my wife and I ate at a very nice local bar/restaurant today, and a couple of young fellas were having dinner and multiple beers, and one of them was raving on and on about his beefs with his Department, fu this and fu that. The other officer was just letting him vent without saying anything. They were both off duty, no uniforms, just having lunch between two buddies. My wife was getting angry about the language (she is the official language police of the household). We were in the adjoining booth, and she asked me to ask the one guy if he would please check his language. I couldn't hear it, but I didn't have my hearing aids in either, but that probably shouldn't have made a difference. Anyway I thought it was better to leave it alone since they weren't bothering anyone else that I could see, and I told her it was better to leave it alone. She insisted and I told her no, I didn't want to do anything because I didn't think they were doing anything needing intervention, and they had the right to be left alone. She disagreed, so I told her there was the chance that they could react badly, and I didn't want to be on the receiving end of a possible conflict with two off duty police officers, possibly armed, and drinking. They were not drunk and if you couldn't hear them would appear to be just another pair of patrons eating a meal. I asked her to chill and try to ignore it. Unfortunately she wasn't able to calm herself down, and so we left a little early, not quite finishing our food and conversation.

I'll admit up front I'm not a particularly brave person, but I generally avoid shit if it can be avoided, and if anything looks bad or going in the wrong direction I just call the police and let them deal with whatever the problem may be. In this case I was armed, and when carrying, the last thing on my mind is to bother any police officers, even if I'm in the right or they're in the wrong. The last thing I want is to end up in court for any reason at all regardless of who is right or wrong.

My guess is that if I had said anything, it would have turned out OK, but there's always that chance that it might not have. And I know my wife - if I do anything, she might have jumped in a made things worse, so that's another reason I asked her to chill and relax. So what does the Sigforum brain trust say I should have done ?

Any chance of asking the restaurant manager to handle it?

quote:

Originally posted by radioman:
Any chance of asking the restaurant manager to handle it?

Yup.

More men have come to bad end either doing the bidding of a woman, or trying to impress her.

And many folks would find it easier to navigate the rough seas of life by doing as you did and minding one's own business.

Picking ones battles, and letting the petty stuff go.

Dogs bark, people give rude looks, bump into others, say things, play music or any number of things that another can take offense over.

No one has the right to not be offended.

Those looking for offense, can find it any and everywhere.

I rather avoid such people.

quote:

Originally posted by sigmonkey:
More men have come to bad end either doing the bidding of a woman, or trying to impress her.

And many folks would find it easier to navigate the rough seas of life by doing as you did and minding one's own business.

Picking ones battles, and letting the petty stuff go.

absolutely . emphasize - BIG TIME - the first sentence.

women are in the ideal position - and at least subconsciously know - they can 'start shit' that they don't have to finish

have seen it first hand several times.

if I said anything - Big IF - I would have approached it very politely - "hey fellas - i appreciate we are in a bar having a few beers - do you mind toning down the language a bit? ' that's pretty much it.

Live to fight another day. I am in healthcare (trauma) and see first-hand the results of violent acts. I am not getting into a physical unless it's life and death.

-----------------------------------------------

This:

quote:

my wife and I ate at a very nice local bar/restaurant today

and this:

quote:

Originally posted by radioman:
Any chance of asking the restaurant manager to handle it?

quote:

Originally posted by sigmonkey:

Picking ones battles, and letting the petty stuff go.

+1.

I tend to do risk/reward analyses in these situations. To me, I would have just let it go, as the rewards simply aren't that high in such a situation, and you never know how people may react.

I can only make that assessment for myself; not you. I have a pretty reasonable wife. Others aren't so fortunate (will she forget about it and move on, or will she use it as an arguing point in the future about "how you never support her?"). Even if it causes an argument down the road, I think it's still wise to avoid unnecessary confrontations.

I agree with others here, that while armed, I tend to go out of my way to avoid ANY kind of conflict. Have you explained this aspect of the incident to her?

I think you made the wise choice by letting it go. I have had restaurant managers mishandle situations such as this on a frequent basis. Saying such things as the guy behind you said such and such.

I think you did the right thing. I would have asked for another table.

You did the right thing. As you know, when you're armed, you have a much greater responsibility to avoid conflict that's at all avoidable.

The wife and I sat in a restaurant booth next to a youngish guy and a younger guy, car salesman. The older one was schooling the younger guy.

When he wasn't cursing, he was ripping buyers and telling how to manipulate them. If I was from another planet, it would have been an education. Instead my already ingrained opinions were being validated and I took it all in with a smile. Or grimace or something.

quote:

As you know, when you're armed, you have a much greater responsibility to avoid conflict that's at all avoidable.

Also, this.

quote:

Originally posted by Outnumbered:
You did the right thing. As you know, when you're armed, you have a much greater responsibility to avoid conflict that's at all avoidable.

If you're armed and carry a badge, you should probably not act like a dick in public, too.

Poor guy.

quote:

If you're armed and carry a badge, you should probably not act like a dick in public, too.

Also true, but methinks the OP would bear the brunt of this in the event of a confrontation!

This is a timely post. Me and one of my brothers and two buddies went to a baseball game recently. We got there very early sitting in the stands have a beer just shooting the bull. Cussing too much. Not paying attention to anything just having a good time.
An older middle aged guy I had not noticed was there with his wife. I assume adult son or daughter with their spouse sat right in front of us. He turned and asked us if we would not mind. We were all four embarrassed and apologized to him, his wife and the other two. Felt terrible. He said no big deal. She hears worse at home. I told him even so it was wrong. We chuckled and visited with the guy on and off most of the game. I am glad he spoke up. It was wrong of us to not be a lot more curteous around the ladies especially.

I think your wife was right and you should of brought it to their attention. I bet they would of apologized and thanked you for bringing it to their attention.

IMO you did the right thing and pretty much exactly what I would have done. It's just not worth it to chance that the whole situation could have gone south quickly.

“Don’t start none; won’t be none.”

Adults don't have to like bad language but they should be able to handle it.

If there are kids around I may say something to the offenders depending on what they are talking about. If it is only adults they need to be adults.

quote:

Originally posted by old rugged cross:...
I think your wife was right and you should of brought it to their attention. I bet they would of apologized and thanked you for bringing it to their attention.

It is folly of men to think that any other, than himself, holds to the same value and ideals.

It is a trap of pride.

Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.


In your case, you and your friends recognized your being uncivilized in such a social setting.

You can hope, but never count on another to be such as you think.

If some bets did not look so attractive, no gambler would ever lose.