When I was an engineer: "Work progress is directly proportional to the amount of equipment destroyed".

quote:

Originally posted by XLT:
construction business, " we are not building a piano"

One of my favorites, used regularly.

Field power systems engineer,

Never start a project on Friday afternoon.

quote:

Originally posted by oddball:
Computer tech solutions/support:

Your lack of planning is not my emergency.

As a CPO, that one lived on my desk, slightly reworded:

"Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

Nearby was a corollary: Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

quote:

"Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

I've used that when people want work done on their car but they've got a doctor's appointment in an hour, are leaving on vacation that evening, etc.

This one (h/t to jimmy123x) can apply to a lot of situations: "If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys."

First rule of physiology:

All bleeding eventually stops.

Electronics: All electronic devices run on smoke. If the smoke gets out, it stops working.

Anesthesia....95% boredom and 5% sheer terror......

Procurement, Purchasing and Contracts 80/20 rule: “80% of your manpower and efforts will be expended to spend 20% of the money!”

(If ‘practicable’ focus on setting up blanket contracts for for the 20% [Which tend to be low value items]so end users can order without your involvement. This frees up the staff to focus on savings on big money items.)

Bottom line is try not to let your staff get tied up purchasing low value items (rope, soap and dope) such as consumables or office supples that can be put on large blanket contracts.

Damned if you do, damned if you dont.

horticulture:
Green side up

appliance delivery:
if you push it hard enough and fast enough , it almost always fits

customer service:
kill'em with kindness

retail sales:
Never keep them waiting and always leave them wanting more

From social security disability. There are pinched nerves, there are inflamed nerves. There is no such thing as "bad nerves." If you mean you have an anxiety disorder, you need to say that.

Nursing/Emergency Medicine:
•Don't get excited about blood loss ... unless it's yours
•Don't lose your cool
•Do what's right
•Uncommon manifestations of common diseases are more common than are uncommon diseases
•We've got to find those "two dudes" and stop them
•To be right is only half the battle; to convince the patient is more difficult
•Everybody has to die sometime
•In medicine, always remember never to say always and never

Then there are the LAWS OF THE HOUSE OF GOD
I. GOMERS DON’T DIE.
II. GOMERS GO TO GROUND.
III. AT A CARDIAC ARREST, THE FIRST PROCEDURE IS TO TAKE YOUR OWN PULSE.
IV. THE PATIENT IS THE ONE WITH THE DISEASE.
V. PLACEMENT COMES FIRST.
VI. THERE IS NO BODY CAVITY THAT CANNOT BE REACHED WITH A #14 NEEDLE AND A GOOD STRONG ARM.
VII. AGE + BUN = LASIX DOSE.
VIII. THEY CAN ALWAYS HURT YOU MORE.
IX. THE ONLY GOOD ADMISSION IS A DEAD ADMISSION.
X. IF YOU DON’T TAKE A TEMPERATURE, YOU CAN’T FIND A FEVER.
XI. SHOW ME A BMS* WHO ONLY TRIPLES MY WORK AND I WILL KISS HIS FEET. * Medical Student from the "Best Medical School."
XII. IF THE RADIOLOGY RESIDENT AND THE BMS* BOTH SEE A LESION ON THE CHEST X-RAY, THERE CAN BE NO LESION THERE. * Medical Student from the "Best Medical School."
XIII. THE DELIVERY OF MEDICAL CARE IS TO DO AS MUCH NOTHING AS POSSIBLE.

quote:

Originally posted by maxdog:
Procurement, Purchasing and Contracts 80/20 rule: “80% of your manpower and efforts will be expended to spend 20% of the money!”. . .

I heard the 80/20 rule applied differently.

20% of your employees will accomplish 80% of your work. Also, 20% of your employees will cause 80% of your personnel problems.

IT;
What people don’t understand, they think must be easy to do.

A documented bug is a feature

Ranching:
Bulls have one of three things on their mind at any given time. They all begin with “F” :Feeding, Fighting, F......

Cattle are the most trouble when it is the most uncomfortable to be out there with them.

Advice from an old Rancher, applies to lots of things in life:
Don’t sell the last crazy cow. The ones left will elect a new crazy cow. She will be a new and different kind of crazy. Stay with the crazy you know.

quote:

Originally posted by bendable:. . . .retail sales:
Never keep them waiting and always leave them wanting more

Gov't research contracting. The first goal of the final report is to set the stage for a follow-on contract.

Don't ask the Barber if you need a haircut.

From my days as a party chief on a surveying crew.
When the engineering side wanted a lot of topo shots in a day," ...it ain't a Swiss Bridge, get it done."

From air traffic control:
"It's a big sky."

Life advice:
If it flies, floats, or fornicates - rent it.

quote:

Originally posted by sigfreund:
From law enforcement:
“Some people will lie when the truth would sound better.”

Huh. I always thought that was my mother.

From cowboying.
Ride for the brand.

There’s a lot more to ridin’ than sittin’ on a saddle and lettin’ your feet hang down.

and I think this one is mine:
If your horse doesn’t want to go there; neither do you.