SIGforum
laws for silly things when you are the emperor...
February 10, 2018, 10:56 AM
Lord Vaaliclaws for silly things when you are the emperor...
If a fast food place gets your order wrong, they owe you your money back plus 300% and an apology from a manager.
Any DJ who talks over the beginning of songs will have a person handcuffed to them for a period of not less than 6 months who will interrupt them every time they try and speak... Every time.
People who can't handle merging onto a highway shall have their license removed until such time as they can show they have learned how to properly do so
If more than 90% of a work team agrees someone is a douchebag then they are fired. You know that guy... The one nobody can fathom how they keep their job. If a few people don't like someone, well maybe it's a personality issue, but when every single member of that dept says this guy is as dumb and useless as a sack of nerf hammers, get out.
Grown men who piss on a public toilet seat shall be flogged
Don't weep for the stupid, or you will be crying all day February 10, 2018, 11:03 AM
PHPaulThe following egregious offenses to Good Order and Discipline Upon the Roadways shall result in immediate revocation of driving privileges until remedial training has eliminated the problem:
1. Not using your headlights during inclement weather, well before dusk or before the sun is well and truly up.
2. Stopping in the roadway before completing a right turn (assuming the way is clear and you're just being a douche).
3. Left turn from other than a left turn lane if provided.
4. Dozing off at green lights. Summary execution if you were texting.
5. Blocking the left lane.
6. Stopping at the end of on-ramps.
I'm sure others will occur to me over time, those are the ones that have pissed me off this week.
Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
February 10, 2018, 11:06 AM
RogueJSKIf a useless parent calls the police to try to get the cops to discipline their child or make them do what they're told (clean their room, eat their veggies, do their homework, etc.), the parent shall be arrested and placed in a public pillory or stocks for no less than 48 hours.
On a related note, birth control will be applied to all food and water supplies. Only those who pass an IQ test, psych evaluation, and credit check shall receive the antidote.
(Given enough time, the latter law will obviate the need for the former law.)
February 10, 2018, 11:09 AM
GustoferDriving 10MPH under the speed limit shall not be tolerated. Anyone doing so, while not pulling to the side allowing others to pass them, is subject to being rear-ended and/or pushed off the road with no punishment whatsoever to the pusher.
Anyone who travels the speed of light in two lanes and then reduces their speed to well under the speed limit when those two lanes merge into one lane, shall suffer the same punishment.
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"Great danger lies in the notion that we can reason with evil." Doug Patton.
February 10, 2018, 11:12 AM
YooperSigsArguing with the grocery cashier over the expiration date and or value of a coupon while 110 people wait in line behind you.
Banishment from the grocery. Forever!
End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
February 10, 2018, 11:39 AM
egregoreSilly things?? Those sound pretty sensible to me.
February 10, 2018, 11:46 AM
sigfreundquote:
Originally posted by YooperSigs:
Arguing with the grocery cashier over the expiration date and or value of a coupon while 110 people wait in line behind you.
Banishment from the grocery. Forever!
The same punishment for standing in line for five minutes at a grocery store, then waiting until the cashier has rung up everything (including any coupons) before realizing that they will have to be paid for and
then starting to look for one’s credit cards or cash. Flogging will be added if it’s necessary to rummage through one’s wallet or purse and inspect six different cards before deciding which one has room to add $10.90 in purchases before being maxed out.
Flogging is also the punishment for standing in line for five minutes or more at a fast food restaurant and waiting until the cashier asks, “May I help you?” before looking at the huge menu posted above and then trying to decide what they’ll order. Twice as many lashes if they’re accompanied by a small child and must then ask, “What do you want, Snookums?” and also have to get into an explanation of why their particular promotional toy is no longer available and what might be an acceptable substitute.
► 6.4/93.6
“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.”
— Plato February 10, 2018, 11:54 AM
RogBAnyone caught texting while driving, and/or not moving when light turns green because they are absorbed in their phone, or waiting until last second to cut across three lanes of traffic to exit highway, or goes into the coin only lane at toll booth and then doesn't have the change while traffic backs up behind them, loses license for 12 months along with their right to vote indefinitely.
_______________________________________
NRA Life Member
Member Isaac Walton League
I wouldn't let anyone do to me what I've done to myself
February 10, 2018, 03:31 PM
low8optionAny person who uses the term "Sensible Gun Control" loses their right to vote until Hell freezes over.
Freedom comes from the will of man. In America it is guaranteed by the 2nd Amendment February 10, 2018, 04:30 PM
Hound DogBan all cigarettes and vaping. Good cigars and pipe smoke shall be allowed with present restrictions (no smoking in restaurants, public bldgs, etc).
Chewing tobaco will be banned.
Outlaw fartcan mufflers, and wheels more than one size too big OR too small.
Rap noise (sorry, I just cannot call it 'music') shall be punishable by death.
Those big ear holes shall be banned, along with all but about 5% of body piercings.
No beards allowed unless neatly trimmed.
Fear God and Dread Nought
Admiral of the Fleet Sir Jacky Fisher
February 10, 2018, 05:18 PM
tatortodd
All deportations will be via trebuchet. CBP will do their best to land you in your country of origin, but suggest watching a few YouTube videos on how to swim if you're not from Canada or Central America.
If you make a dumb ass comment like, "I hear gasoline might hit $5.00 per gallon this summer" then $10,000 will be deducted from your savings, investments, or added to your debt and will be automatically invested in a long commodity derivative that only pays off if gasoline hits $5.00 per gallon or more between Memorial Day weekend and Labor Day. If you're a news reporter, the amount deducted increases to $100,000.
Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity
DISCLAIMER: These are the author's own personal views and do not represent the views of the author's employer. February 10, 2018, 06:12 PM
brecaidraAnyone who starts telling you a story after you have clearly stated, "I really need to go now," will not be allowed to utter a single word until they have written the entire story by hand and had it proofread and approved by a hired professional.
SIGforum's triple minority
"It can't rain all the time." - Eric Draven February 10, 2018, 06:16 PM
rtquigquote:
Originally posted by sigfreund:
quote:
Originally posted by YooperSigs:
Arguing with the grocery cashier over the expiration date and or value of a coupon while 110 people wait in line behind you.
Banishment from the grocery. Forever!
The same punishment for standing in line for five minutes at a grocery store, then waiting until the cashier has rung up everything (including any coupons) before realizing that they will have to be paid for and
then starting to look for one’s credit cards or cash. Flogging will be added if it’s necessary to rummage through one’s wallet or purse and inspect six different cards before deciding which one has room to add $10.90 in purchases before being maxed out.
Flogging is also the punishment for standing in line for five minutes or more at a fast food restaurant and waiting until the cashier asks, “May I help you?” before looking at the huge menu posted above and then trying to decide what they’ll order. Twice as many lashes if they’re accompanied by a small child and must then ask, “What do you want, Snookums?” and also have to get into an explanation of why their particular promotional toy is no longer available and what might be an acceptable substitute.
What is even worse than looking for their credit card is when all is done the pull out a check book to pay.
Living the Dream
February 10, 2018, 06:30 PM
Elk Hunterquote:
Originally posted by RogueJSK:
If a useless parent calls the police to try to get the cops to discipline their child or make them do what they're told (clean their room, eat their veggies, do their homework, etc.), the parent shall be arrested and placed in a public pillory or stocks for no less than 48 hours.
On a related note, birth control will be applied to all food and water supplies. Only those who pass an IQ test, psych evaluation, and credit check shall receive the antidote.
(Given enough time, the latter law will obviate the need for the former law.)
Works for me! Not to mention death penalty for drunk drivers who kill people.
Elk
There has never been an occasion where a people gave up their weapons in the interest of peace that didn't end in their massacre. (Louis L'Amour)
"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical. "
-Thomas Jefferson
"America is great because she is good. If America ceases to be good, America will cease to be great." Alexis de Tocqueville
FBHO!!!
The Idaho Elk Hunter
February 10, 2018, 06:50 PM
PHPaulquote:
Originally posted by brecaidra:
Anyone who starts telling you a story after you have clearly stated, "I really need to go now," will not be allowed to utter a single word until they have written the entire story by hand and had it proofread and approved by a hired professional.
Hah! You must have met the ultrasound technician I had today. (Routine screening, nothing serious) The abdominal ultrasound took about 15 minutes and I don't think he paused for breath, much less shut his yap, the whole time.
Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
February 10, 2018, 07:05 PM
sigcrazy7I'd go the other way. I'd probably ban the act of banning things. In fact, if it's something that is a bit self-destructive, it will definitely be legal. There won't be a nanny state in my empire.
However, you screw yourself up doing stupid stuff, you're on your own. You don't get to jump off of mountains in a body suit and expect society to pick up the pieces.
That's my perfect empire.
Demand not that events should happen as you wish; but wish them to happen as they do happen, and you will go on well. -Epictetus February 10, 2018, 07:22 PM
synthplayerquote:
Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
If a fast food place gets your order wrong, they owe you your money back plus 300% and an apology from a manager.
When I first read this, I thought you were headed to talking about folks like these:
I found what you said riveting.
February 10, 2018, 08:08 PM
AeteoclesAll public restroom doors will swing outward without manual manipulation of a door latch or handle, or will have a paper towel dispenser and trash can within reach of the door.
February 10, 2018, 08:31 PM
justjoeDentists and hygienists who chat and ask you a question when your mouth is full of their fingers and surgical steel instruments. Punishment: Their eye teeth, no novocaine.
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"You get much farther with a kind word and a gun than with a kind word alone."
February 10, 2018, 09:20 PM
houndawgquote:
Originally posted by rtquig:
quote:
Originally posted by sigfreund:
quote:
Originally posted by YooperSigs:
Arguing with the grocery cashier over the expiration date and or value of a coupon while 110 people wait in line behind you.
Banishment from the grocery. Forever!
The same punishment for standing in line for five minutes at a grocery store, then waiting until the cashier has rung up everything (including any coupons) before realizing that they will have to be paid for and
then starting to look for one’s credit cards or cash. Flogging will be added if it’s necessary to rummage through one’s wallet or purse and inspect six different cards before deciding which one has room to add $10.90 in purchases before being maxed out.
Flogging is also the punishment for standing in line for five minutes or more at a fast food restaurant and waiting until the cashier asks, “May I help you?” before looking at the huge menu posted above and then trying to decide what they’ll order. Twice as many lashes if they’re accompanied by a small child and must then ask, “What do you want, Snookums?” and also have to get into an explanation of why their particular promotional toy is no longer available and what might be an acceptable substitute.
What is even worse than looking for their credit card is when all is done the pull out a check book to pay.
And then they fully fill in the register and balance it before writing the check.