Trump Requests Impeachment Trial By Combat (A Satirical News Article)

November 15, 2019, 11:22 PM

How about a laugh after watching that BS charade all week.

(Just in case, I repeat, this is a satirical article)

https://babylonbee.com/news/tr...ment-trial-by-combat

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congress’s impeachment inquiry got off to a slow start, with a bunch of people just droning on about “quid pro quo” or something, but things soon got exciting when President Trump marched into the hearing wiedling a broadsword and announced, “I demand trial by combat!”

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi then explained to the president that they hadn’t actually determined whether there would be a trial yet, but Trump was undeterred, once again bellowing, “Trial by combat!”

An argument ensued over whether such a thing was allowed, but Trump insisted, “It’s right there in the Constitution. I can have a trial by combat.” Everyone at the hearing admitted they had never actually read the Constitution so they couldn’t verify what Trump had said, but many agreed that it “sounds like something that would be in the Constitution” since the Constitution is “very old.”

“My weapon of choice will be a shotgun,” Trump said, tossing his ceremonial broadsword to the side. “And I will face your strongest.” He looked around the room and settled on Representative Adam Schiff. “That guy. His weapon will be a paddle ball.”

“You don’t get to choose your opponent and his weapons,” Pelosi responded. “I’m pretty sure that’s not how this works.”

Again, Trump was undeterred. “I’m going to go load my shotgun.” He stared at Schiff. “Be ready.” And then Trump left the hearing.

It’s unclear whether the trial by combat will actually happen, as Schiff is now missing, but if it does occur, it’s expected to be a ratings bonanza for C-SPAN.

November 15, 2019, 11:35 PM

dsiets

Lol. I read that earlier and thought about posting it. Then I got sidetracked reading the other Babylonbee links.

November 15, 2019, 11:45 PM

bald1

Now that would be great! lollololololololololol

November 16, 2019, 06:19 AM

erj_pilot

Well Festivus is just around the corner, so we could hold a Feats Of Strength...

"If you’re a leader, you lead the way. Not just on the easy ones; you take the tough ones too…” – MAJ Richard D. Winters (1918-2011), E Company, 2nd Battalion, 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne

"Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil... Therefore, as tongues of fire lick up straw and as dry grass sinks down in the flames, so their roots will decay and their flowers blow away like dust; for they have rejected the law of the Lord Almighty and spurned the word of the Holy One of Israel." - Isaiah 5:20,24

November 16, 2019, 06:41 AM

kramden

The "House" has done NOTHING for America. Absolutely nothing. They are paid $174,000 a year to fix Americas problems and make this a better country. And all they have done is try to change the results of the 2016 election. What a waste of OUR time and money. Not to mention they're insane.

November 16, 2019, 06:44 AM

RAMIUS

quote:
Originally posted by kramden:
The "House" has done NOTHING for America. Absolutely nothing. They are paid $174,000 a year to fix Americas problems and make this a better country. And all they have done is try to change the results of the 2016 election. What a waste of OUR time and money. Not to mention they're insane.

Trial by combat it is!