You wanna speak to the manager? Please...The manager doesn't know what's going on, haven't you ever worked anywhere before???

Hilarious! Thanks for posting.

JP

My last (Thank God) job was working the in-store retail end of the lumber/hardware business.

I very nearly got fired for using one of his lines. We sold high-end doors. The cheap ones went for about $400 and you could triple that very easily.

Customer called and asked a bunch of questions about one of our cheaper doors and finally got around to asking about the price. I told him and he came back with "I can get it $150 cheaper at Home Depot"

"Well then, perhaps you should be shopping at Home Depot."

My boss was not amused...

This is great! Thank you

quote:

I very nearly got fired for using one of his lines.

Several years back we had a guy call about a safe. He wanted something very high security, and he had about $200 to spend. I told him he didn't need a safe, he needed a money clip so he could keep his $200 safe in his pocket.

Dang, funny as hell

Heard in my business: "My mechanic said it's the [blank]." "My mechanic can do it cheaper." What are you doing here, then? Why doesn't "your mechanic" do it?

I get questions quite similar, once in awhile. My answer is, do you want it it done right the first time, or pay again to have it done a second time?

Thanks. Good stuff !

The two I get all the time, typically on the phone, are you busy? Yes we are......Oh, hmmm, well can I get ?... yes stop in at X:30. The other one is " I have a question." My reply is "I have an answer". That confuses some of them.

Spot on.

Everyone should work retail or, food service for a period in their lives. It usually helps put things into perspective later on in life.

I have posted this before but it fits in with this thread:
Working at the dicks who are Dicks, a kid about 12 walked up to the counter I was working.
Me: How are you today?
Kid: You dont care!
Best retail related answer I ever got!

Don’t know where I read about, and it may be urban legend, but “I heard” this sign was posted in a business:

“We’ll bend over backwards for you, but we won’t bend over forwards for you.”

My favorites are the ones that get mad at me over the price of lumber. I told one jackass, “Bud if I got a commission from sales of this stuff I’d be retired already.” I also dearly love the line, “I can’t use that. How much will you take for it?” Fucker if you can’t use it then why does price matter. If you start with, “I’ll take it if we can get a discount” then we’ll talk and you get extra consideration for not being an asshole.

“The meatballs aren’t that good.” LMAO!!!! oh shit! I used to own a retail business and I’d kick idiots out of the store and they’d throw lines like this. “I want to speak to your manager!” I’m like fuck stick I’m the owner, now GTFO! I can only imagine these days with this narcissism run amuck. God help the good retail employees. I remember waiting tables, that was worse. The movie WAITING is 100% accurate.

Gotta show this to my wife, she managed a large department store for almost 30 years.

quote:

Originally posted by bcereuss:
Don’t know where I read about, and it may be urban legend, but “I heard” this sign was posted in a business:

“We’ll bend over backwards for you, but we won’t bend over forwards for you.”

That was the unofficial motto of the warranty department of an outdoor brand I used to work for.

Basically, customers would return items for warranty in an attempt to get a replacement when in fact, they just wore the shit out of the item and there was zero issue with manufacturing or, materials.

You wore the ever living hell out of your jacket/backpack, perhaps take better care of your purchases; if you don't abuse them, they'll last longer.

In the 50’s and 60’s I worked in TV repair and made house calls to repair TV’s and stereos etc. And had to put up with guys setting in a lounge chair with a beer in one hand and chips on his lap telling me how to repair the set, because he read an artical in Popular Science about electronics. They were never right.

My buddy owns a gun store...when he asked me to work for him after my stroke he told me about his “customer prevention” strategy and a lot of it was if you can get it there then go get it....people would use his brick and mortar store to pick up and finger fuck his inventory and then order something online. He would charge those people $50 for the transfers.....regular folks would only get charged $35

BaaaaaaaaaahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHhahahahaha