Good morning, all. In this time of holidays and happiness and cheery situations, I'm aware that there are a lot of people out there in crummy situations, for whom the usual happy greetings may just be sand in the ointment, so to speak.

There are lots of articles on the web right now mentioning seasonal depression and such, and I'm left wondering. If we know someone who's in a crummy situation, how do we avoid hurting feelings or sparking unintended consequences when attempting to say something nice?

For instance: I know a family who's considering bankruptcy. "Merry Christmas" seems entirely the wrong thing to say, knowing that times are very hard in that house. Another family has a divorce ahead. Standard happy wishes just might not be well-received. I just don't know what to say in these cases.

In the one case, last week it would have been absolutely normal to send a "Happy Thanksgiving" message. But I knew that the offhand response could have easily been something like, "THIS is what I'm thankful for? No way!" Or worse.

I want to say something nice and happy, but I know there's very little lightheartedness for these people. What the heck do I do or say?

I think letting them know you always wish the best for them, and that your hope is the days ahead will be better for them than now might be an option. Of course that's longer than a standard two word salutation - but they have complex life situations that require more effort in your selection.

Let them know that you care about them. 35 years ago I was going through a divorce during the Christmas season. I was very depressed. It didn't bother me when my friends said merry Christmas because I knew that they meant no offense nor harm. The last thing I wanted was for the people that cared about me to be walking on egg shells because of my situation.

It’s a greeting, a wish, not a command.

"Festivus salutations!"

quote:

Originally posted by arfmel:
"Festivus salutations! ..."

... "What are your grievances?"

I have been through some of the misery you mention. I always appreciated someone wishing me Merry Christmas, Happy Thanksgiving, or Happy New Year. I felt that they were hoping things improved for my situation. I was never offended.

Then again, I am pretty private, and very few people knew that my marriage was ending at the time, so no one who wished me well would have assumed that things weren't otherwise ok with me. I can see how that might affect the position of the well wisher.

Perhaps say whatever wishes are heartfelt?

Whatever it is, if you say it from your heart, seems like it would be well received. Perhaps hard times are here but caring words of hope may be welcome.

quote:

Originally posted by vthoky:
If we know someone who's in a crummy situation, how do we avoid hurting feelings or sparking unintended consequences when attempting to say something nice?

I want to say something nice and happy, but I know there's very little lightheartedness for these people. What the heck do I do or say?

You say whatever you would normally say.

There is no requirement that they feel nice or happy at your greeting and you shouldn't have an expectation that they should feel that way.

Avoiding hurting feelings, will feel like pity and is the last thing they'd want. Sparking unintended consequences assumes that you have the powder to change how others will feel...that is more than a little presumptuous

Gee, I wasn't intending to be presumptuous; but isn't that sort of what kind words are supposed to do? Make someone feel better or bring them some happiness?

quote:

Originally posted by vthoky:
Gee, I wasn't intending to be presumptuous; but isn't that sort of what kind words are supposed to do? Make someone feel better or bring them some happiness?

It's easy. Just send your friend a check for $2,000 in a Merry Christmas card!.....

j/k, I have appreciated just a Merry Christmas or card in times when I've been down......it's the thought that counts and sometimes just the idea that someone's thinking of you.

"Wishing the best for you."

If you're physically near, sometimes words aren't even necessary. A look and a nod or a touch on the shoulder or arm can say a whole lot more.

Those life situations are in a different league of their own, Christmas or not. Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD) can be remedied by gifting them a lamp with sun characteristics (no solar flares though, I forget what component is missing by staying indoors during winter). Or getting them to walk outside or even better walking with them outside in the sun.

I'm susceptible to SAD. I'd call my wife and, especially during winter, she'd say, "go out and take a walk outside the office."

Don't hesitate to give the traditional greetings.

We all have crap in our lives, some minor, some serious.

I've been in the serious crap for some years now, and I won't let my situation ruin a sincere holiday wish from someone.

Hopefully the recipient will accept it in the spirit it was given.