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Charmingly unsophisticated |
Maybe I was just stupid or my subconscious didn’t want to accept it. Was told in October that she was having issues getting a good night’s sleep. But over the course of the past two months, she’s declined noticeably. Took her to the hospital to get looked at (a visiting friend of hers thought she’d had a stroke....two CT scans say otherwise) and about 2 hours ago a neurologist said she has dementia and would need someone to be with her constantly. So I’ve pulled myself together and I’m trying to figure out what I need to do first. She hasn’t been discharged yet. I assume tomorrow the social services woman will call. Just trying to figure out what I need to be doing. _______________________________ The artist formerly known as AllenInWV | ||
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| Author, cowboy, friend to all |
I cannot know all the variables involved, but do remember one big lesson working with my dad, never ever let one untrue statement pass to him, no matter how insignificant, correct it immediately this is especially true if she has over $10.00 in the bank. Good Luck | |||
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| Go ahead punk, make my day |
Sorry to hear this - my good friend's mom just passed and had dementia for the last couple years - long term care / assistance is required IMO. Both for the person with the disease and your own sanity. | |||
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A Grateful American |
I have no experience with this, but you have my thoughts and prayers for you and your mother. "the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! | |||
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Joie de vivre |
Allen, First, I'm sorry to hear about your mom, but there are some very good meds on the market that can make a world of difference. My wife had dementia for 15 years and the meds helped a great deal. Just be tolerant of her repeating her self and forgetting much of the near term events. It is indeed sad to see the decline of someone close to us but remember we have to take care of ourselves as well. Care givers often stress out over the decline of a loved one and that does her no good. Join a support group, it helped me a great deal. Good luck my friend.... | |||
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Membership has its privileges |
Going through a very similar situation right now with my Mother. I have no words of wisdom, but please know I will keep you both in my prayers. Niech Zyje P-220 Steve | |||
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Oriental Redneck |
Too little info in the OP to say much. And, I'm not saying the neurologist is wrong, but get a second opinion. Dementia is a huge deal. Too many things can mimic it (infections, drugs/meds, alcohol, electrolyte abnormalities, just to name a few). Many are reversible. Some are not. Do not accept it without questions. And get that second opinion. After she gets discharged, make a follow up appointment with the PCP for referral to another neurologist. Q | |||
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Member |
Sorry to hear. There are some rally good books on how to live and care for someone with dementia: - The 36 Hour Day - Creating Moments of Joy Along the Alzheimer’s Journey - Lesrning to Speak Alzheimer’s My mom suffers from Alz and vascular dementia. She’s in a nursing home, private pay, and receives very good care. Get good medical care... be sure she’s being treated for all/all co-occurring conditions. My mom, for example, suffers from depression as well as everything else. Getting the depression treated with the right meds has made a big difference. Be sure you have a specific dementia diagnosis... there are several different kinds, each treated slightly differently, with different issues/profiles. Consult an attorney with specific experience in elder law. Get health care proxy and power of attorney done for your mom ASAP. Enjoy every minute you can. Just go with it. Just be there and love her. Help her find joy where she can. Be patient and kind. It sucks. I’m sorry. | |||
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Only the strong survive |
Sorry to hear of the OP's problem. One of the causes can be high homocysteine levels which can lead to clogged arteries. etc. I get a blood test every year and normally take one B-50 but as I get older, I now take one in the morning and one in the evening to keep it low. Homocysteine will etch your arteries and then plaque will form to repair it which then leads to clogged arteries. Your arteries are smaller going to the brain so your CPU has trouble processing information. This article will explain the process further: http://www.lifeextension.com/M...and-Dementia/Page-01 41 | |||
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Member |
I’m not smart enough to answer this question, so I’ll defer it to my wife who was the administrator of a dementia unit at a long term care facility: First and foremost, as some other posters have said, get more information. In fact, get as much information as possible. Try to work with a gero-neurologist who specializes in working with the elderly and dementias. Try to have them narrow down the type of dementia she may have (Alzheimer’s vs Lewy Bodies vs other types) as they all have different symptomology and will present with different challenges and options for treatment along the way. This is truly a “knowledge is power” situation...most people have no clue about dealing with dementia until they have to, and winging it will not be an option down the road. Next is to ensure your mother’s safety at all times. I don’t know why the doc told you to never leave her alone, but it sounds a little aggressive for an initial diagnosis. You know her best though, and should assess whether she’s at risk for wandering, or could potentially get into something in the house if left unattended. Things like chemicals, gas stoves, and other kitchen appliances are usually the biggest issues. If she is unable to manage simple daily tasks, then it’s up to you to ensure she has a caregiver to help. It can be you, or a family member, but there also lots of organizations out there can provide home healthcare to give you a break throughout the week, so consider that option as well. If she has any kind of long term care insurance or is eligible for surviving spouse veterans benefits, that can help with the cost. Lastly, try your hardest to do right by her. And in that I mean be able to recognize if/when there comes a time where caring for her at home is no longer working. Don’t feel guilty about “putting her in a home” but rather try to see it as doing what is safest for her at that time. Caregiver burnout is a very real thing and can impact the lives of those around the person with dementia in very dramatic ways, which is a recipe for disaster for all involved. It’s a very hard decision to make, but try to know your (and her) limits. One thing I always tell people I love about my job is getting to be a part of a persons journey and just meeting them where they are everyday. Try to remember that she may be living a different reality than you at times but you can go along for the ride. I’m not advocating for lying to her by any means, just that it will cause both of you more stress if you try to force a reality on her that she doesn’t understand. Saying “you told me that three times already!” isnt helpful...instead “oh really, that’s nice” as many times as needed can facilitate a much more pleasant interaction. Remember that even is she doesn’t know what day or time it is, or even who you are at times, she will always recognize kindness and love. | |||
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| Member |
Definitely get a second opinion as Q suggested. You don't want to be wrong about this. This brings back to many memories so I won't say anymore. You have my most positive thoughts right now. I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not. | |||
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Member |
My MIL has dementia they give her B12 shots and arocet for Alzheimer’s and that has slowed down her progression quite a bit. Also she has chronic bladder infections that made her very manic not sleeping for days, and constant talking. Like said above have a full set of blood work, and scans done. ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ | |||
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| Eye on the Silver Lining |
JJexp, your post brought tears to my eyes. AlleninWV, you're in my thoughts. __________________________ "Trust, but verify." | |||
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Alienator |
I'm so sorry to hear this. My parents are sharing my Grandpa with my Aunt. He has dementia and barely recognizes me anymore. He doesn't remember my wife either. Fresh foods are good for the brain and fruit. Give her books to read and memory games or puzzles. It helps keep them sharper. I would suggest getting life alert or some sort of GPS tracking. It can be really dangerous because they will wonder off and forget where they are going and get lost really easily. SIG556 Classic P220 Carry SAS Gen 2 SAO SP2022 9mm German Triple Serial P938 SAS P365 FDE Psalm 118:24 "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it" | |||
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| In the yahd, not too fah from the cah  |
Does she still have a normal frame of mind and is just forgetful at times, or is she gone from normal reality? I'm no expert in this field, so take my thoughts for what they're worth, but this is what I've experienced: We just went through this/are going through this (And by we, I mean mainly my mother and my aunt) with my grandfather and grandmother. My grandfather had most of his memory for people and surroundings, but would repeat himself pretty frequently. My grandmother on the other hand sees stuff that isn't there and has severe mood swings. She remembers certain people and events when prompted, but most of the time she just isn't there. If there is one thing I've learned through this, it is to always have affairs in order in case something like this ever happens. My grandfather, who was a career military officer and could do almost anything with his own two hands thought he could live forever. Or at the very least he thought he would be 100% both mentally and physically up until the day he died. Unfortunately this lead to certain things not being transferred or explained to my aunt who is the POA before he got bad with dementia. Including locations of important paperwork and information on bank accounts in order to pay bills and provide for them as they were/are still living in their original home. My advise would be, if she still has the mental capacity to do so, to get as much information from her on important paperwork, become her POA, and grant access to bank accounts. Unfortunately every time my mother and or aunt would have to bring my grandfather to the bank in order to withdraw funds to either buy food or do home repairs, the bank treated them like they were trying to drain my grandfather for all he was worth. Also one last piece, if you can get a live in caretaker or place her somewhere if she completely loses memory, please do so. As mentioned in an earlier post, caretaker fatigue is real and I've seen it in both my mother and my aunt. Both of them switch off taking care of my grandmother and it has burned them out beyond belief. I wouldn't wish that stress on anyone. | |||
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SIG's 'n Surefires |
Understand you will need patience. Lots of it. And the realization that the next 7-8 years will be the hardest you've ever known. Been there, done that. You have my prayers. "Common sense is wisdom with its sleeves rolled up." -Kyle Farnsworth "Freedom of Speech does not guarantee freedom from consequences." -Mike Rowe "Democracies aren't overthrown, they're given away." -George Lucas | |||
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| Experienced Slacker |
[QUOTE]Originally posted by ryan81986: thought he could live forever. Or at the very least he thought he would be 100% both mentally and physically up until the day he died. Unfortunately this lead to certain things not being transferred or explained to my aunt who is the POA before he got bad with dementia. Including locations of important paperwork and information on bank accounts in order to pay bills and provide for them as they were/are still living in their original home. My advise would be, if she still has the mental capacity to do so, to get as much information from her on important paperwork, become her POA, and grant access to bank accounts. Unfortunately every time my mother and or aunt would have to bring my grandfather to the bank in order to withdraw funds to either buy food or do home repairs, the bank treated them like they were trying to drain my grandfather for all he was worth. Also one last piece, if you can get a live in caretaker or place her somewhere if she completely loses memory, please do so. As mentioned in an earlier post, caretaker fatigue is real and I've seen it in both my mother and my aunt. Both of them switch off taking care of my grandmother and it has burned them out beyond belief. I wouldn't wish that stress on anyone./QUOTE] That was worth repeating in bold letters from my experience with my Dad. It isn't done out of selfishness, it is because someone will still have to do all the tedious financial crap for them, and it is a bigger part of life than we think until times like this. | |||
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| Do---or do not. There is no try. |
Aricept and Namenda are widely prescribed dementia meds that help slow the progress of this insidious disease. I highly recommend that you read up on them so you'll have as much information on the pharmaceutical treatments as possible. As a number of people on this Forum are aware, my Dad developed dementia that started around 2008 with mild memory issues and was no longer able to make decisions for himself by 2014 (he passed away this past March). It's vitally important that you find every legal and financial document you can and get a qualified attorney to help you craft power of attorney documents to preserve your Mom's finances and make important decisions for her. Since I've been there/done that, feel free to contact me if you need help putting together a checklist. My e-mail's in my profile. | |||
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| Old, Slow, but Lucky!  |
You have received very good information here, and I add my condolences, as I am presently the main family caregiver for my former wife, who has developed Parkinson's Disease with a dementia component. It is a heartbreaking thing to watch happen. Please pay special attention to those who have recommended obtaining all the necessary account numbers, locations of any pertinent documents such as Checkbook, Last Will and Testament, Living Will, Do Not Resuscitate Orders, etc! Unfortunately, as the dementia progresses, the patient often becomes paranoid to varying degrees, and may/will begin hiding things and moving them from their previously known location! In my experience, a couple of the most critical things to get done NOW is obtaining necessary authorization/access to your loved one's Banking Information. Make sure the authorization includes authority to sign checks, withdraw funds, make deposits, etc. Also make sure you have a spare key to any Safety Deposit Box, along with the necessary signature cards and authority to access the box with or without the main signatory! Lacking that authority will cause you serious problems down the road if you do not have it already in place, and may require the expertise/expense of an attorney and Court to rectify... Do it NOW! Finally, and perhaps most important of all: Make sure to get a full Medical Power of Attorney! Because of HIPAA laws and the resulting fear of a violation of the law and possible resulting lawsuit and or fines, you will find yourself stymied in your attempts to act as spokesperson/advocate for your loved one if you do not have the MPOA on file with the various medical practitioners, groups, pharmacy, etc. Have the completed MPOA scanned into the various organization's electronic medical records sites... Even after you have provided the above MPOA to all the Doctor's offices, etc, you will still run into people who demand to see the original, signed document. I always have one with me whenever we go to any medical appointment, and it has saved many arguments from getting past the initial statement, "I can't do that because of the HIPAA... blah, blah..." My e-mail is also in my profile, and I will be happy to try to help you in any way I can. God Bless you in your journey~ Don _______________________ Living the Dream... One Day at a Time. | |||
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There is a world elsewhere |
Get a more specific diagnosis with a geriatrician and try to get an occupational therapist evaluation as well. This will help identify what can she still do e.g. Can she still walk, bathe, toilet, dress herself? Don't let them discharge her until you meet with a social worker and they can help determine whether she can stay in her own home or needs a long-term care facility; Does she need home health aide service, etc. Consult a lawyer, not just for POA, but also for navigating the different laws about insurance, medicare, social security, living wills, care directives, etc. Long-term care is expensive. Take care of yourself, too. This can be very exhausting, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. Oh and if you still work, talk to HR about FMLA paperwork. You will need to devote more time for her medical care as a caregiver. A well balanced breakfast being necessary to the start of a healthy day, the right of the people to keep and eat food shall not be infringed. | |||
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