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| Eye on the Silver Lining |
Never, am I wrong? I have a family member who has serious addictive issues. They have been to rehab at least twice that I can recall. I believe they got tossed from the first one, and I think completed the second one. Drugs, booze, etc. As a family, we waited with bated breath, hoping and praying we would get our wonderful family member back whole again and could put the nightmare behind us. That was over a decade ago, and it’s been quite a roller coaster. Naturally, things haven’t gone quite as we hoped, but there seemed to be some effort towards sobriety. This past weekend, another dear family member was married. As I was walking past the recovering alcoholic at one point during the wedding, they started pouring themselves a glass of champagne- we were in a private room reserved for family. I stopped them and said, “Nope. Not in front me. Don’t do that.” There was a little snark and pushback, but they didn’t fill the glass. Ending the weekend with a pizza goodbye for immediate family, the same family member walked into the house and stated “I’d like a glass of wine”, and sat themselves down. My mother was so surprised she didn’t know what to say (this is her own child, my sib) at first. When the request was reiterated, she just said no. And at that point, alcoholic got up and called a cab to take them home. I was beyond pissed. The bride even more so. How could this have been handled better/differently? I’m at a loss as to what to do next. The emotional stir this created, of course, was part of what they wanted. Thanks for listening. __________________________ "Trust, but verify." | ||
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Member |
I think you did fine. Enabling an alcoholic is never recommended. Family members can be the worst saboteurs to an alcoholic's sobriety. The alcoholic is in relapse. Sadly, there is nothing you can do other than not enabling him or her. It's quite obvious to me that they haven't yet hit bottom. If you want help, find an Al-Anon meeting. You can't truly call yourself "peaceful" unless you are capable of great violence. If you're not capable of great violence, you're not peaceful, you're harmless. NRA Benefactor/Patriot Member | |||
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Member |
That first drink leads to the next and so on till they hit the bottom again. Thumbs Up you did good. Bill Wilson once said "One Day at a Time", you helped that day. Chris | |||
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Raptorman |
One's too many, ten's not enough. ____________________________ Eeewwww, don't touch it! Here, poke at it with this stick. | |||
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| Too old to run, too mean to quit! |
My father, grandfather and uncle were all alcoholics. My dad finally took the necessary actions to "get clean". So did my Grandfather. Neither ever took a drink again, but this was after repeated "cures" over many years. My uncle went thru rehab several times, and it never lasted more than a few hours. He finally killed himself drinking canned heat down on skid row. In short? A recovering alcoholic can never take that "just one" drink. Elk There has never been an occasion where a people gave up their weapons in the interest of peace that didn't end in their massacre. (Louis L'Amour) "To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical. " -Thomas Jefferson "America is great because she is good. If America ceases to be good, America will cease to be great." Alexis de Tocqueville FBHO!!! The Idaho Elk Hunter | |||
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| Three Generations of Service  |
"Never" is the correct answer. It took three times for me to understand that. I've been 23 years without a drink and know full well that I can never go there again. You did well. You can't "cure" them, there is no cure. You can refuse to enable them. Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent. | |||
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| Member |
You handled it fine. Tough love, they can NEVER have another drink. | |||
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אַרְיֵה |
These guys have the correct answers. You did fine, irreverent. If the family member in question is determined to drink s/he will find a way. You do not have to, you should not, enable her / him. I had two alcoholics on my mother's side of the family. My grandfather: we learned of his death when the Bowery station of the Salvation Army called to notify us. He literally drank himself to death. His son, my mother's brother, got himself dried out and went on to become a moving force in AA. I lost touch with him for quite a while but as far as I know he stayed sober for the rest of his life. I drank heavily in the past, particularly when I was in the Navy and for quite a few years after. I was never dependent on alcohol and as the years went by I gradually lost interest in drinking. I now have a beer or a glass of wine maybe once or twice a month, usually only one, and almost never more than two. הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים | |||
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Member |
You did good one drink for a recovering alcoholic is too much. That is why the term “recovering” is used and not “recovered”. I have have had relatives who went through treatment many times, sometimes forced (back when you could have them placed in detox) all of the times did not take until they decided for themselves enough was enough. Sadly there are some that never make that decision. They die from some related condition of alcohol. My step father died from a intestinal bleed out in a motel room in Iowa. Alcoholism affects not only the alcoholic, but the family and friends close to that person. There are groups such as Al-non can help you understand the disease and how to handle the different situations. You will not stop the behavior by saying no or causing a scene, if he wants a drink he will have one somewhere. But enabling by offering one or serving him should not be done. Well done by you and your Mother. I will pray that he contacts his sponsor and helps himself. ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ | |||
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| Eating elephants one bite at a time  |
Someone told me that typically an addict will fail seven (7) times before successfully conquering an addiction. They counsel addicts and assist with recovery. I have no reason not to believe it. To answer your question, I believe never is correct. | |||
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| Page late and a dollar short |
In my opinion, same as drug addiction. One drink, one snort, on the slippery slope again. I saw a lot of alcoholism in my dad's family. One of my uncles went cold turkey in 1965, until his death in 1995 he stayed dry. Of all my uncles, he was my favorite. Never a "mean" drunk, just quiet. He stayed sober despite both his wife and both daughters passing before him. Uncle Paul, you are always in my heart and my hat's off to you. -------------------------------------—————— ————————--Ignorance is a powerful tool if applied at the right time, even, usually, surpassing knowledge(E.J.Potter, A.K.A. The Michigan Madman) | |||
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| The success of a solution usually depends upon your point of view |
The correct answer is never. This alcoholic is already drinking again. They were just attempting to gain acceptance from the rest of the family about their drinking again. They are already going down the relapse path and the only option for your family is to refuse to travel that path with them. “We truly live in a wondrous age of stupid.” - 83v45magna "I think it's important that people understand free speech doesn't mean free from consequences societally or politically or culturally." -Pranjit Kalita, founder and CIO of Birkoa Capital Management | |||
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| Bunch of savages in this town  |
I knew a guy that was a recovering heroin addict. He had been clean for 15years, but said he had to fight the urge every day. He told me about a bar that would offer drinks for AA sobriety coins. You'd get a free drink for every year of the coin. The bar would display them somewhere, I honestly can't remember. I hope that place has burned to the ground. ----------------- I apologize now... | |||
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| Just because you can, doesn't mean you should |
This is the answer. Al Anon isn't short for Alcohol Anonymous, it's for family members. They explain how to to deal with the person and they are people dealing with the same problem you are. ___________________________ Avoid buying ChiCom/CCP products whenever possible. | |||
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Member |
Another thing that can be considered besides not being an enabler is to not serve alcohol at family functions when the alcoholic is going to be present. Why put him/her in a position where everyone else is drinking? I'm aware that this was at a wedding and I'm not trying to be critical. God's mercy: NOT getting what we deserve! God's grace: Getting what we DON'T deserve! "If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal Bob P239 40 S&W Endowment NRA Viet Nam '69-'70 | |||
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| Member |
There's a special place in Hell for those kinds of people. I hope. | |||
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Spiritually Imperfect |
The main insight from the origination of AA in the late 1930s is this: Alcoholism is four things; Permanent, Progressive, Patient, and Fatal. I know many people personally who have proven each/all three of those things at one time or another. Myself included. You did the correct thing, irreverent, by getting in his head and getting him to maybe "play the tape through." | |||
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| Peace through superior firepower  |
This is why losing weight is so very difficult. Tell an alcoholic he can still drink, but he needs to do so responsibly. This is what we tell people who arre trying to lose weight. Tell a smoker he can still smoke, but only one cigarette a day. The drinker gets one cocktail per day. Wouldn't work, would it? Nope. You'd have a near 100% failure rate. Complete abstinence is the only path to success. But, the fat guy can't quit eating altogether, can he? Nope, so have just one cigarette err drink err just one slice of pizza.  ____________________________________________________ "I am your retribution." - Donald Trump, speech at CPAC, March 4, 2023 | |||
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Member |
Family needs till wash their hands of the person. Not allow that person to be anywhere near family events. The best thing to do is make them pay the Full price of the addiction/lack of fully made decision to stay stopped and to go to meetings. | |||
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