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The Worlds Cruelist Joke Thread. An exercise in participation.
December 10, 2017, 01:14 PM
rduckworThe Worlds Cruelist Joke Thread. An exercise in participation.
I'll start: "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States, Barack Obama."
No seriously,
one day the doorbell rang. The lady opened the door.
There was a little boy standing there. "Ms. Smith, can Johnny come play baseball with us?"
"Now Timmy, you know Johnny doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know. We just wanted to use him as second base."
Your turn.
RMD
TL Davis: “The Second Amendment is special, not because it protects guns, but because its violation signals a government with the intention to oppress its people…”
Remember: After the first one, the rest are free.
December 10, 2017, 01:16 PM
JDHunzWhat do you call a man without arms and legs on a wall?
Art
Same guy in front of your door?
Matt
Same guy out in the middle of a lake?
Fu*ked...
___________________________
"Those that can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others..."
December 10, 2017, 01:19 PM
kz1000quote:
Same guy out in the middle of a lake?
Bob...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Yidn, shreibt un fershreibt"
"The Nazis entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind."
-Bomber Harris
December 10, 2017, 01:20 PM
JDHunzquote:
Originally posted by kz1000:
quote:
Same guy out in the middle of a lake?
Bob...
True...
Same guy in a pile of leaves?
Rustle
___________________________
"Those that can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others..."
December 10, 2017, 01:23 PM
MNSIGWater skiing....Skip
December 10, 2017, 01:42 PM
rduckworWell, done my fellow warped!
Another to move this along.
A man's dying wish was to spend his last days on earth at home.
One day he awoke in his bed to the smell of baking wafting up for the downstairs kitchen.
Slowly, painfully, he made his ways down the stairs. Upon turning the corner, he saw his wife baking his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
As he reached for one, his wife shouted
"Oh no you don't!! Those are for the funeral."
RMD
TL Davis: “The Second Amendment is special, not because it protects guns, but because its violation signals a government with the intention to oppress its people…”
Remember: After the first one, the rest are free.
December 10, 2017, 02:18 PM
RogueJSKWhat was the name of Helen Keller's dog?
Aaaauuuuurrrrrrnmmmmmmnnnnnnggggghhhh!
December 10, 2017, 02:20 PM
Jim ShugartQ: Why did Helen Keller masturbate with her left hand?
A: She used the right one to moan with.
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw
December 10, 2017, 02:27 PM
Scooter123What's easier to unload, a truck full of bowling balls or a truck full of dead babies?
A truck full of dead babies, you can use a pitchfork.
I've stopped counting.
December 10, 2017, 02:39 PM
OKCGeneYo momma so fat....her blood type is gravy.
The worst part of eating vegetables? Getting her back in the wheel chair. Man that one is sickkkkkk!
December 10, 2017, 02:45 PM
Jim ShugartQ: What does oral sex with a 80YO woman taste like?
A: Depends
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw
December 10, 2017, 02:49 PM
preten2bWhat is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Corduroy
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The plural of anecdote is not data. -Frank Kotsonis
December 10, 2017, 02:51 PM
Jim Shugart^ ^ ^ Haaaa! Stolen.
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw
December 10, 2017, 02:53 PM
thundersonSorry I wasn't done with the beginning jokes..
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on a construction site?
Phil
I have the heart of a lion.......and a lifetime ban from the Toronto Zoo.- Unknown December 10, 2017, 03:10 PM
Lord Vaalicquote:
Originally posted by thunderson:
Sorry I wasn't done with the beginning jokes..
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on a construction site?
Phil
In a lion cage?
Claude
Don't weep for the stupid, or you will be crying all day December 10, 2017, 03:11 PM
Lord VaalicIt is better to have a dead skunk on your piano than a diseased beaver on your organ
Don't weep for the stupid, or you will be crying all day December 10, 2017, 03:16 PM
Jim ShugartA man and his wife were driving on a back country road in a snow storm. They noticed a skunk that was half frozen and rescued him, wrapped him up in a blanket, and placed him between the wife's thighs to warm him up.
Her: What are we going to do with him?
Him: Keep him for a while, I guess.
Her: But what about the odor?
Him: He'll probably get used to it.
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw
December 10, 2017, 03:26 PM
Zecpullquote:
Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
quote:
Originally posted by thunderson:
Sorry I wasn't done with the beginning jokes..
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on a construction site?
Phil
In a lion cage?
Claude
Twins next to your Window.... Kurt... and Rod
_______________________________
'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but
> because he loves what is behind him.' G. K. Chesterton
NRA Endowment Life member
NRA Pistol instructor...and Range Safety instructor
Women On Target Instructor. December 10, 2017, 03:28 PM
PHPaulMore true than cruel, but...
Why do women have two sets of lips?
So they can piss and moan at the same time.
Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
December 10, 2017, 03:33 PM
Phantom229You know the difference between a prositute and a child?
*wait for the “I don’t know”
You sick bastard.
Situation awareness is defined as a continuous extraction of environmental information, integration of this information with previous knowledge to form a coherent mental picture in directing further perception and anticipating future events. Simply put, situational awareness mean knowing what is going on around you.