So I am fortunate enough to be the guy that culls applications and hires people that I hope can do an entry level job, and show up on time.
The crew we have is a good crew, don’t get me wrong.

Along with being the one to weed out the non hackers, you come across little gems like this once in a while.
I couldn’t help but laugh at this resume. Took a screenshot (without personal info) to share with you guys.

Wow. Just wow.

I have 50ish employees. I know something of what you posted.

Was helping a friend interview for his gun store.

"Ever been fired?"

"Yep"

"Please explain"

"When they found out about my felony theft conviction....."

This message has been edited. Last edited by: ulsterman,

That's epic!

Friend of mine thats a Biochemistry professor at a University in Virginia once got a resume from a guy in China that said he was diagnosed as schizophrenic (he used the word "schizophrene") and also that he was the subject of human experimentation while interned in some sort of re-education camp in China.

Likely 100% accurate, but too much information there, guy.

I had a guy apply as a logistics planner (moving people and things across distances via air, ground, rail, ship), claiming SOF background and expertise. During the panel interview, he fixed trucks…and oversold himself during the application process.

Jesus. I feel bad reading that. That’s just a guy who isn’t too bright and doesn’t have a lot of potential.

Best one I’ve encountered was this kid who applied to our music store. He actually put this on there for qualifications:
“Won a pie selling contest in third grade.”
It was more than that, it was a whole section with several sentences explaining everything and even including the teacher’s name and some compliment she paid him for winning.

We used to pull it out on depressingly slow days for... morale reasons.

at least he / she's trying. English not his / her native language??

some people don't have that 'professional mentor' to help them through this kind of stuff

but yeah -- short of going back to school and repeating grades 4-10 people like this are going to struggle

i think one of the worst 'disabilities' some people have is simply the ability to effectively communicate in the English language

it stems from a lack of reading ability. you read more - you learn more - you become more comfortable articulating advanced concepts

but then again as the Judge said -- "The world needs ditch diggers too".

------------------------------------

quote:

Originally posted by Beancooker:
the guy that culls applications and hires people that I hope can do an entry level job

I once did not get a job because I could read and proniunce the word "acetone". It was a hardware store. The guy said he was not hiring me because he could tell I'd be bored.

At least they're honest!

quote:

Originally posted by Sig209:
at least he / she's trying.

Indeed, and there's no pretense on that page. Clearly, they have not had any coaching or assistance in resume creation. I realize that it's necessary these days to have some super-slick page full of lies, because you have to get employers to look at your resume. It has to be attractive, or, apparently, you're a dull-witted slug, not worthy of consideration. I see a real person on that page, not some slickly-produced false image of someone who has never existed, which is what most resumes seem to be. What gets me is that everyone knows about this game. We could drop all the pretense and bullshit, but, no, we just keep perverting the hiring process further with these false documents.

I agree Para. My daughter just graduated high school and is looking for entry level work. Every employer wants a resume vs. simply filling out a job application.

I have a lot of resumes come across my desk and I get the exact opposite of what was posted above. 2-4 Pages of BS and fluff. After a while you learn how to sift through the nonsense.

The kicker is when you come across what looks like a good candidate on paper and then you dig into their social media profile(s) and postings.

I wish I could scroll down to read more.

Joking aside, I see a real person there. If it's just an entry level position, I'd at least talk to him on the phone to get a better sense of his potential.

To get noticed these days you probably need to salt your resume with keywords related to the position you're seeking. Some of the bigger employers parse and then wash every resume through software to look for keywords. The ones that survive that process then get kicked over to the agency that screens with human eyes before anyone calls or emails the applicant. I remember recommending some very qualified friends or former co-workers for jobs they simply did not ever get called back about. And it was likely because the right keywords were missing from their resumes.

No more applications than we receive at my job for entry level, I’d call and talk to the guy. If people just showed up for their schedules they’d be ahead of the game at this point. I don’t need a genius, just a reliable grunt.

quote:

Originally posted by Rick Lee:
To get noticed these days you probably need to salt your resume with keywords related to the position you're seeking. Some of the bigger employers parse and then wash every resume through software to look for keywords. The ones that survive that process then get kicked over to the agency that screens with human eyes before anyone calls or emails the applicant.

Yeah, nothing wrong with that, huh? The truth doesn't get obscured, and the process of letting a machine do the initial review is a big part of the problem in this lazy-ass world of ours.

quote:

Originally posted by Graniteguy:
My daughter just graduated high school and is looking for entry level work. Every employer wants a resume vs. simply filling out a job application.

For someone just out of high school? What would they put on it? "Lemonade stand, summer 2011-2013, McDonald's 2019-2020"

I’ve not seen anything as bad as in the op. But since we aren’t an entry level type area that makes sense. What amazes me is that folks won’t update their resume for the job they are applying for. How long does it take to make your objective similar to the job posting? I get people applying for a biotech job and the objective is to be a veterinary tech or something.

When I look at experience on resumes nowadays, most have these phantom companies they worked at are (Whatever) Productions and things like that.

It's their side gig that they list as if it's actual professional experience when they have none. Just let me know where your internship was if you actually went to an art institute or graphics school. I will gladly take that professional training.

LinkedIn profiles are stacked with bullshit. If a skill is listed, rest assured I will test it at the least opportune time.

quote:

Originally posted by Mars_Attacks:
If a skill is listed, rest assured I will test it at the least opportune time.

Yeah, you gotta catch 'em while they're on the can.

Ooooohhhh, *takes notes!