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Political Cynic![]() |
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2011-11-27, 1:43 am. E.S.T. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message. First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason - my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?! I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again]. After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car. Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you - but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day! Thoughtfully yours, Alex | ||
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delicately calloused![]() |
Probably not a true story but I can see a young Clint Eastwood playing that role….. You’re a lying dog-faced pony soldier | |||
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Member |
Not unrelated, but true: My college room mate told me that, a couple years after getting married, he and his wife were sleeping when he and the dog heard the front door to his house open. They went to the top of the stairs, he racked his 12-gauge pump, his Great Dane growled, they heard three running footsteps and the door slam. They found one of the guy's shoes in the middle of the street. Happy ending. -------------------------- Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. -- H L Mencken I always prefer reality when I can figure out what it is. -- JALLEN 10/18/18 | |||
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half-genius, half-wit |
A late friend of mine, a Colour Sergeant in the Royal Marines at the time, had been home for a weekend leave at his parents in Brixton, a part of SW London that has a majority of black inhabitants. It was 2am, but the night-service bus was about to arrive in a few minutes, when he was accosted by two of his 'bro's', one armed with a box-cutter, the other with a priest - a kind of lead-loaded cosh used to finish off a fish in the sport of angling. Mistah Box-cutter lost his box-cutter, but instead got his right index finger buried up to the knuckle in his eye socket. Mistah Fisher-man got an elbow stuck in each ear. Well, he was kind of narrow-shouldered, Ryan told me that had helped somewhat.... | |||
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Drill Here, Drill Now![]() |
Good but not epic like ASG’s Chack-Chack Speech
Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity DISCLAIMER: These are the author's own personal views and do not represent the views of the author's employer. | |||
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