I received this from a correspondent. It may have made the rounds before, but it is funny enough to have another go.

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Below is an article written by Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated.

He details his experience, when given the opportunity to fly in a F-14 Tomcat.


This message is for America's most famous athletes: Someday you may be invited to fly in the back-seat of one of your country's most powerful fighter jets. Some of you already have...John Elway, John Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few If you get this opportunity, let me urge you, with the greatest sincerity... Move to Guam. Change your name. Fake your own death! Whatever you do, Do Not Go!!!

I know.

The U.S. Navy invited me to try it. I was thrilled. I was pumped. I was toast! I should've known when they told me my pilot would be Chip (Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213 at Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia Beach.

Whatever you're thinking what a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks like, triple it. He's about six-foot, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer hair, finger-crippling handshake -- the kind of man who wrestles dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see this Dude, run the other way. Fast.

Biff King was born to fly. His father, Jack King, was for years, the voice of NASA missions. ('T-minus 15 seconds and counting'. Remember?) Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad. Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by nine-year-olds waiting for him to say, 'We have lift off'.

Biff was to fly me in an F-14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful $60 million weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not unlike Colin Montgomerie. I was worried about getting airsick, so the night before the flight I asked Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning.

''Bananas,'' he said. "For the potassium?'' I asked. "No," Biff said, ''because they taste about the same coming up as they do going down.''

The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my name sewn over the left breast. (No call sign -- like Crash or Sticky or Lead foot. But, still, very cool.) I carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as Biff had instructed. If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman, this was it.

A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would 'egress' me out of the plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked unconscious.

Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me, and Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up.
In minutes we were firing nose up at 600 mph. We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another F-14.

Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life. Unfortunately, the ride lasted 80 minutes. It was like being on the roller coaster at Six Flags Over Hell. Only without rails... We did barrel rolls, snap rolls, loops, yanks and banks. We dived, rose and dived again, sometimes with a vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute. We chased another F-14, and it chased us.

We broke the speed of sound. Sea was sky and sky was sea Flying at 200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G force of 6.5, which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body weight was smashing against me, thereby approximating life as Mrs. Colin Montgomerie.

And I egressed the bananas.

And I egressed the pizza from the night before.

And my lunch before that.

I egressed a box of Milk Duds from the sixth grade.

Because of the G's, I was egressing stuff that never thought would be egressed... I went through, not one barf bag, but two of them.

Biff said I passed out. Twice. I was coated in sweat. At one point, as we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a mock bombing target and the G's were flattening me like a tortilla and I was in and out of consciousness. I then realized that I was the first person In history to throw down.

I used to know 'cool'. Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass, or Norman making a five-iron bite. But now I really know 'cool'. Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and freon nerves. I wouldn't go up there again for Derek Jeter's black book, but I'm glad Biff does every day, and for less money a year than a rookie reliever makes in a home stand.

A week later, when the spins in my head finally stopped, Biff called. He said he and the other fighter pilots had the perfect call sign for me, and told me that he'd send it on a patch for my flight suit.

"What is it?" I asked. ''Two Bags,'' he said..

Yes, it has been around. The thread title gave a little memory tickle, but not enough to catch. Read it all the way through again, laughing like a mad fool again. Thanks!

Great story! I’d love a chance to be 3 Bags.

Jerry Reed and his F-16 ride

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BamgRmO_s3Y

Lol what a great account of what must have been quite a ride. Do not drink while reading this. The milk duds from six grade brought water through my nose....and my dog checking on me hoping her walking partner was not kicking the bucket.

Who knew an F-14 could be used as a chitlin’ cleaning machine?

Ex SR-71 pilot Brian Shuls "LA speed check"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lg73GKm7GgI

The Blue Angels come to Seattle each year. The always give a backseat ride to a newscaster. Turns out it’s always one of the newbies. Seems the experianced ones avoid it like the plague.