What's the difference between Whoopi Goldberg and a bowling ball....



You could eat a bowling ball if you had too

"Who ever stole my copy of MS Office I WILL find you. You have my Word"!

Why does Mike Tyson cry after sex?


It's the mace...

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

I went to the Air and Space museum. But there was nothing there!

What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

You can make a vitamin.

How do you make a hormone?

You don't pay her.

I never heard a vitamin.

quote:

Originally posted by IrishWind:
I went to the Air and Space museum. But there was nothing there!

Oh. My. Gawd.

What's the difference between light and hard?

You can sleep with the light on.

quote:

Originally posted by Captain Morgan:
What's the difference between light and hard?

You can sleep with the light on.

If a light sleeper sleeps with the light on, does a hard sleeper sleep with ... the window open?

quote:

Originally posted by V-Tail:
I never heard a vitamin.

-or- Don't pay her.

What do you call Spongebob with 2 pairs of pants?

Spongebob Sparepants

What do you call Spongebob with a dirty mouth?

Spongebob Swearpants

What do you call Spongebob on Halloween?

Spongebob Scarepants

What do you call.....

(You can do this all day....)

Spongebob arrested

SpongeBob not my pants

What is an example of horticulture?
.
.
.
You take her to the opera.

quote:

Originally posted by Patrick-SP2022:
What is an example of horticulture?

You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.

Harley and Vaseline

Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle.

He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in mint condition.

He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

'Well, it's quite simple,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain, and he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

Just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family. 'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'

'No problem,' he says.. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Everywhere he looks dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

He leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

He reaches over and fondles her breasts. Nobody says a word.

So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table and screws her, right there in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom. She's got a great body too.

Joe grabs mom, bends her over the table, pulls down her panties, and screws her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table.

She has a big orgasm, & Joe sits down.

His girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, & Mom is beaming from ear to ear. But still....Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father shouts. Alright, I'll do the fuckin dishes!!

Why didn't Natalie Wood shower on the yacht?



She preferred to wash up on shore

Why was 6 afraid of 7?



Because 789.

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen

If she's Japanese?

Irene