keep goin.

quote:

Originally posted by PHPaul:
It's different for everybody (no shit, Captain Obvious...) but I reached a point right around your age where stress was affecting my health and my marriage. The source of that stress was the best-paying job I ever had. I had plenty of money and lots of toys.

What I didn't have was time. After a particularly stressful day at work I finally realized that all my "toys" were sitting around gathering dust because I had no time, my wife and I spent most of what little time we had together bitching at each other and even the dog was avoiding me.

Then my old boss retired and I met the new boss. I'm a piss-poor judge of people but it was glaringly obvious that we weren't going to get along. Fortunately, I had my Navy pension to fall back on, so I quit. Took a part time job at half the hourly wage.

Life got better almost immediately.

A wordy way of saying Time is Precious and you can't buy more. Decide if you'd rather use it up making money you can manage without or enjoying what you already have, both materially and relationship-wise.

I would like to second this. A person spends so much of their time and energy chasing the almighty dollar that far, far too many things slip away from you. (Personally, I feel like I'm losing my mind these days due to stress).

A person only has so much energy to use on a daily basis and HOW it's used should be very, very carefully engineered.

The only other observation I can add is whatever a person is now is going to become more pronounced as they age. I know a guy who's a borderline hoarder. Youth and energy has kept him somewhat in check but he's losing control as he ages. Good generally keeps going in the right direction but bad really starts going off the rails.

V.

I had a bit of a wake up call of sorts about 7 years ago. Many of the older guys with good pensions and higher paying positions took retirement. I can think of at least 10 just from my organization that we’re either dead within the next year or were dealing with heart issues or cancer. They had worked close to 60 hour weeks for as long as I knew them and they had accumulated lots of unused vacation hours as part of their retirement. They had no life outside of work.

I’ve pretty much decided I have zero interest in continuing to climb the ladder in my final 7 to 10 years of work and only work 40 hour weeks and take every bit of paid time off. I can tell the difference with less stress in my life. There’s no guarantees when it comes to health though but at least I’ll die relatively happy when I do go.

I recall a quote, posted by JALLEN likely, that basically said “Cemeteries are full of essential people.”

I left the Army back in 2000, after 33 years full-time soldiering without getting killed once.

Mrs tac, me and our twenty-y/o daughter [disabled, but bright nonetheless], were ready to make plans to go and settle in Canada with the rest of my family. I'd be working in Ottawa for the gubmint and we'd all be fat , dumb and happy.

Never happened.

Instead, daughter fell very ill with her shunts going tit's up and life-threatening- she spent nine weeks in the regional hospital neurosurgical unit, and took over a year to get fully better.

Our plans had flown out of the window - her care came first.

In a nutshell, we never moved, although I spent a lot of time in Canada setting up a training school, and then I got head-hunted by the Japanese government to do the same there - a job that took almost eight years.

Daughter got married in 2005, and eventually produced a granddaughter who is our eye-apple. Since neither daughter or her husband are capable of parenting, we share the upbringing with our 'matching' grandparent set.

Mrs tac and I are as busy as it is possible to be, but we still make time to go home to Canada every year or so, and back to Oregon every year, and we make that suffice - it makes us happy to do so. Neither of us are particularly in love with where we are located - it's flat, and we both love mountains. But on the plus side we are healthy and not poor and have some good friends around here.

What I'm trying to get over is that life almost never works out the way you want it to do, you make plans and then life bulldozes all over them without caring a hoot.

Sure, if the funds are endless, you can MAKE things happen, but for most of us we have to make do with what we have.

Keep occupied - no matter what it is that you have to occupy you - both of us are 73 this year, but neither feel it, nor look it. We are both taken to be perhaps in our early 60's. Do what you can to keep the mind alive - read stuff, look around you'll and find amazement where at first there was little interest.

Involve yourself with people, is perhaps the most important thing we do. A dear friend of mine in Oregon told me today that he has lost the ability to meet with people, and never leaves the house these days - he is pretty run-down and ill, and I grieve for him for his loss, knowing that at 6500 miles distance, I can do little for him. Keep your friends close, even if it's by email.

Rant is over.

Don't pass up any pussy.

quote:

Originally posted by coloradohunter44:

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
Take care of your health.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Cannot be overstated. Do what you love that is physical now, while all your body parts work. They slowly fall apart even if you take care. Great thread and love everyone else's perspective as well.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH!!!

I'm 50 and just posted about having cancer... I sure wish someone had forced me to go get checked before I perforated my bowel and came REALLY CLOSE to dying!

HEALTH! Do it for your loved ones if not yourself!

JAmes

71 here and similar to you in mamy ways. Type A, loved my job put in a LOT of hours.

Looking back would have spent more of the time I had with the kids and wife. I did not ignore them but I would have spent more time with them.

The kids grow up so fast that thinking we can do that tomorrow never happened a lot of the time.

Blessed now, all are healthy and productive, wife is the best and we are great grandparents.

I do have some serious health issues and traveling now is not as easy, would have done a little more of that when I was younger.

Blessings to you and your family!

quote:

What I'm trying to get over is that life almost never works out the way you want it to do, you make plans and then life bulldozes all over them without caring a hoot.

Sometimes you just have to be rock-solid stubborn to get through the stuff that’s bulldozed over your plans; sometimes things turn out better than you could have imagined.

Resilience is the key. The opposite of what is being taught to snowflakes.

I am not much older than you at 56.

I agree with those that suggest taking good care of your health and physical condition. I have never been in very good shape, and the older you get the harder it is to change. Set the pattern now.

I enjoyed my kids moving on. It was nice to not have all that swirling around all the time. I love them, but it was good not to be consumed with kid activities all the time.

Find something you think will be interesting to you when you retire. My dad did very well with that, and he is still going pretty strong at 82.

Hah! Have another kid. I’m 51 with a soon to be 5 year old. I don’t have time to think about being 51. My wife is 42, looks 32, acts 22 (in the good way).
I’ve realized that it’s just a number.

quote:

Originally posted by Jim Shugart:
Don't pass up any pussy.

Opposite advice I would give. Unless she is worth all the marbles, pass. It isn’t worth the time or aggravation.

If you aren’t healthy get healthy. Eat right, exercise in some sort of fashion. Write down what really makes you happy and do that, ignore everything else. Have a retirement plan (finances) and start planning where you will retire. The world is a negative nasty place. So focus on your hobbies or things you ah e passion towards and focus on that during your free time. I’m into my motorcycles, cars, film, my K9, and enjoy shooting. So I focus on those things and pretty much ignore most else. Just went to Maui for a week last month and taking a break, a breath, and enjoying a vacation does wonders. Changes your perspective.

This thing is short, nobody makes out of it alive, so act accordingly. Seize the time you have on the planet and do what you love. I am single, never wanted kids and people our age ask how, why, etc. My response is I am free. I do what I want when I want and will never tolerate someone else telling me what to do with the money I earn.

Best of luck.

quote:

Originally posted by Jim Shugart:
Don't pass up any pussy.

Sagacious advice. Don’t be the old man on the rocking chair saying, “I would’ve, could’ve, should’ve.”

Opportunity doesn’t always knock twice.

quote:

Originally posted by smithnsig:
Hah! Have another kid. I’m 51 with a soon to be 5 year old. I don’t have time to think about being 51. My wife is 42, looks 32, acts 22 (in the good way).
I’ve realized that it’s just a number.

That makes me feel a little better. I'm 46 with a CRAZY 4 year old boy and his equally crazy 20 month old brother.

Wife wants a little girl, bad.

I keep telling her "I'm too old for this crap!"

quote:

Originally posted by PASig:

quote:

Originally posted by smithnsig:
Hah! Have another kid. I’m 51 with a soon to be 5 year old. I don’t have time to think about being 51. My wife is 42, looks 32, acts 22 (in the good way).
I’ve realized that it’s just a number.

That makes me feel a little better. I'm 46 with a CRAZY 4 year old boy and his equally crazy 20 month old brother.

Wife wants a little girl, bad.

I keep telling her "I'm too old for this crap!"

Sheeittt, I'm two months shy of 54, and I have a 5.5 month old, not to mention the eleven, nine, and six year olds, all boys. I didn't meet my wife until I was forty and hadn't been married before. Talk about a life change that was pretty much unforeseeable at the time.

At this point, I've accepted that there's no after kids . . . this is it. It's a huge struggle to keep that reality in the forefront of my everyday life. I want to save for the future for my wife and I to do stuff, but the reality is, we need to to do it now and in the near future. Not spend foolishly, of course, and we do tuck a large percent away, but we have to figure out how to take all of those big trips, dragging along the kids, rather than waiting 'til they've left, 'cause they ain't leaving.

To put it in perspective, I'll be in my seventies when the youngest graduates high school, not too far off the age of my FIL now. My MIL died at sixty-nine, just a few years after they retired. It hit my wife extremely hard, and we're trying to balance putting enough away for later, but also doing those things that others do later. I'm having a hard time articulating this, but I think the gist is coming across.

Unfortunately, this doesn't address the OP's conundrum. I will echo those advocating getting on a physical routine -- stretching, cardio, and strength. Also re-engage your brain -- now that you may have some time, go the the local JU-CO or college and audit courses on something that's always intrigued you. Find some of both to do with your wife.

Locate a good dermatologist. You’ll be seeing him or her from time to time. And more often as time goes by.

My good friend told me that the 3 postulates of turning 60 were:
1. Never trust a fart.
2. Never turn down a chance to pee.
3. Never waste a hard-on.

18 years more advanced than you are.

My advice, do not expect to feel, or be like you are now as you age. Your balance, stamina, and energy no matter how healthy you stay , will slowly or perhaps speedily diminish.

And there is no use getting mad about it.

quote:

Originally posted by Jim Shugart:
Don't pass up any pussy.

Hmmm, one of the great lies I heard growing up was there's no such thing as bad pussy.

Stay healthy and get regular check ups....I am 45 and had a heart attach last year, it was quite a shock to me....I always joked I was was as healthy as a horse. Since I was 18 I have never been sickly...most colds or the flu last only a couple of days so I seldom saw a Dr.. A simple stress test would have shown the blockage that turned into a 100% blockage on a Friday in Aug. 2018 that if it weren't for the EMTs/ER staff/Cardiologist fast (Stent going in within 45 min of my 911 call) I might have died....in fact my heart did stop on the table and the nurse apologized for hitting me with the paddles....yea...modern medicine!


Also I made the decision of dialing back my professional drive a couple years ago....I have a good job and am respected in my field but I am no longer work the 80 hour weeks.....I just said no, it's hard to do but it can be done.

I still have a lot of work to do...my wife says I always live in the future...she's right, I need to take time to enjoy the now. It's hard but I need to do it.

I am 85 and in good health, not perfect health too be sure, but nothing life threatening. I am in much better than average physical condition for my age. Part of this is no doubt due to genetics, part luck, and the rest because I have taken steps to manage my health as best I can.

My first advice is too do the same. A comprehensive physical at Mayo Clinic or some similar provider is well worth the time and money.

I have a 66/7-year-old neighbor, a Doctor, who in my judgment sets the example of what not to do--- you can draw your own conclusions;
He retired 4 years ago after working for years at a 60 hour/week pace and does in fact have some life-threatening conditions, retirement was a strong recommendation from his personal physicians.
He bought a house near me, totally rebuilt it, and added space and facilities for some very expensive hobbies. He has no money problems, unless time to spend it qualifies as a problem.
He and his wife moved in and I talked to him, He talked about cycling with me to get into shape.
The next time I saw him, he told me that he had found a job out of the country where he was really needed, so off he went. He returned for about six weeks most of which he spent hospitalized for heart and back problems.
As soon as he was ambulatory, he was off again to another place in Oregon where they “need him”. He has been gone the almost the entire 4 years since he finished the re-build. His hobbies are collecting dust.
His wife stays here.

If dying a wealthy man with your boots on is your game, your 60-hour week is an excellent way to start the process. But soon you should arrive at a time to decide what is really important to you and your loved ones. If you don’t have loved ones your life is emptier than most and you need to rethink it.
Personally, I think a career should be the means and not the goal for a good life.