Famous last words: Davie Crockett: "I thought we were doing the landscaping next week!"
Lord, your ocean is so very large and my divos are so very f****d-up Dirt Sailors Unite!
March 06, 2017, 11:16 AM
Cookster
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You neak up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way. __________
__________ "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
March 06, 2017, 12:16 PM
zoom6zoom
quote:
Originally posted by Tuckerrnr1: A guy with no arms and no legs in a cannibals cooking pot?
Stu.
Chip's on the side.
I have my own style of humor. I call it Snarkasm.
March 06, 2017, 10:23 PM
jack32586
a string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender tells him "we dont serve strings in here"
The string walks outside and twists himself into a ball, messes up his hair, walks back in and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says- Hey, arent you a string?
NO, I'm a frayed knot.
March 07, 2017, 12:29 AM
FishOn
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left it.
March 07, 2017, 06:03 AM
WildSig
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
March 07, 2017, 06:16 AM
egregore
March 07, 2017, 06:41 AM
cas
You know what a wok is?
It's sumfin you frow at a wabbit!
What's the difference between jelly and jam?
You can't jelly your @#*% up someone's @$$!
I wrote a book on poltergeists, it's flying off the shelves.
_____________________________________________________ Sliced bread, the greatest thing since the 1911.
March 08, 2017, 06:26 AM
WildSig
A magician was driving down the road,
then he turned into a driveway.
March 08, 2017, 09:58 AM
GWbiker
Famous last words: "These guys don't look so tough".
George Custer tells his Aid as the entire Sioux Nation pours onto the field.This message has been edited. Last edited by: GWbiker,
********* "Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them".
March 08, 2017, 03:32 PM
egregore
March 08, 2017, 07:45 PM
JWF
What do a walrus and a waterproofing contractor have in common?
They are both looking for a tight seal.
Just another day in paradise.
March 08, 2017, 08:29 PM
Floyd D. Barber
quote:
Originally posted by George43:
quote:
Originally posted by imfrogman:
quote:
Originally posted by justjoe:
quote:
Originally posted by ASKSmith: How do you get a witch pregnant?
You fuck her.
That one actually made me laugh.
I need to get more sleep....
The way I heard it was... How do you get a nun pregnant?
No, you dress her up like an altar boy....
You can get pregnant from anal?
__________________________________________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Always remember that others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. Richard M Nixon
It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice. Billy Joe Shaver
NRA Life Member
March 08, 2017, 08:37 PM
Floyd D. Barber
__________________________________________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Always remember that others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. Richard M Nixon
It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice. Billy Joe Shaver
NRA Life Member
March 08, 2017, 08:52 PM
Johnny 3eagles
Four old retired guys (Cranky Ed, T-Roth, Killer, and Stevie D) are walking down main street of Monument CO after a round of golf at the USAF Academy.
They see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL Drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, “THIS is too good to be true”.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis - shaken, not stirred - and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please.”
They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them.
They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a 10 cents apiece?”
"I'm a retired rancher from La Junta," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs 10 cents. Wine, liquor, beer - it’s all the same."
"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing another four crusty old dudes at the end of the bar who don’t have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the four at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "They're retired fighter pilots from Nellis….. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."
If you're goin' through hell, keep on going. Don't slow down. If you're scared don't show it. You might get out before the devil even knows you're there.
NRA ENDOWMENT LIFE MEMBER
March 10, 2017, 08:12 AM
WildSig
Mother Nature says, "There's no way you can get through all 4 seasons in a week."
Minnesota says, "Here, hold my beer."
March 10, 2017, 09:30 AM
Mars_Attacks
RGB's swarm from Adobe hives.
Steel Toad Boots
____________________________
Eeewwww, don't touch it! Here, poke at it with this stick.