We have some friends with an autistic child. His is fairly severe and I don't think he'll ever be able to live on his own. Do they have "grade levels" for these kids ? Would a parent know that their child is "functioning at X grade equivalent" ?

Would it be rude to ask the mom what grade her kid is functioning at ?

He's got a birthday coming up...

Might be easier to ask what sort of things he enjoys.

Often, colors, textures and things you would never imagine are a trigger or cause a child to become upset.

With my cousin it's always been an age. They say he is mentally equivalent of a 5 year old. He's in his 50's now.

I would just ask the parents what they think he would like.

Are you asking so at to purchase an appropriate birthday gift? Maybe just ask for some specific suggestions from them?

If you are interested in learning more about autism in general, you might want to look up Temple Grandin. She's autistic and was, it seems, the first to be able to articulate what the world is like to an autistic person. There's a pretty good HBO movie about her.

Here is another link to a couple that have autism and are married.

http://nakedbrainink.com/

VA Tech has an Autism Center:

https://vtcar.science.vt.edu/index.html

My cousin teaches kids with autism and went to one of the VA Tech Symposiums last year.

quote:

Originally posted by SBrooks:
We have some friends with an autistic child. His is fairly severe and I don't think he'll ever be able to live on his own. Do they have "grade levels" for these kids ? Would a parent know that their child is "functioning at X grade equivalent" ?

Would it be rude to ask the mom what grade her kid is functioning at ?

He's got a birthday coming up...

Ask what sort of gift would be appropriate, or "Would toy X be something Jim would like?" rather than what grade level he is.

In short, asking about grade level equivalents could be offensive. And it probably isn't even relevant since autism doesn't, as I understand it, affect intelligence per se, but rather affects ability to interact with people and the rest of the world.

My cousin says some of the kids are really smart. One couple has three kids with autism.

While my limited experience has centered around people on the higher functioning end of the spectrum it's fairly safe to say that grade level is not a good indicator. Many with autism display a wide variety of grade levels based on particular skills. For instance a person may test on level or higher in reading and much lower in math or vice versa.

As others have said simply asking about interests will probably be your best bet. Carefully asking about things to avoid wouldn't be a bad idea if you can comfortably do so. For instance if the child has an interest in Sea Turtles a large plush sea turtle might be just the ticket unless the child has a negative response to the feel of plush things. Remember it's about the kid, so it shouldn't ruin anything to discuss the gift with the parents in some reasonable detail. "Oh he likes Sea Turtles? Perhaps I'll get him a plush one, do you think he'll like that?

I have a good friend that teaches Autistic children. She has them all 4 years of high school, from completely nonverbal to fairly high functioning. Grade level is used to keep track of what year they are in school, but they all have individual performance plans that determine what their individual learning goals are for the year. These goals are can be set anywhere from simply learning to say hello to other people to learning like non autistic children depending on how high functioning they are.

A lot of her students have interests that they are incredibly passionate about. I would say ask the parents what he's interested in, they would probably be very happy to point you in the direction of a gift that would be enjoyed.

Are you around his house much? Have you observed toys and the like?

I have worked in a facility that had a few autistic kids, and most like working puzzles there. They were quite good at it! Have you noticed puzzles?

I would just ask what an appropriate gift would be, like what kinds of things does he like.

Most autistic kids I have been around are very smart, but are immature for this age, and have a hard time relating to people.

ARman

From reading about autistic children, there appears to be a reoccurring theme where if the child's died is very low in carbs and no sugar, they function at their very best. When the diet has sugar and carbs, the signs and symptoms are much worse.

My opinion, as I work in health care, is that some sort of infection is feeding off of the sugar or possibly there is an autoimmune issue. One gift you could give your friends is to do some research about autism and sugar, then present them with your findings and opinion.

I recommend a book called “Josiah’s Fire”, about a couple whose child became autistic at an early age, and their journey with him. It is a faith based book that is incredibly insightful.

I know you mean well, so I'd change the question to something like this:

What does he/she enjoy doing in their free time?

Or just say, "I know he's got a birthday coming up, what do you think he'd like?"

I think it would be the world to the parents to know that you care enough to know he's got a birthday coming up and you want to make it special for him to give him a gift.

Transparency will open doors for you; that way they don't have to wonder what's your angle.

My wife bought me an Erector Set - My grandson and I built everything we could - He shinned in seeing it before he built it - Best gift ever -
He is now 19 and enlisting into the Navy - I hope he passes the test - It has been a long road of his parents and pills. They just didn't want to get it.