The opposite of “pro” is “con,” so the opposite of progress is … Congress.
Q: How many congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two—one to change the bulb and one to change it back again.
The secret to making Congress more efficient is to replace all the people with horses. Sure, every vote would end in “neighs,” but hay, at least the housing market would be stable.
Q: What’s the difference between death and taxes?
A: Congress doesn’t meet every year to make death worse.
Republicans and Democrats came together in Congress to allow medicinal marijuana for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. So, there is joint support for joints for joint support.
Man: Two years ago, my brother ran for Congress.
Friend: What does he do now?
Man: Nothing—he got elected!
A robber held up a well-dressed man, pointing his gun and yelling, “Give me all your money!” The man replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m a U.S. congressman!” The robber retorted, “In that case, give me all my money!”
Q: Why can’t Congress ever be vegan?
A: Because all the turkeys playing chicken in a beef over pork is pretty fishy.
Q: What did the corrupt congressman order on Election Day?
A: Stuffed ballots.
Q: What do you call a bad lawyer?
A: Senator.

They say Glock owners brag about reliability.
Sig owners don’t need to—they just group together quietly at 25 yards.

Glock: Made for mass production.
Sig P229: Built like a Swiss watch with a bad attitude.

Glock: The rental car of handguns.
Sig: The one you finance, insure, and park in a climate-controlled safe.

Glock: Looks great in your trunk.
Sig P229: Looks great in your Will.

Glock: You replace it when it wears out.
Sig P229: Your Grandson's grouping is legendary!

All true!