First, let me clear this up: step-daughter can be a toxic psycho. I'm no psychiatrist but she's clearly a cluster-B
- equal parts BPD, HPD and NPD - they could use her in textbooks to explain the disorders. Regardless of that, she has good tendencies, she will not lie, is always on time and she shows good motherly traits. I think the lying thing is what the father of the kids has an issue with because he wants her to lie to get public assistance to pay for their day care when he's working. She won't lie and he refused to give them his wage information so it was denied.

Now he is asking the court to award him more money per month than she actually makes. This is not a courtroom battle, no custody fight, it should be with a moderator that crunches their salary/bills numbers and decides how much the payments should be so I don't think a lawyer will be required. She has texts from him repeatedly denying her visits with the kids and even taking them early on the days he does allow them to visit.

During the COVID payments for kids, when she got them, she'd give them to him and when she got a tax return she'd split it with him. The last time she did that, he used to money to go on vacation with his new girlfriend. I'm wondering if they will take those things into consideration. If they do, I think he may come to regret his decision to take her to the court because they may just award her money from him considering he makes more than twice that she does and she has another child not with the ex.

This is PA if that matters and I've already told her to consult with a lawyer for advice. If you have any other ideas that I can tell her, even if it's just to ease her mind, I'd appreciate it.

Tell her to have her ducks in a row, have expenditures, bills etc in a folder, have it all written down on a legal pad so she can reference it if needed. Make copies of it all-or if the mediator wants copies have them make it and return the originals. Above all great it like a business transaction and not to get emotional.

She will come across much better to the mediator that way.

As an aside, giving any amount back to the husband from a return or any govt money is foolish-she may be taxed on that…but I’m not sure.

That’s all I have

Thanks, friend.

The "not to get emotional" thing may be hard for her but she has the ability to put on a work face that's completely different from her home face. If I can tell her to consider it like her work environment, she'll be cool as a cucumber but the ex knows exactly how to push her buttons. He's well practiced at it.

BTW, the ex isn't her ex-husband, they were never married.

Do they have any kind of signed agreement regarding the custody and care of the kids?

She needs to have competent legal council and should at least meet with an attorney to understand all options open to her and pitfalls.

quote:

Originally posted by HRK:
Do they have any kind of signed agreement regarding the custody and care of the kids?

No. It was unnecessary until now. I think the ex is going to regret his decision because now it has to be spelled out and he's going to lose his control.

quote:

Originally posted by HRK:
She needs to have competent legal council and should at least meet with an attorney to understand all options open to her and pitfalls.

Yes, there is a local program for low-income folks where they pay a lawyer on the list something like $30 for an hours worth of consultation. This is what she is doing. A friend of the family is on the list so that's comfortable to her.

If she can keep her head and emotions in check along with good financial records this will probably backfire on him.

quote:

Originally posted by Strambo:
If she can keep her head and emotions in check along with good financial records this will probably backfire on him.

That's what I'm thinking, too. I hope her records are complete.

In Indiana child support is statutory. What you pay is based on the relative gross incomes of each parent and the number of "overnights" each child stays with each parent during the year. They run that through a calculation and whatever comes out is what a judge would award. If you draft your own agreement and don't fight then there's a little more flexibility but it's best to stay close to the calculation.

When I got divorced I made about 1.7 times my ex, we had one child, and we both travelled for work so we agreed to 200 overnights a year for her and 165 a year for me. The weekly payment wasn't too bad, but if she had like full custody of 3 kids I would have paid like 1/3 of my take home pay per month.

So I don't think it's reasonable for anyone to award the kind of money the OP's ex is asking. The one caveat is that if a parent is unemployed, a reasonable estimate of their "employable" salary can be used in the calculation. This is for two reasons - spouses that stayed home with kids during the marriage and do not have a job yet, and to prevent deadbeats from quitting their jobs to swing the calculation in their favor.

And, I've never seen a Cluster B that did not lie - a lot. Sometimes the lies are their own distorted view of reality they actually believe. That doesn't mean they will lie to benefit someone else as in this case.

Assuming she lives in PA, she should print this chart for child support based on combination of both parents monthly and number of kids.

I would in no way pay more than what the state says they should pay…

https://www.pacodeandbulletin....1910/s1910.16-3.html

She met with the lawyer today. Turns out the lawyer can’t represent her because the lawyer is her ex’s lawyer. Like couldn’t she have told her two weeks ago instead of wasting her time?? What a yutz!

That is some BS! Should have taken a day at most to convey that information. She just cost your step daughter 2 weeks in finding another attorney. I wonder if that should be reported to the bar???

If the genders were reversed no one would be batting an eye on the disparity of payments. Guys regularly have to go through exactly what your step daughter is experiencing and is accepted as normal to society. Sounds like homeboy just figured out how to game the system like women have been doing for years.

quote:

Originally posted by Ryanp225:
...

That's unnecessary and unwelcome. I don't think anyone thinks it's acceptable or desirable what happens in these cases regardless of gender. She isn't trying to get out of it, she just wants to be prepared. I'm not sure what you read into the posts here but you're out of your lane.

I know in Colorado and I would guess most states there is a simple formula for calculating this. It has to do with income of both adults and the percentage of time the kids are with each parent. There really isn't much to debate at least by the time "final orders" are made.

It would be interesting to know if the attorney knew there was a conflict before the meeting. If the attorney delayed notification, the step-daughter should let the new attorney know about it.

Get a lawyer. Don't listen to non lawyers - everyone has an opinion which may or may not be accurate. Can you tell who actually knows? The rules vary a lot from state-to-state. Get a lawyer.

^^^^ What he said ^^^^

quote:

Originally posted by jhe888:
Get a lawyer. Don't listen to non lawyers - everyone has an opinion which may or may not be accurate. Can you tell who actually knows? The rules vary a lot from state-to-state. Get a lawyer.

Yeah, she's meeting with a different lawyer this afternoon. I'm going with her for emotional support.

quote:

Originally posted by Lefty Sig:
... And, I've never seen a Cluster B that did not lie - a lot. Sometimes the lies are their own distorted view of reality they actually believe. ...

Oh, she will convince herself that things that have no basis in reality are the realest thing to ever exist. She has an issue with gray area concepts. There's rarely a "could be", it is our it isn't and it's already been decided.

I hate things with kids...I'm gonna have to do the same when I get home.

Kids are home schooled, both parents have full time stay at home partner, both are military families, both have children with current spouse. Basically identical set ups but she claims I shouldn't get but 4 months a year instead of six...why? Just because she doesn't think they should be away from her that long...

Well, let's see what a judge thinks is fair...silly how delusional people can be.