Maybe this is an odd question, I don't know. But for a while now I've been thinking of two particular events in my life that are, in one way or another, regrettable. I'll try not to be overly vague here, but I'm thinking like this:

Event1 was a bad decision. I didn't think I could do the what would have been required of me, and I bailed on the task. I regret that Every. Single. Day.

Event2 was a bad decision, and probably -- in the big scale of things -- a worse mistake. I should have resisted that one, and didn't.

I've thought about this a lot, and it's clear to me that if I hadn't bailed on things in Event1, then Event2 would never have even had opportunity to exist. So by that logic, Event1 is the stupidest thing I've done. (Even though Event2 could likely have caused me far more difficulty.)

Am I really screwed-up here? Maybe too much Bendable in my thinking? Or does it make sense that not making one particular mistake could have prevented another particular mistake?

How long ago were these events?

Months, a couple of years, or decades ago?

If it's months or a couple of years, I think it's normal to think about it.

Decades and thinking about it all the time? Not normal IMO.

Two things I regret

1. my Nana told me that woman was only trying to get her hooks into me....and I blew her off. Turns out Nana was right, she bled me dry and was running around on me. Probably the worst mistake I ever made, and I've made more than a few.

(as a side note i have 2 things that came out of all the suffering with that bitch. 1-my biggest kid, 2- I learned never to blindly believe anyone again; "trust, but verify")

2. I got side tracked by a girl when I was "This close" to finishing my Eagle Scout....

You can only measure the amount of stupidity or pain when you can look back on things. While it's happening-you are in full retard mode....never go full retard.

quote:

One must never forget when misfortunes come that it is quite possible they are saving one from something much worse; or that when you make some great mistake, it may very easily serve you better than the best-advised decision. Life is a whole, and luck is a whole, and no part of them can be separated from the rest.

Winston Churchill

My biggest mistake was marriage #1.

Her brothers told me she was crazy and they were right.

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:
How long ago were these events?

Event1: 5-1/2 years ago. Event2: less than a year ago.

I don't dwell on Event1 all the time, but I do recognize it at least once a day.

I measure my stupidest mistake very easily. With the accuracy and precision of 20/20 hindsight.

Hopefully, my stupidest mistake will not be overshadowed by myself ever. But unfortunately, my crystal ball is hazy.

For me the stupidest thing I have ever done is pretty easy to measure, but how to measure its effect on my life? No way to know. Its the little things that can throw your life off in ways you never imagined.

Decided to give my buddy a ride one day, and wound up getting a job that would alter my life....

For no reason I can think of I started chatting up a girl in a chat room way way back when they were a thing... changed my life

On a whim decided to argue with someone over something stupid, led to a promotion and changed my life...

Decided to stop driving in a storm one night to make the wife happy on our way to visit family, 9 months later had a baby. Changed my life...

Struck up a random conversation with a guy at work, led to me getting another job, changed my life.

Etc Etc... You never know what tiny or huge event in your life will spin it in whatever random crazy way you could never imagine. Huge mistakes, you remember them and regret them, you think about what if, but who knows? The entire course of your life could have changed, and you have no way of knowing how

In theory, VTHoky, one should consider what one learned from those mistakes, then move on and not worry about them any more.

quote:

Originally posted by GWbiker:
My biggest mistake was marriage #1.

Her brothers told me she was crazy and they were right.

This hits close to home. My first wife and I got in lust, not love. That lasted 6 yrs. My current wife of 37 yrs, the opposite.

The next one, getting a DUI in the early 70's. Both taught me big lessons that have made me a responsible grownup.

I have no regrets that they happened. I'm a better person because of them.

Jim

I see your point, Dr. T, but neither one is easy to move on from. I can move forward, but neither will be forgotten. Ever. Each brings some good memories, despite the questions and second-guessing associated with it.

What have I learned? Event1 has taught me not to bail on a tough task, but to ask those already involved how I can make the right contribution. Stop thinking, "I can't do this," and start asking, "how can I do this?"

Event2, similarly, has taught me to think more clearly and make sure there's a proper plan in place before proceeding.

quote:

Originally posted by vthoky:
I see your point, Dr. T, but neither one is easy to move on from. I can move forward, but neither will be forgotten. Ever. Each brings some good memories, despite the questions and second-guessing associated with it.

What have I learned? Event1 has taught me not to bail on a tough task, but to ask those already involved how I can make the right contribution. Stop thinking, "I can't do this," and start asking, "how can I do this?"

Event2, similarly, has taught me to think more clearly and make sure there's a proper plan in place before proceeding.

Your events are too broad to comment on. But the mistakes we make are what shape us and change us to do better in life. Everyone makes a few big mistakes in their life, everyone. So long as you didn't kill anyone or harm anyone and they didn't impact your life forever, just think of it as a learning curve and move on. If you're busy focusing on the past, you can't be focusing in on the future.

quote:

Originally posted by jimmy123x:
Your events are too broad to comment on. But the mistakes we make are what shape us and change us to do better in life. Everyone makes a few big mistakes in their life, everyone. So long as you didn't kill anyone or harm anyone and they didn't impact your life forever, just think of it as a learning curve and move on. If you're busy focusing on the past, you can't be focusing in on the future.

I have to leave the descriptions broad; it would be improper to detail them here. But I see your point: each mistake we make leads to an opportunity for change. I didn't kill or harm anyone, but my life has certainly been changed forever by Event1. Event2 has changed me some, but not to such a great extent.

Your point on focus is well taken. My "adopted sister" has made a similar statement. Some days, however, it's hard as hell to put the focus forward when the regret of the past (Event1) suddenly comes to mind.

Thank you, Mr. Allen, for the Churchill quote. That may just get printed and pinned to my corkboard.

Well accounting for the ex, there's not a thing I could recall which I still regret.

There's a couple things which fall into "well never do that again" (looking down and releasing the brake because the car next to you is moving) type things but nothing as bad as the Miss Evans mistake.

quote:

Originally posted by vthoky:

quote:

Originally posted by jimmy123x:
Your events are too broad to comment on. But the mistakes we make are what shape us and change us to do better in life. Everyone makes a few big mistakes in their life, everyone. So long as you didn't kill anyone or harm anyone and they didn't impact your life forever, just think of it as a learning curve and move on. If you're busy focusing on the past, you can't be focusing in on the future.

I have to leave the descriptions broad; it would be improper to detail them here. But I see your point: each mistake we make leads to an opportunity for change. I didn't kill or harm anyone, but my life has certainly been changed forever by Event1. Event2 has changed me some, but not to such a great extent.

Your point on focus is well taken. My "adopted sister" has made a similar statement. Some days, however, it's hard as hell to put the focus forward when the regret of the past (Event1) suddenly comes to mind.

Thank you, Mr. Allen, for the Churchill quote. That may just get printed and pinned to my corkboard.

You CAN'T change the past, only the future. The past is history.

quote:

Originally posted by jimmy123x:
You CAN'T change the past, only the future. The past is history.

1.21 gigawatts and a DeLorean. Bring 'em. NOW.

I know this may seem silly but I still think about it at least once a day and can never forget about it.

As a kid, we raced motorcycles. I’m not talking about organized, I mean all my buddies had motorcycles, and we set up tracks and raced.

Well, some kids from across town came over and wanted to race. These kids did race organized at a place called Indian Mound. In our minds, Indian Mound was like Daytona. I mean they were real motocross racers. They had full face masks and tassels on their helmet like the cool guys.

They were really good, and in our desire not to get showed up by them, we started mimicking them and using their lines around the track. After some hot laps, we were keeping up somewhat although they were still faster. We at least wouldn’t be embarrassed.

During one of the races, I was way inover my head trying to stay with the lead pack. There was a wide sweeping turn that I was way too hot in to and I shot over the slight berm that had formed. Instead of getting back on the racing line, I goosed it looking back over to one of them dudes that was pushing me, causing me to go in too hot.

We were side by side accelerating. We were looking at each other. At the very last second I looked ahead and immediately ducked my head down. A limb of a tree had struck on the top of the helmet, knocking me around causing me to cross up an wreck. I was ok. But had I not at the last second turned and saw the limb it would have clotheslined me, and hurt me bad, or worse. We were going pretty fast.

It sounds like greasy kid stuff but it has stuck with me daily. I learned a valuable lesson that day, but it still bothers me how close it was.

quote:

Originally posted by vthoky:

quote:

Originally posted by jimmy123x:
Your events are too broad to comment on. But the mistakes we make are what shape us and change us to do better in life. Everyone makes a few big mistakes in their life, everyone. So long as you didn't kill anyone or harm anyone and they didn't impact your life forever, just think of it as a learning curve and move on. If you're busy focusing on the past, you can't be focusing in on the future.

I have to leave the descriptions broad; it would be improper to detail them here. But I see your point: each mistake we make leads to an opportunity for change. I didn't kill or harm anyone, but my life has certainly been changed forever by Event1. Event2 has changed me some, but not to such a great extent.

Your point on focus is well taken. My "adopted sister" has made a similar statement. Some days, however, it's hard as hell to put the focus forward when the regret of the past (Event1) suddenly comes to mind.

Thank you, Mr. Allen, for the Churchill quote. That may just get printed and pinned to my corkboard.

Some of us have been enjoying this Jordan Peterson fellow whose videos and books are gaining great popularity. There were a couple of threads in the last week or so. You’ll find them. It might give you further insights into this mess some call life.

Don't worry about the past, for it is gone
Don't worry about the future, for it may never happen
Consider only now, because it does matter

Worse mistake was getting sidetracked by a woman and not joining the navy.

Which probably kept me alive, I firmly believe. It also gave me 2 kids and later a divorce.

Beyond that, nothing really compares.

Except my second worst mistake, allowing myself to get fat. Still working on that one.