What has a thousand legs but can't walk?

Jerry's kids.

Q - How can you tell the groom at a Polish wedding?

A - He's the guy with the clean T shirt.

What are a pedophiles favorite kind of shoes?

White Vans!

Years ago, Michael Jackson was seen hanging around a local Sears store.

Sears was having a sale. Boys pants half off.

Why did Helen Keller quit driving her car?

Scared the hell out of her leader dog...........

Ok, I’ll play:

What did the parents name their one-legged daughter?

Eileen


Where does Eileen work?

IHOP

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs under a car?

Jack

quote:

Originally posted by GWbiker:
Q - How can you tell the groom at a Polish wedding?

A - He's the guy with the clean T shirt.

Q - How can you tell the bride at a Polish wedding?

A - She's the girl with the braided hair under her armpits and sequins on her sneakers.

Helen Keller was very talented...she would play the piano with one hand...and would sing with the other.

might as well stay on topic...
What color was Helen Keller's bedroom painted?

I don't know. She didn't know, either.

My sister complained to me that her hubby told her to go make him a sandwich, and wanted a good snappy comeback.
I told her, ya better come back with a damn sandwich, and make it snappy!

Q - How do you cure a Jewish girl of Nymphomania?

A - Marry her.

What do you call a woman with no arms or legs run over by a steamroller?

Patty.

quote:

Originally posted by Phantom229:
You know the difference between a prositute and a child?

*wait for the “I don’t know”

You sick bastard.

HAHAHAH!

It will be interesting to see how long this thread will last. I've got a few that would lock this in a heartbeat, so we'll start lighter.

How does every black joke start?

::look left:: ::look right::

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does.

What do you call a Japanese girl with one leg?
Irene

How do you torture Helen Keller?
Rearrange the furniture.

How do you seperate the men from the boys in San Francisco?
With a crowbar.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Nothing, he can't come anyway.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the fireplace?

Bernie!

What happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wired fence?

Udder Destruction

What do you do with a dog with no legs?

Take it out for a drag...

quote:

Originally posted by GWbiker:
Q - How do you cure a Jewish girl of Nymphomania?

A - Marry her.

Wait. These are supposed to be jokes...

Did you watch NBC this morning!!!

Yeah, so did Matt Lauer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How did the suicide hotline cause Jim to date a feminist?

Because when he called they told him to "pull the trigger"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Palestinians, despondent this week about losing East Jerusalem, take heart.

In England we have recognised for some time the Muslim capital is East London.
=============================
A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right. Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"