I am literally at my wits end. I may be going to jail soon because I can't bear to watch my 38 year old, homeless son verbally abuse my 70 year old wife any longer.

Lost his job and apartment last fall. My wife offered to let him stay with us for a couple days. Had I known that he was in such bad mental condition I would have stopped this but 8 months later, my home is a war zone.

He flies into rages over nothing, extremely paranoid, always sticking his phone in our faces and asking if we are threatening him. He searches every where in the house, we've lost all privacy. He likes to block doorways and say he's being assaulted if you squeeze by. But that's all small potatoes compared to his mouth.......which is also the reason he can't hold a job.

He likes to make Mom cry and then mock her over it. If she retreats to the bathroom and locks herself in, he will be outside the door yelling at her. His mouth has no filter and no one, female or male, should have to tolerate being talked to like that in a house they own, by an unwanted guest. He's tried to head butt his Mom ( red line ) and tried it on me 3 times last week while he raging. If he makes contact, with Mom, I'll be on the news. The fun part of it all is since he receives mail here, in my state he has tenants rights. He loves to tell us this when we are in his way in our cramped kitchen when he needs to eat. Last quote was $2000 to evict him...ouch. My own damn house.

I find out later he was thrown out of the homeless center (mouth again). He's neither an alcoholic or drug user. He's not currently receiving any psychiatric treatment and has not been diagnosed with anything concrete they can treat. When we throw him out, he'll be living under a bridge. He'll fit in well there, he has the same entitled song and dance you see on "Cops". I didn't do nothing wrong, it ain't my fault.......

I feel afraid in my own house. Afraid my judgment will snap, very afraid for my wife's safety, afraid for my own safety but that's just our feelings. I don't think at this point I have anything to take to law enforcement for a restraining order. My wife won't tell me half the stuff that goes on so I don't over react and make it worse. We can't go anywhere together because we don't trust him in the house alone.

We both loved our Son dearly and doted on him. We worked hard at providing for his every whim but he doesn't remember any of it. Yes, he is ill, he won't get help, he functions high enough to skate by most testing. Not ill enough for an intervention. We have been propping him up for 20 years and it counted for nothing....and then to be treated like this....and in our own damn house. He has burned our bridge.

If any other unwanted guest talked to my wife like that.....I'd be on them. I think most folks here would also. It takes tremendous willpower not to and I don't know if it's the right choice, but that is what my wife wants. She's doesn't want to see me get beat down in my own living room. She's much wiser than me.....

Any advice would be a Godsend.

He is a threat to you and your wife!

Call and talk to Police and have him removed with a restraining order.

Change the locks the moment he is removed!

^^^
If that does not work, and even if it does, as a next step:

Search for 24 hour elder abuse hotline for the area where this is occurring.

Also, search for Adult Protective Services.

If you are unsure, call 911 and ask if they can provide the agency in your area for immediate help.

Maybe list your general area and perhaps SF members may be able to assist with more relevant information.

Without knowing where you are, it makes it difficult to help search for helpful information in your area.

I'll keep you and yours in prayer, if you need to talk, email me and I'll reply with my phone number.
(I have this specific t-shirt...)



If you are in Indiana, there are several "timelines" of eviction.

3 day
10 day
30 day

-Did you create a written lease or agreement?
-Did you create an oral lease or agreement?
-Does he pay "rent"?
-Does he contribute to utilities?
-Does he contribute to any other "maintenance"? (food, transportation, etc.)
-Is he listed on any utilities, deeds, titles, etc.?

All of those things may matter in Indiana.


A local attorney can advise you of what may be your best course and what applies in your situation.

Many states "Self Help Evictions", changing locks, removing property or anything that may be used to remove or cause a person to leave, can be unlawful and actually work against your best interests.

You must do things that are in you and your wife's best interests, and within the law, so you are not do not suffer further harm, cost or, anguish.


(@tleddy absolutely, no quarter!)

This message has been edited. Last edited by: sigmonkey,

You can not do this alone,
The help is out there , don't be afraid to reach out.

The massive amount of attention he is seeking , may very well not be the attention he will receive.

It sounds ( from your description) that he has mental issues.

There are two possibilities...
1. He admits himself to a mental care facility
2. A LEO and hopefully a second LEO witness his activity and assess the need for admission to a mental care facility.

You have to call LEO. You have to simply state what is happening. No opinions. Just the facts. For example...

"I am in fear for my life."

"I saw him attempt to harm my wife with head butts."

"He made threats to us, to harm us, to destroy our property..."

Find a safe space, with a very secure door AND a way to escape. Usually a bathroom is not escapable. Go together to that room. Do not lock yourself in a room that you cannot escape. Preplan exiting through a window by placing a stepladder under the window outside. Retreat to this space when he is in a rage. Call 911. State the facts.

The obvious has already been said about reporting this, and I'm no lawyer or social worker. All I can say is I'm sorry for you and your wife, and please have the strength to see this through. God be with y'all.

Many states have a 72 hour psychiatric hold if an individual is a danger to themselves or others. Call your local police non-emergency and get direction for how to request and proceed. It's not a solution but at least it buys you time to research and take the next steps.

We deal with this all the time. At least in my state, once you let somebody establish residency in your home, it's very hard to get rid of them.

First and foremost, you need to file for eviction. It doesn't matter what it costs, make it happen. The sooner you get that process started, the sooner you can get him out. Usually it takes at least 30 days, but a judge may be able to grant you an emergency eviction based on the issues you're having with him. The only way to know is to get it in front of a judge, though. And once he's out, DO NOT let him move back in. He created this situation...let him live with the consequences, not you and your wife.

Law enforcement may or may not be able to help directly. They won't be able to remove him from the house until the eviction process is complete and they have a court order to do so. Domestic Battery is a serious offense, but they will need probable cause to make an arrest. A he-said she-said situation with no evidence isn't going to meet that standard. If your wife has physical marks on her or you can act as an eyewitness, it could go a long way towards establishing that. It's also helps if it's immediate. Calling in days after the fact could potentially result in charges being filed, but is less likely to result in an immediate custodial arrest. It sounds like you already know this, but if you get physical with him, you'll likely end up going to jail too, so avoid that at all costs.

The police can do an Emergency Detention for psychiatric reasons if they can demonstrate that he's an immediate threat to himself or others, but once again they have to be able to present evidence to support that. Remember, the officers aren't there in your home, so they're not seeing what you're seeing. It also sounds like your son knows the system enough to say the right things when questioned, so you're going to need to present evidence (audio/video/texts/etc.) to back up your side of the story.

A protective order (PPO) is another possibility. A PPO would prevent him from having any contact whatsoever with the protected person. Here, those are issued by the courts, not the cops. You'd have to go in to the clerk's office and file for one. There will be a hearing to determine if one will be granted, and evidence such as any prior police reports, etc. could be presented in that hearing. The judge will have to make a decision about whether or not to grant a PPO...and in my experience that gets more iffy if they reside in the same house. Sometimes it serves as a defacto eviction as well as a PPO, but I've also seen them do screwy stuff like tell each party to stay on their respective sides of the house, which does nothing to solve the problem.

Another court option would be to petition a judge for an emergency mental health commitment. It sounds like your son has never been diagnosed with anything, so you'd have to be able to offer enough evidence to the judge to convince him that this is warranted.

Adult Protective Services, at least around here, is a joke. They are just another organization that sucks tax dollars, but has no authority to enforce anything and in my experience they don't even follow up in-person on complaints. I've personally filed numerous cases with them, and never once received any follow-up or seen any evidence that they assisted the victim in any way. We've always had to eventually find some other resolution. Maybe they're better where you are, but around here they're a waste of time.

quote:

Many states have a 72 hour psychiatric hold if an individual is a danger to themselves or others. Call your local police non-emergency and get direction for how to request and proceed. It's not a solution but at least it buys you time to research and take the next steps.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Correct answer. The local mental health center should have a 24 hour emergency number. Much better solution than calling the police.

This may or may not help, depending on your recording laws. Next time he acts up and if you have a smart phone, try to film it if feasible, or at least turn it on, set it to video and put it in an inconspicuous place so it can pick up audio. It could be used as evidence. Even better would be video cameras, but it may not be possible to set them up without him seeing.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: egregore,

Unfortunately I cannot offer any more help other than what has been said above but know that you and your wife are in our prayers.
Please keep us posted and be safe.

Thank you Gentlemen for very informative advice! Looking for camera's right now. A hell of a post for Father's day.

I would be afraid any sort of fighting or striking him would end up getting you removed from your own home. Take it all in stride as proof he needs to be evicted. Of course everyone knows he will always be around to some extent. Surely he will always be looking for a handout or help with something.

Lots of this is dependent on where you live as to what options you have. I would pick a mid-morning and go to what ever the LE agency covers your area. Tell them you'd like to speak to the shift supervisor and express your concerns as you have here. Tell them you'd like to make an incident report as documentation of the possible elder abuse and ongoing harassment. The eviction process and gaining protective orders are bolstered by having documentation on file. Don't let the son know of this as it could set him off.

I hate to bring this up, but have you considered moving? Selling your home, and finding a new place he has not been?
I know it seems last ditch, but he sounds dangerous, and you’re right, neither you nor your wife need to feel threatened in your own home at this point in your life..

Having been on several sides of this I will give you my opinion. This is not legal advice.

This is not a landlord-tenant issue unless a shyster lawyer gets involved.

The next time this happens, call 911.
Don't wait, don't hesitate.

Your emergency is that your adult son has attacked your wife. She has fled to the bathroom and is hiding afraid for her life.

This is going to open a can of worms that once opened cannot be closed easily.

Your son may be taken out in cuffs, once in the legal system. The legal system just grinds on.
The legal system is not kind to the mentally ill.

Go to the police station the next morning and file a restraining order. You need to enforce it.

If he shows up call the police.

The exact same scenario played out in Chicago several times. THe perp wound up dead in every case.

You need to call 911 EACH AND EVERY TIME HE GOES OFF. Even if just verbal, this is threatening and abusive behavior and most likely is covered under your states domestic violence laws.

Cameras, audio recordings, immediately activated when he starts.

Get the police involved documenting these outbursts and at the same time start the restraining or domestic violence protection order process started. That process should get him out and some protection for you fairly quickly.

Eviction can be a long and costly process.


Stay strong, sometimes being arrested repeatedly is the only way for help to become available.

Understand that putting up with this is putting your safety at risk and you are not helping your son either.
Getting him the help he needs is a win for all of you.

I too am sorry to read this and that your wife and you have to deal with this.
Seems like some sound advice you are getting here.
I wish you both well. A hope he can receive some help as well.

Hang tough. Cooler heads will prevail. But only if you do what is necessary.