I'm a few years below the 60 threshold, I do remember hearing more than a few of those...

Well, I'm 82 and I'd heard most of those exact sayings when I was a child. Parents back then were fairly consistent in their language.

flashguy

By golly we must be long lost brothers with the same parents. ..............drill sgt.

quote:

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident. ”

Why? If you are in a bad enough accident people will see your underwear, I'm betting your underwear will be soiled.

quote:

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

This also makes no sense. Do you leave barn doors open? That's how you end up with a disaster (i.e., "a case of shutting the barn door after the cows got out.")

There were other lessons I learned, but I'll pass along two.

A report from your wife that there is a mamba in the washing machine is grounds for a six martini lunch. [True story]

Never use a CO2 fire extinguisher in an attempt to freeze a cobra. There is not enough CO2 in one to get the job done, but more importantly, when you get to about five feet away and squeeze the handle, you suddenly have a pissed off cobra hidden in an opaque cloud that lasts long enough for the cobra vanish. [True story]

My personal favorite, and I hesitate even to post it, was:
“Who do you think I am, your n*gger slave?”

My Old Man taught Economics:
When I said I needed money, he said "get a job".