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Happily Retired |
Hey, I'm an old guy and fully believe in old time values but a guy in his late twenties wanting to talk to the dad just to take his daughter out on a date makes absolutely no sense. Like I said...something else may be going on here. Anyways, if it were me and my 31 year old daughter came to me and said she met a guy and he wants to talk to you before we go out, I would look at her and say "whats up with that"? But then, I would still sit down with him and chat if he felt that strongly about it all. .....never marry a woman who is mean to your waitress. | |||
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| Just because you can, doesn't mean you should |
I would at least do a quick internet search of him and his family. Couldn't hurt and you never know. Hopefully he will be what he appears to be. ___________________________ Avoid buying ChiCom/CCP products whenever possible. | |||
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Member |
No they are already dating even though they haven't made it "formal" so to speak between themselves. My daughter asked him to visit with me as a courtesy as they're beginning a courtship leading to a possible marriage which is a common desire between them. I'm sure she would like me to get a sounding on my own as a backup or confirmation of her own analysis of their relationship so far. I think she would like some confirmation or perceptions from someone she trusts that is not one of her girlfriends. It appears to be me. That makes me feel wanted in a positive fatherly sense. Now about which gun I should be cleaning... Lover of the US Constitution Wile E. Coyote School of DIY Disaster | |||
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delicately calloused |
My daughter is one of the most precious things in my life. I protect and defend the precious things in my life with extreme prejudice. Do you believe me? That's about what I'd say with fierce eyes and a warm smile. You’re a lying dog-faced pony soldier | |||
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| Unapologetic Old School Curmudgeon  |
At their age, and if he's the type going for BUDs, you aren't going to be intimidating him at all. Sounds like she kind of gave him the ol you need to meet my dad speech. If he's willing to do so and she's been dating him a while, then she has already decided he is worth the long haul and apparently he is to. Not necessarily marriage but a serious relationship. Don't weep for the stupid, or you will be crying all day | |||
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| Member |
That's funny. Nice. Lover of the US Constitution Wile E. Coyote School of DIY Disaster | |||
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Spread the Disease |
More importantly, have you had a conversation about this with your daughter? ________________________________________ -- Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. -- | |||
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| Rail-less and Tail-less |
What if he pulls out his own gun and starts cleaning it with you? “Welcome to the family son” _______________________________________________ Use thumb-size bullets to create fist-size holes. | |||
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| Green grass and high tides  |
While I completely understand this sentiment. I would be a bit careful as I have seen some young women who turned in to older women who where completely screwed up and failures because of having fathers like this. You may not be doing her justice but setting her up for failure. "Practice like you want to play in the game" | |||
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| If you're gonna be a bear, be a Grizzly!  |
My daughter brought home a boy for the first time, and apparently had warned him beforehand about my sense of humor. I met him at the door with a dummy grenade, pulled the pin, and handed it to him. He flipped it over his shoulder and walked on in. I liked that kid. Here's to the sunny slopes of long ago. | |||
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| hello darkness my old friend  |
Ask him about the death penalty. Ask him about what crimes the death penalty is appropriate for. Let him know you are flexible on the use of the death penalty and who carries it out. | |||
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Yeah, that M14 video guy... |
Catching flies with honey. Well since he's in/has been in the military, that opens things up a bit. They're not teenagers, so just see it as meeting a new friend. Be light hearted and friendly. I took my son in law shooting, even when they were dating. However, me and my daughter are extremely close so he knew that he had to be in good with me to be with her. The three of us are actually going to the Marine Corps Ball in a couple of weeks. My daughter married the only guy she ever dated and they've been dating since high school. He's a good kid. I literally talk to him as if he's one of my friends. I'd simply welcome him in and ask him to tell you about himself. What are his interests, what does he like to do for fun. Ask him to describe what he does/did in the military. The more you make him feel comfortable, the more he will open up to you and be honest with you. My daughter and son in law are adults and I treat them as such. They are both sharp people and not freeloaders. I find that if I'm relatable, he'll talk openly with me about anything. The more you don't overreact to anything, the more open they will be, but listen for any red flags, like drinking, drugs, temper, avoiding responsibility. Take in what you can and assess the situation after you meet him. My son in law asked for my blessing while I was in the garage building an M14 for a retired Marine major, who just happened to be there with me. At the time, my daughter had already been in the Marines for 6 months. Tony.This message has been edited. Last edited by: benny6, Owner, TonyBen, LLC, Type-07 FFL www.tonybenm14.com (Site under construction). e-mail: tonyben@tonybenm14.com | |||
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Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes |
I have two married daughters. The two times I had a conversation like you describe is when the men asked for my blessing on asking for her hand in marriage. _______________________ “There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.” ― Frank Zappa | |||
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| Member |
This!! _________________________________________________ "Once abolish the God, and the Government becomes the God." --- G.K. Chesterton | |||
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Member |
That's the best advice so far! | |||
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Res ipsa loquitur |
Hehehe - as a father of daughters. __________________________ | |||
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| Administrator |
I'm going to treat this inquiry like it's a serious one. So, here goes: The most valuable thing you have in this situation isn't your gun. It's your daughter's respect. Sounds like you have it, so her respect and your influence over her is yours to lose. 1) Think of when you married your wife, and what questions you would have asked yourself. What would you have wanted to know? [for instance, I'd like to know what his relationship with his own parents is.] 2) If he went to BUDs he's probably not going to be scared of or impressed by your guns. At most, I'd tell him (if true) that firearms have been a part of your family and you'd like to know his feelings on the matter and use and safe handling of said firearms. Not looking for technical details here, so much as a cool head and sound judgement. He can learn the technical details if he doesn't get his head shot off doing something stupid (or shoot it off himself). 3) In the short-term, your relationship with him doesn't matter. Serious here, because, no matter what happens at the interview, she's still going to be your daughter. What matters is your relationship with your daughter. You can't break up with her boyfriend/fiance: only she can. Therefore, even if you get the heebee geebees from this guy, your only real leverage is the respect your daughter has for you. Ask him some questions, let him talk, make sure you understand what he is saying. If you have issues with what he says, don't argue with him. Write them down [and then have an honest & private discussion with your daughter about your "concerns" and why they should matter to both you and her]. When you and her boyfriend are done talking, thank him for his time and let him go thinking that he passed the interview (but don't tell him so, even if he did). If he failed, but she respects you, and knows that you gave him a fair shake, the fact that you were fair will lend credence to your conclusions, negative though they might be. Aside: this is why you want him to leave the interview thinking he passed. If boyfriend tells your daughter that he thinks you were fair to him, that's more money in your account when you go to tell her why boyfriend is wrong for her. If she doesn't respect you or doesn't think you were fair, then you've already lost. If he passed, then everything is good, right? Guiding principle: this isn't about your relationship with her boyfriend. This is about honoring your relationship with your daughter. When in doubt, let that principle guide your decisions. [And even if candidate #1 blows it, you want her to come back when it's time to try again with someone else, right?] Those are my humble suggestions. | |||
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goodheart |
Outstanding, LDD. Very wise advice. _________________________ “ What all the wise men promised has not happened, and what all the damned fools said would happen has come to pass.”— Lord Melbourne | |||
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| I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not |
Very good suggestions and I agree!!! My daughter recently "came out" to me and frankly I am a little jealous of your position. You will have to let us know how it goes lol | |||
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thin skin can't win |
Another good example of a thread with a story that needs the conclusion but the OPs move on and don’t. Or maybe it’s not happened yet. Or maybe the youngster took him out and is driving around in his truck! You only have integrity once. - imprezaguy02 | |||
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