Some neat quotes and some old jokes. Insert you're favorite nemesis.


"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game." Bear Bryant / Alabama

"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!” - Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money, and we don't have any." Erik Russell / Georgia Southern

"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it." - Lou Holtz / Arkansas - Notre Dame

"When you win, nothing hurts." - Joe Namath / Alabama

"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall." - Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you." - Woody Hayes / Ohio State

"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation." - Bob Devaney / Nebraska

"In Alabama , an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant." - Wally Butts / Georgia

"I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's." Alex Karras / Iowa

"My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive in a bad humor. - Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee

"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades." - Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

"Always remember Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David." - Shug Jordan / Auburn

"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me ." He said,"Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren't any good." - Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State

"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel." - Bobby Bowden / Florida State

"Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport. Dancing IS a contact sport." - Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post-game message to his team was, "All those who need showers, take them." - John McKay / USC

"If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education. - Murray Warmath / Minnesota

"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb." - Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

"We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches." - Darrell Royal / Texas

"We didn't tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking." - John McKay / USC

"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players." - Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

Ohio State 's Urban Meyer on one of his players:"He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words.


What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs? Drool.

How many Michigan State freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb? None. That's a sophomore course.

How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk?The cow fell on him.

Two Texas A&M football players were walking in the woods. One of them said, "Look, a dead bird.”The other looked up in the sky and said,"Where?"

What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit? "Will the defendant please rise."

If three Rutgers football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.

How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend?There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.

What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? A full set of teeth.

University of Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.

How is the Kansas football team like an opossum? They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Why did the Tennessee linebacker steal a police car? He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch?Pay him for the pizza.

I believe Bum Philips, coach of the Oilers, said of Earl Campbell, "I won't say he's in a class by himself, but it don't take long to call the roll."

Another one from John McKay.

Following a 51-0 loss to Notre Dame in 1966.

"I told my team it doesn't matter. There are 750 million people in China who don't even know this game was played. The next day, a guy called me from China and asked, 'What happened, Coach?'"

just FYI - the Georgia Southern guy is Erk - not Erik...

the new thing is the college football meme - those are pretty funny too.

I don't often talk to Temple graduates, but when I do, I ask for fries with my Big Mac.

You can do a whole section on John McKay. For those who don't know - he had a stellar record at USC - won 4 national titles. He was hired to coach Tampa Bay in 1976. Back in the day the NFL didn't give expansion teams a chance. They got the absolute dregs and cast offs from other teams. His quotes from that time are classic.

Just a few of the gems:

quote:

On place kicker Pete Rajecki having a bad camp with the Bucs because McKay made him nervous: "I don't think he's got much of a future here, because I plan on going to all the games.''

On Bill Capece, who was waived in 1983 after missing a field goal and extra point: "Capece is kaput.''


On the Bucs' 42-0 loss to Pittsburgh on a very cold day: `"I remember in Pittsburgh we had no players and the ones we did have wanted to stay at the hotel by the fire. I was ticked because that's where I wanted to stand.''

Asked if Lynn Cain of the Atlanta Falcons was ready to play against the Bucs: "Let me know if Cain is able.''

http://bleacherreport.com/arti...egend-through-quotes

Those are great!

John McKay was a riot. He might not have ever actually said this, but it's still funny.

"What do you think of your team's execution, Coach?"

"I'm in favor of it."

quote:

I believe Bum Philips, coach of the Oilers, said of Earl Campbell, "I won't say he's in a class by himself, but it don't take long to call the roll."

Oh, I am SO gonna use that!

quote:

Originally posted by PHPaul:

quote:

I believe Bum Phillips, coach of the Oilers, said of Earl Campbell, "I won't say he's in a class by himself, but it don't take long to call the roll."

Oh, I am SO gonna use that!

Phillips told Johnny Carson that the reason he took his wife on all away game trips was she was too ugly to kiss goodbye...... and lived!

Probably need to be careful how you use that one.

The old Texas Aggie hunting joke.
2 Texas Aggie players decided to go hunting one fall. After wandering in the woods for a while they came upon a strange set of tracks that they did not recognize. Wondering where the tracks led, they decided to carefully follow them. Unfortunately they were both killed by the train.

The Longest Laugh.

I found this story in a book by Cactus Pryor, "Playback." It is apparently true.

Every week during football season there is a luncheon of the Longhorn Club. Our sainted football coach, Darrell Royal would attend and offer remarks about the recent triumphs or tragedies, usually with his characteristic humor.

In 1971, the 'horns had lost to two of the bitter rivals, OU and Arkansas.

A reporter asked Royal, "Coach, after losing to both your alma mater Oklahoma and to Arkansas, how do you feel?

Royal's face reflected the great pain of defeat. His voice was subdued and measured.

"Of course, these two losses that have been dealt to us, first by OU, and then by Arkansas, which was a lopsided defeat, cause us to do a lot of reflecting and a lot of thinking. I was reading a story that a young man was interviewing Oliver Wendell Holmes, and Oliver Wendell Holmes told this young man that if he had a method, a surefire method, by which he could cause the world to bypass all its troubles, that he wouldn't pass this formula to the public or even to his friends because he felt that everyone needed some trouble in their life. And, you know, this story causes you to do some serious thinking, and I have, and my thought is: piss on Oliver Wendell Homes."