Oh, sure, it sounds gay, but it's nothing like that.

I need someone to follow me around, watch me 24 hours a day, and if I pick up a donut, slap it out of my hand. That goes for pizza, cheeseburgers, wings, what have ya.

If necessary, they should lock me in a room for days at a time, feeding me only every other day. And then, I'll write a diet book- The Incarceration Diet.

Of course, there are some legal hurdles which will need to be overcome.

I thought you wuz married, that's where I got mine...

quote:

Originally posted by HRK:
I thought you wuz married, that's where I got mine...

You too?

I am married, but she's just a little thing, can't generate sufficent arm speed to send the donuts flying.

And she's not around every second of the day.

I'm in with some $ for R&D, 'cause I could use one too.

Maybe one of those electric dog collars that has a fat, sugar and beer sensor on it. Set to "paralyze".

I was a sucker for donuts way back in the 80's. Yep...meeting at the base, so make sure you have 3 or 4 dozen donuts especially the cream filled.

Then there was Shoppers Food Warehouse with their price mark down of donuts.

Then sometime later, Dr. Sinatra in his health newsletter....sugar equals donuts equals trouble.

I can foresee something like this when they have to lock me in a room.

Yep carbs, be they donuts, hot bread with butter or just plain old corn bread are tough. I used to be hooked on my MIL’s chocolate brownies too. Then along came type II diabetes. I did good for a good while, but the hot bread & cornbread were still my curse. Then along came COVID & I backslide and everything was fair game. I started having AFib about that time as well, so I guess I just tried to eat my way out of the depression of it all. My wife got me started doing keyto in January of this year. I’m rarely hungry and I’m able to pass on all those things I loved to take “just one” (more f more). 65 pounds in 8 months and I’m better off. Go eat some meat and that’s not a hamburger either.

After counting/documenting calories for two months.

I found 1800 calories per day very manageable you could to.
THEN

Isat down and figured out how many calories that I did not shove down my pie hole.

I came close to getting dizzy.
9000 effen calories, in a month !

How about a monkey with a taser? You know, wearing one of those little service animal vests?

quote:

Originally posted by shovelhead:
How about a monkey with a taser? You know, wearing one of those little service animal vests?

I'll let him speak for himself, but I doubt sigmonkey wants the job!

quote:

I need someone to follow me around, watch me 24 hours a day, and if I pick up a donut, slap it out of my hand. That goes for pizza, cheeseburgers, wings, what have ya.

Something like a Food Anonymous?

Somebody needs to shoot that little sumbitch.

An updated version of the Trunk Monkey would be awesome.
.

Armed monkeys, I don't know.

A taser seems like a bad idea. I don't care how well they're trained- they're too much like us and they might just go off, climbing on the light fixtures and whatnot, doin' all that damn screeching and shit.

How'd you like to have a spastic monkey firing tasers at you from your chandelier? It's not an attractive proposition.

SIR, drop the donut and show me your hands, do it now. Taser, taser, taser.

I think we can modify a training shock collar that will sense your hand moving to your mouth.

This time of year I could certainly use whatever solution you find Para. Between apple cider donuts, apple-whatever pie and fresh pumpkin bread, my Buddha wants to take it all in.

Said slapper would need a new waiver signed and notarized.

The Yooper grocery store bakery has addicted me to their Cinnamon Rolls. And Chocolate Muffins with Chocolate Chips.
I have tried to kick but failed. I am weak.