My Son is four.

He has a lot of questions.

A rule for me, is to never lie to him. I'll tell him the truth, and if I can't form it into something he'll understand, or I actually don't know, I tell him that.

"Because I said so," is something I try to rarely say. I've found the effort worthwhile, because almost any explanation is better than that.

One thing I've run into, and will continue to, is issues that most people believe children can't handle. Such as death. Even in these circumstances, I find that honest truthful answers are the best approach.

Which in my case, and in such issues as death, means that there is no God, and no Heaven or Hell.

Now, would I tell a child that there is simply nothing out there? No, as surely as I'll tell him there is an all knowing sky man.

How do I not send him to pre-school telling other kids there is no God?

Because I tell him God is Love.

I was raised a Christian, and while I'm not religious, I do believe that there are worthy teachings in the Bible. I'm also not out to ruin anyone elses day.

My Son will learn the important things in life from me. Honesty, integrity, respect, these things need come from no higher power than a father. And they need to come from one.

Failure, disappointment, gender roles, carpentry, gardening, firearms, I will teach him everything I don't know. I'll also let him know when I don't know.

Hopefully I teach him cynicism and distrust of the government, but not for a few years.

I'm not going to rely on the Boy Scouts or such when the time comes, rather, hopefully the boys only camp I attended is still kicking when the time comes, and hopefully we can afford it.

More simply, my goal is to treat my son like a human as much as possible, and like a child when necessary. From what I've seen, treating your child like a child, and shielding them from any adversity, hurt feelings, or disappointment, is a road to ruin.

I want to raise someone I respect, and who respects me. Simple enough, right?

Thank you for doing this. It looks like he will grow up to be a fine young man and will hopefully do the same with his children. God Bless you both

I think your son will turn out just fine with that attitude!

You said it when you said you treat him like a human. I have always treated mine like a little person not a child/kid. I also, like you, rarely if ever say because I said so. I always explain my reasons. I do however finding myself telling her....”Get a job!”

The fact that you plan on being there is more than 50% of the battle. With the attitude in your post the rest will fall into place. It won't be easy at times, but that which is worthwhile seldom is.

My wife's grandfather died last summer. We took my 2 boys (5 & 6 at the time) to the viewing, the service and the burial. We let them look at the body in the casket. They thought it was a little weird, but not much. I was actually surprised by their lack of questions. Seemed pretty straighforward to them. Great grandpa died and is no longer living. The end.

I am their father first and foremost first, but their best friend second. It's a tough line to walk sometimes.

Whatever you do, don't just give him shit!

Feed him, clothe him, shelter him, provide for his healthcare, teach him, and LOVE him. But, for his sake, don't just give him shit!

Let him develop the self esteem that only comes from EARNING those things you really want.

The most common way of raising kids today in 2018 is to give your kid everything he wants. Buy him the cell phone he wants, buy him the toys he wants, pay for his drivers education classes, buy him a car, pay for his insurance, and even give him a credit card so he can purchase gasoline when he wants it. These ALL are horrible mistakes that parents make, all the while thinking they are actually better parents than their parents were because they're so generous with their kids. Generosity breeds contempt.

That kind of thinking shows an absolute ignorance of human nature, and the one who suffers the most from the well-intentioned acts of the ignorant parent is the child.

You know, if you have a decent income, it requires far less effort to just give 'em whatever they want - you'll just make the payment when you get the bill. But, the dedicated parent will go the extra mile, and devise a way for the child to actually earn the things he wants.

When your kid gets into his teen years, and/if he shows some frustration because you won't just give the things his friends' parents just give his friends, you will know you are right on track. It might take a couple of years for him to finally see the fruits of your end-game plan, but when he does, he'll realize what a great parent you were - making him earn stuff so that he might develop the kind of self-esteem, and belief in oneself that will prevent him from ever being one of the "free shit" crowd.

You're a good dad, for even thinking of all this stuff.

quote:

Originally posted by Fredward:
You're a good dad, for even thinking of all this stuff.

+1
It's kind of a zen thing, By being aware and thinking about it, you are likely to do the right thing. There are often more than one right thing.

Good post. Many of the things you say are similar to how I help with my 5 year old granddaughter.

quote:

I want to raise someone I respect, and who respects me. Simple enough, right?

Sure.

It is about as easy as integrating particle physics, quantum mechanics, multi-dimensional, n-space recombination genetics, and the collected writings of Bendable into one cogent whole.

Still, people pull it off.

quote:

Originally posted by Sig2340:

quote:

I want to raise someone I respect, and who respects me. Simple enough, right?

Sure.

It is about as easy as integrating particle physics, quantum mechanics, multi-dimensional, n-space recombination genetics, and the collected writings of Bendable into one cogent whole.

Still, people pull it off.

Yes, people pull it off. All the time, in fact.

synthplayer had me going for a minute there. I give my kids shit all the time. I give my son less shit than my daughter because he doesn’t let it bother him. My daughter (who is hard-headed like me) gets a lot of shit. I guess I think if you can’t handle getting shit from people who love you, how are you going to deal with getting shit from random assholes you run across in day to day life? Speaking of giving shit, any one of the four of us may say “Because I say so!,” but it is always understood as a joke.

We started taking the kids out in public from a very early age and taught them how to act appropriately. Many times when they were younger we would see a couple pull a nasty face when seated nearby in a nice restaurant only to have them come by later and say how impressed they were with the kids behavior.

My dad always used to say that you get the behavior you expect. Treat ‘em like little adults, expect them to act like little adults, and you may be surprised by how well they do.

While you’re doing all this though, don’t forget to enjoy them and have fun with them.

We also never say,”We’ll see...”

My first wife used to say that all the time...it really bothers me-it’s just a cop out.

I tell him, no and explain why. This kid seems to be shaping up just fine.

quote:

synthplayer had me going for a minute there. I give my kids shit all the time. I give my son less shit than my daughter because he doesn’t let it bother him. My daughter (who is hard-headed like me) gets a lot of shit. I guess I think if you can’t handle getting shit from people who love you, how are you going to deal with getting shit from random assholes you run across in day to day life? Speaking of giving shit, any one of the four of us may say “Because I say so!,” but it is always understood as a joke.

Thats the correct kind of shit to 'give'. I do the same thing with mine, so when someone says something to them, they wont even blink - 'why should you care what some moron you don't even know says about you?' - its like pouring water on a duck, it just slips right off.

stuff changes over the years,
I was taught that women were different than men, therefore they were to be treated different .

Is that still a thing these days? when teaching little kids?

or is everyone treated the same?

Good on you DAD!!!!!
Our parenting style is pretty similar. Though faith in God and Christ is emphasized in our home. Though like you our beliefs are not pushed on others as it is not our place. We will be stewards by our actions and gladly share if folks inquire.

A strong dad is so important and if we had more of it the world would be a much better place.

I am trying my best to instill solid quality traits in my boys. Put knowledge and skill sets of self reliance and self preservation in at an early age. You take care of you and yours always but don't be afraid to ask for help if needed and always return a favor at least 2 fold.

Being a Dad is the single greatest joy on the planet but on the same hand it is the most difficult and terrifying thing I have ever done.

My Dad left when I was just about 3. I am pretty sure my earliest memory is the day my Dad left. While he was in my life I only saw him maybe 3 times a year, fortunately I had a Grandfather who stood up and taught me the important things in life. Hard work, how to fix things, how to shoot, how to fish, the list goes on.

My Boys are 4, 3, and 1 every chance I get I teach them how to be a man, how to take care of the house, the cars, their mother, each other. I want them to be strong men and better than I am.

I try to make everything a teaching moment. I prefer the fun teaching moments.

The oldest is 4 and we have had some projects. Got a little club house that was a bit dilapidated from the neighbors. Great opportunity to teach the boy a little about measuring, sawing, cutting, leveling, drilling and screw guns.
Built a nice little platform for it and made some repairs. to make it a bit more solid.

Needed a little clean up before we repaint it.


Also working on a little vehicle maintenance and clean up.



And the 4th of July was a good talk about fire safety.


From a guy that grew up without his Dad around I say a big thanks for being there for your boy Arc!

If I ever make it out East or you are in Kentucky dinner for you and the family is on me my friend!!

I try to let him help me do things as much as possible.