May 18, 2020, 11:33 AM
Johnny 3eaglesMurder at COSTCO (joke)
Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $10,000.
The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Costco Supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...
(You're going to hate me for this....)
"ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1 @ Costco"
May 18, 2020, 11:43 AM
HawgsterOuch!! Thanks for the groaner,
May 18, 2020, 12:29 PM
ryan81986Are email forwards still a thing? I though those died out about a decade ago.
May 18, 2020, 01:30 PM
Modern Day SavageSaw it coming a mile away...no laugh...but I did grin.
May 18, 2020, 04:05 PM
az4783054 I passed this on to a friend who sends me funny stuff almost daily. He said he originally heard the joke a few years ago with a different store name...but he still gets a chuckle out of it.
May 18, 2020, 04:06 PM
holdemI chuckled. And that's something we all need.
May 18, 2020, 08:02 PM
bigdealBut did the wife, Artie, and the produce manager all have masks on? Inquiring minds want to know.