Sent to me from a bored friend...

Four old retired men are walking down a street in Sun City. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents."

They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"

There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.

In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying,"That's 40 cents, please."

They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

"I'm a retired cop from Phoenix ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the PowerBall Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it's all the same."

"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're snowbirds from Wisconsin . They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price..."

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My neighbor just yelled at her kids so loud that even I brushed my teeth and went to bed!

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My ability to remember song lyrics from the 60s far exceeds my ability to remember why I went into the kitchen!

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As I watched my dog chasing his tail, I thought dogs are easily amused. Then I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail.

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First rule of cleaning while listening to music is the toilet brush is never the microphone...Never!

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Sometimes, I shock myself with the smart stuff I say and do. Other times, I try to get out of the car with my seat belt on.

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I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

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Sometimes someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race and changes you forever..... We call these people COPS!

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Like a good neighbor, Stay over there!

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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says "Hey Monkey what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come on up and join me."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is "dry", and that he's going to get a drink from the river.

At the riverbank the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A crocodile see this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.

He then asks the lizard, "Whats the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree smoking a joint with the monkey and his mouth got dry and he was so wasted that when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in.

The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint.

He looks up and says "Hey MONKEY!"
The monkey looks down and says "OMG!!! DUUUDE...HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK?"

The moral of this story is that keeping your mouth and throat moist with water, coffee, tea or other liquid substance helps keep the Corona virus from staying in your mouth and throat and when washed down into your stomach, your stomach acid will kill the virus. Warm liquids work best. Washing the Corona virus down with a cold Corona may not work as well!

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OK, that is it for today. Stay in, Stay healthy and stay connected!!

Those are good

Stealing the monkey one to pass on

awesome....those are great

quote:

Originally posted by ensigmatic:
Stealing the monkey one to pass on

Don't steal from the monkey. He's our friend.