Black. I just went through in-home Hospice with my Mother in Law in the Central Florida area. The in-home hospice care was good/excellent; we were told that their goal was to make the end stage as comfortable for the loved one as possible; with that they succeeded. There are many levels of service up to and including 24 hour care at the end. My wife decided that was too much of an imposition on her mother and took care of her to the very end (6 days ago). If Hospice is the chosen option, move forward as they made the last two months of her life more tolerable. They provided equipment and skilled nursing visits along with concern towards the living. I was particularly pleased that they sent a pastor the day before she passed.

In short, I would not hesitate to do the same thing over; if she were in a facility of some sort she would have died long before.

My condolences to you and your family however in cases such as ours the passing was a true blessing, no more pain and she is now with her beloved husband.

I am sorry to hear of the family health issues. It is never easy. My experience with home hospice with both my parents and with a close friend has led me to believe they are angels here on earth. The comfort of spending final days at home surrounded with loved ones is worth a lot. Home hospice staff know what to do. The support they give to the family as well as to the patient is uplifting, and can take a huge burden off everyone involved.

I'm sorry to learn about your situation, but I've got to add my 2 cents to what others have said about hospice. As a cop, the jurisdiction that employed me required all reported deaths to be investigated by officers (even if they were attended by medical care providers) to confirm that there were no suspicious circumstances. When hospice was involved, we still got the call and went to the locations, with a supervisor. As an officer, homicide investigator, and field supervisor, I dealt with literally dozens of hospice deaths and in virtually every case the family members were incredibly grateful for the level of care and caring these workers provided. My mom is nearing 90 years old and still in pretty good shape, but if she or any other family member I'm responsible for needs to go into hospice, I'm confident that he/she will receive the best of care by people that do care about their patients. Maybe there's a "bad seed" somewhere doing this job, but I sure haven't heard of one.

It's a very challenging position for anyone to take, considering your charge will be lost eventually, but every worker I've dealt with was doing this job because they had a truly fine heart and wanted to do the best for those in their final days. IMHO, home hospice providers are angels.

I'm so sorry to hear this news, especially during the holiday season. Prayers sent.

Jeremy, I will keep your family in my prayers.

My mom spent decades as a home hospice nurse and can tell you that you will only get the most caring people in the world if you choose that route. I wish you and your family peace and closure.

Sorry to hear that. Hardest part of life is losing losing loved ones. Sounds like he’s hard quite a long life though. Prayers offered.

Black, sorry to inject my personal crap going on into your post. I was able to see my grandma (not technically, but she's been married to my grandfather for 30+ years). I was very happy to have the chance, hopefully it's not my last. She's and my grandfather has been happy with the people they've sent. She can feed and bath herself, so they don't come daily. I'd 100% recommend it.

Back to me, sorry I need to vent a bit. I'm so mad that this is happening now. No Hanukkah celebration for the first time I've been on this planet, I guess 2019 will be the last, or the last 'normal' one. We won't get to have a proper funeral. Last my grandfather who's time is also limited will be left to man the household by himself at 86, I can't imagine once he's by himself that he'll have the same drive he has now, and like most elderly couples he'll follow her sooner rather than later.

I hate 2020 more than any other year of my life.

Lost my Mother to pancreatic cancer a few years ago. We were greatly assisted by two Hospice home care angels. We got to hold mom as she took her last breath, don’t know if we would have had that chance in the Hospice Home.

I can only add that I am sorry about this for the OP. And for other folks contributing to the thread who have experienced similar situations.

My Father-in-Law passed away two days ago at age 97. He had lived independently until recently, when he experienced a rapid decline and the cascading effects of multiple systems shutting down. The assisted living section of his old folks home took him on board for 24/7 care and became a de facto hospice as he faded away over a couple of weeks. They did a very good job of taking care of him and keeping the family in the loop. Hospice care in the home can be very good too.

The whole experience is tough but with hospice or hospice-like care is so much better than the neglect that some old folks are made to suffer when they are alone.

We had the big family sit down over the weekend. Had the 5 and a half hour in home meeting with the Hospice care coordinator.
We have decided in home hospice care at their place in Florida is going to be best.
The particular hospice non profit in Ohio does not operate on the gulf coast in Florida just in Jacksonville so they are working to locate a Hospice group to work with in Sarasota.
Lots of tough discussion but I think we have a pretty solid plan not only for my grandfather but my grandmother as well so she does not get worn down in the process.

When we took my grandfathers license a number of years ago I got his 2000 Silverado as I do most of the upkeep on the property where my grandfather grew up.
Gramps has had a truck since he first bought a used Model T with no brakes in the 40s so he could help clear trees for what is now Lake Cumberland. He gave $50 and a bicycle for it.
So trucks have always been a part of his life. I wanted him to see his truck again and in great shape.
I got a Bedliner sprayed in to replace the plastic drop in liner and had the truck fully detailed. From 10 feet away the truck absolutely looked like it had just rolled off the showroom floor. I parked it across the driveway for him to see when I got up there. I told him to walk to the front door as I wanted him to see his truck.
He slowly made his way to the door with his walker. His eyes lit up and he looked at me and said “well who went and put new paint on it”
I could not have asked for a better reaction.

The last two times before this I saw gramps he was unable (maybe unwilling is more like it) to get out of bed and he seemed in really bad shape.
He got new in home help from the VA and she does not let him lay in bed. She makes him get up, get dressed, eat at the table. Being made to get up and move he has much better days.
Now most days he gets himself out of bed and to the breakfast table then to his recliner. Where he spends most of the day but I think it beats the bed.

Hopefully the trip to Florida is not too hard on him but I really do think overall he’ll be better down there. Though I know he probably won’t ever be coming back home.
Slow steps but the hospice folks seem like angels almost and I feel he will be in great hands until it is time for him to be called home.

Sorry for what you're having to go through. Don't be surprised if your grandma dies of a broken heart. My thoughts are with you.

He's 91... and with dementia. He's lived a full life. With all respect, I think it's time to mentally and emotionally prepare to let go.

My dad had Alzheimer's for years. While taking care of him, it gave me time to prepare for the inevitable.

After my older sister died in 2017, from time to time, I would recite to my wife the people who have died. My dad, her mom, and so on and so forth. And sometimes, I would say out loud the inference - either of us could be called up any second.

I have a google sheet that tracks how many days I have according to actuary tables and it's automatically updated given the current date and the age I attained.

When I had a period when the doctor thought I had lung cancer, when people heard what I was going through and they would offer their prayers, I declined and said I'd rather get an outline of their eulogy for me that I can review and edit.

I've come to look at death as a positive thing. It's a way out of life. Life can suck some times and it gets worse when you're old and decrepit.

The bad thing is obviously for those who will be left behind, of course.

I know; I'm the life of the party.

Wonderful story about the truck. Thanks for sharing.

quote:

He's 91... and with dementia. He's lived a full life. With all respect, I think it's time to mentally and emotionally prepare to let go.

I am there. Not easy but I am there.

I'll keep you in my prayers. And thank you for sharing the story about his truck. It gives us all hope for a smile in the middle of a struggle.

Very sorry to hear of your grandfather's situation. May God give you the wisdom and strength to cope with the condition, and help for your grandfather.

flashguy

Black there’s not much any of us can say to ease the burden you’re going through but you and your family are in my prayers. The story of you having his truck detailed brought a tear to my eyes...

Sorry to hear. I lost my grandparents 10 years ago and it still stings. Like you they were like parents to me.

Prayers for all involved.

Sorry to hear about this black. This experience in life truly sucks, there’s no getting around it. Will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.