A lion was walking thru the jungle when another lion ran up to him and proceeded to lick his asshole. WTF do think you're doing asked the lion. The other lion apologized and said I just ate a lawyer and l had to get the taste out of my mouth. !!

quote:

Originally posted by SIGnified:...

I spent a whole career (almost) in professional services.

You were a hooker?

quote:

Originally posted by sigmonkey:

quote:

Originally posted by SIGnified:...

I spent a whole career (almost) in professional services.

You were a hooker?

Yup; working girl. High class ho’ ho’ ho’ on expense account lol


Answer was always “yes “. Only took two things; my time and your money

Jury selection...

Lawyer:
Do you feel like you can fairly judge my client on the facts presented here today considering I represented your ex-wife when she divorced you?

Man:
No sir, I figure you done me a favor!

The entire court room of probably 200 people including the Judge burst out in laughter!

Lawyer:
Thats the answer I was looking for!

Sorry NOT a joke. Actual exchange between me and a Lawyer in the mid 80s...
he didn't object to me serving and I was seated on the jury.

The joke was on his client... accused of arson.
Deliberations went past midnight... we were about to let him off due to sloppy police work
and almost a total lack of evidence against him when he accepted a plea bargain with the prosecutor and pleaded guilty!

Fun fact!
Jury duty paid 7 bucks a day. Right before we were dismissed I ask the judge if we could get paid for a second day since we went past midnight. He agreed to it. Woo-Hoo $14 bucks for 17 hours straight work. 9AM till 2AM next day. Correct that, 16 hours work, we got an hour for lunch but we had to pay for it ourselves.

I hate lawyers, that's why I'm an attorney.

quote:

Originally posted by SIGnified:

quote:

Originally posted by sigmonkey:

quote:

Originally posted by SIGnified:...
)

You were a hooker?

Yup; working girl. High class ho’ ho’ ho’ on expense account lol

Hooker, you say???

A attorney is sitting at a bar when a very attractive expensive hooker sits down by him. They have small talk and flirting while downing drinks.

After a while, the attorney asks the hooker "What do you do for a living?"

She replies "I screw people for a living".

Attorney exlaims "Really? Me too! I'm a lawyer too! What's your specialty?"
.

lol

If I was there, it wasn’t for pleasure.

Does this classify as a lawyer joke?

Hunter Biden touted his family name and political connections to pursue a major gig as a law professor at the University of California Los Angeles.

A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone. He walks up to her and says, “Hi there, how’s it going tonight?”

She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, “I’ll screw anybody any time, anywhere, any place, it doesn’t matter to me.”

The guy raises his eyebrows and says, “No kidding? What law firm do you work for?”

What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller.