1. Sometimes I'll look down at my
watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest or Google Maps really need to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12 Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Great all true and every time I read one I heard a Steven Wright voice.

quote:

Originally posted by Ripley:

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Easy:

Thanks, KDR! My method (up till now) has been to carefully roll the damn thing up into a nice ball.

Yeah...I'm probably going to stick to the "attempt to fold; end up frustrated, wind up with a ball method". It's worked for me for years.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

Several thoughts, Google Maps might need a conservative programmer or head to install this option! If they did do this option the news talking idiots would have a breaking story for a day to get the masses excited!
Though it would great!!

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?



Fold?

1) Remove sheet from bed.
2) Wash and dry sheet
3) Return sheet to bed.

Done

You have been living my life!

quote:

Originally posted by KDR:

quote:

Originally posted by Ripley:

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Easy:
[FLASH_VIDEO]<iframe frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/_Z5k9nWcuFc?start=41" width="560"></iframe>[/FLASH_VIDEO]

Well I'll be damned!!

Word, brother!

0-0

Originally posted by Ripley:
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

Sometimes the family is just private, or even ashamed, at the manner or cause of death. Such as suicide or cancer, for example.
 
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

Some Mac programs do that too, e.g., Pages and Numbers. I swear I did not make any change. I always glance first at the red dot, and if it has a dot inside it, it means changes were made and it needs to be saved. I swear I didn't do anything but open an existing document. Spreadsheets with formulas are notorious for this
 
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I keep everybody I can in my Contacts, friend and foe alike. I like to see who's calling, and sometimes even will let a friend (especially some neighbors), go to voicemail. More often than not, they don't leave any, so I figure it was not important, which is why I ignore certain people's calls. But I will answer the same neighbor under certain circumstances, such as when our community list has a "lost dog" alert running
 
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

Our GE side by side has one.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

Try the Duluth Fire Hose pants. They have tons of pockets, and pockets within pockets. You can feel the item, but it takes some searching to find it.
 

quote:

Originally posted by walkinghorse:
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

Several thoughts, Google Maps might need a conservative programmer or head to install this option! If they did do this option the news talking idiots would have a breaking story for a day to get the masses excited!
Though it would great!!

IIRC, Microsoft patented tech to do this some years ago, but has never implemented it nor licensed it to another company. It's like they want people to end up in bad neighborhoods so young urban entrepreneurs can engage in ad-hoc wealth redistribution. Nah. Couldn't be that.

Following the title of the post. At my age I found three things to be true. Never pass up an opportunity to take a piss. Never trust a fart. Don't waste a natural hard on.

Somebody in this thread is a buzz kill

I owe KDR at least a couple of beers for hat video! I had the first part correct...folding 1 corner into another. I resorted to the ball method after that though.

quote:

Originally posted by Ripley:
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

If you see a street or landmark along the route named for Martin Luther King, then avoid.

How to Fold a Fitted Sheet:

"Honey, the dryer's done!"

You can do a terrible job folding a fitted sheet, and it doesn't matter after you stuff it in a matching pillowcase along with the other sheet and pillowcase. Squash it flat and put it away.

If your fitted sheets are so nicely folded, how are you going to be sure you're pulling the right one out of the stack? Could lead to a catastrophic mess.

Anyway, my favorites --

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

24. I can hear myself get up.

25. I need better teeth, or should get a better dentist.

26. Win, lose, or draw...if you fight with an asshole you get shit all over you.

27. I've worked long hours, too hard at times, ethically, and honestly. However...no one ever says "I should have worked harder" on their death bed. Remember to enjoy what life has given.