It's taken me 3 years to really write this down, maybe because it's finally sunk in, but I wanted to share in hopes that maybe somehow this will help people move past grief on their own as well.

Over a 3-year period, starting near the end of 2016, I lost 7 members of my immediate family. It started when my mother was diagnosed with cancer about a month or so before Thanksgiving. She had noticed something was off with her health and rather than play it off she thankfully went to get it checked and was diagnosed. She immediately had surgery and began an aggressive treatment plan. Almost immediately after, one of her brothers was diagnosed as well. However, the doctors suspected he had it for at least a year prior, as it was basically everywhere. He lasted just over 20 days before passing away.

My mother's father was a CMSGT in the USAF, and her mother a school secretary and homemaker. Both had raised 5 children in the same house they still lived in. At this point in their lives, they were both facing the effects of Alzheimer's and dementia. My grandfather wound up passing from it almost a year later. This left basically my mother and one of her sisters to be near full time care takers for their mother, while my own mother was battling cancer. In 2018 I lost my grandmother on my father's side, and in 2019 it was my mother's last remaining brother to cancer, her youngest sister to MS, her mother to Alzheimer's and finally she passed from her cancer the day before Thanksgiving 2019.

It was a crazy whirlwind with everything, especially in that last year. There was barely time to breathe before something else happened. No real time for emotion. The only one left on my mother's side is one aunt, out of 5 siblings total.

The house I grew up in was a 3 family home owned by my grandfather, which was only one house away from the house I mentioned earlier that my grandparents lived in. That house was sold this month and I think that is what caused everything to finally sink in. Packing up memories and realizing you can never actually “go home” again. My grandparent's house is due to be sold this winter as well.

I suppose there are a few different meanings behind this post. One, if you feel something is wrong with your health, don’t hesitate to get it checked. And two, I’ve found that taking about grief and things going on in your life with other people helps tremendously. I learned this especially after a bad call at work, where we had to go in for a critical incident stress debriefing. I hadn’t been in one before, and didn’t know how it would work. Basically, everyone involved sat in a circle and talked about the entire call with each other, from beginning to end, and that was it. And it helped an incredible amount. So I’ve started applying that to the situation with my family. I know this is a lot, and if you’re still reading this, hopefully it will help you out someday.

Sorry for all the losses you and your family have suffered. During my career in the Forest Service I became all too familiar with critical incident stress debriefing, starting with my involvement with a van rollover loaded with young firefighters on their way to the Hayman Fire, NW of Colorado Spring. Five were killed in that rollover and I spent the day with the crew before we flew them back home to Oregon. Colorado State Patrol has some really great people who help survivors deal with loss of life from MVAs; I was impressed watching the two women talking with the crew members.

During my tenure as a District Ranger, 6 people lost their lives on my district. One was a 16 year old girl from Illinois who was killed on a backpacking trip led by an outfitter who specialized in those sorts of Wilderness trips. She was sitting with her back turned when hit by a tree that was pulled over when others were attempting to hoist their food up for bear safety. Same thing, this time the debrief/counseling session was led by a person from the Sheriff’s Office. She was great too.

A young man who was a long-time seasonal on my ranger district was killed while climbing the Cathedral Group. The Forest Service sent someone over from Regional to talk to the seasonals about his death, including his girlfriend also a seasonal, and present on the mountain when he died. I did my best too in a district meeting.

CIRs have become important anytime an accident occurs, or after wildland fire incidents to see if the right choices were made and if we could’ve done better. Not the same thing as you’re talking about with stress debriefing around loss of life or severe injury, but healing can occur.

Best to you during the holiday season.

Thanks for the post… I lost my fiancée (34 years old) to mental health/suicide earlier this year. Somewhere along the way through life, I heard that talking about traumatic things is good, so I tried to be pretty open and talk/talked about it; it really does help.

What an enormous amount of loss for your family to bear in such a short time. One of the takeaways for me is that you were fortunate to have such a wonderful extended family. And thank you for the reminder that there are many people and organizations to reach out to for grief counseling.

I frequently need to remind myself that sometimes some of the little petty things we might get mad at our loved ones and friends about are meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

I am so sorry for the bad fortune in your family. Losing kinfolk is tough. My dad passed in 1984, my sister in 2000, and my mom in 2002. I had 17 aunts and uncles and they and their spouses have all passed. I originally had 37 First cousins and am down to about 15 now. My 2 nephews are alive and well in Phoenix, Arizona. I was physically present when my mom, sister, and an uncle died -- it is very uncomfortable.

Know that I and many others here are willing to talk with you about it, if you feel the need. It is good to let it all out -- I know

I pray God's peace and comfort for you and your kin.

flashguy

This is never easy. I'm sorry for your great loss. I lost my mother when she was 51. it made me pay a bit better attention to my health. My sister to cancer in 1013, and dad to copd in 2015. Dad was a retired CMSgt. I'm the last of my immediate family. Your advice is good.

Thank you everyone for the kind words.

quote:

Originally posted by Gascan:
Thanks for the post… I lost my fiancée (34 years old) to mental health/suicide earlier this year. Somewhere along the way through life, I heard that talking about traumatic things is good, so I tried to be pretty open and talk/talked about it; it really does help.

That's awful I'm so sorry to hear that. It does seem counterintuitive to talk about it, but it's a huge help.

My sincere condolences. Talking about it helps even with just your internet friends.

Sorry for your losses. Lost my cousin in January and then his Mom-(MY Aunt/Godmother/2nd Mom) two weeks ago. She was supposed to spend Christmas Eve with my wife, daughhter, son & I. She was my last surviving Aunt(my mother's sister). Grew up across the street from her until I got married. Funny how here in the Northeast families grow up in close proximity to each other.

My condolences. I lost my best friend in 2008 who was the brother I never had.

I lost my only family member to Rona and I’m Han Solo.

You need time, and you need to talk to people about it all. Over time, you will repair. Reach out if you need anything and please turn to Christ and the Heavenly Father.

Earlier this week, I received a Christmas card, I didn't recognize the Georgia return address. Turns out it was from the father of my old youth group partner, we had both been young-adult leaders of our group of boys at our church's mission twenty-years ago. He unfortunately died about 10-years ago, he became an alcoholic (like his mother unfortunately) and basically drank himself to death before the age of 40. It was a nice card, few words but, pleasantly unexpected.

My condolences for your losses, this time of year pulls emotions we had long thought had passed or, maybe for a moment it hits us, and then we put them all back into order.

My condolences for your loss, take comfort in the fact that they are no longer suffering.