***SATIRE***

NEW YORK, NY—In an inspiring story from the world of professional cycling, a motorcyclist who identifies as a bicyclist has crushed all the regular bicyclists, setting an unbelievable world record.

In a local qualifying race for the World Road Cycling League, the motorcyclist crushed the previous 100-mile record of 3 hours, 13 minutes with his amazing new score of well under an hour.

Professional motorcycle racer Judd E. Banner, the brave trans-vehicle rider, was allowed to race after he told league organizers he's always felt like a bicyclist in a motorcyclist's body.

"Look, my ride has handlebars, two wheels, and a seat," he told reporters as he accepted a trophy for his incredible time trial. "Just because I've got a little extra hardware, such as an 1170-cc flat-twin engine with 110 horsepower, doesn't mean I have any kind of inherent advantage here."

Banner also said he painted the word "HUFFY" on the side of his bike, ensuring he has no advantage over the bikes that came out of the factory as bicycles.

Some critics say he needs to cut off his motor in order to make the competition fairer, but he quickly called these people bigots, and they were immediately banned from professional cycle racing.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/mo...world-cycling-record

Insert purple where necessary...

This message has been edited. Last edited by: parabellum,

Where I live we have a lot of bike lanes. Car traffic is also getting worse. So, we've got motorized 2 wheel things of all sizes in the bike lanes these days. Full on motorcycles use the bike lanes in heavy traffic.

I've been pissed about this, but now, I have a new level of understanding. I feel woke.

thanks for clearing this up for me.

I’d like to know what those assholes who use turn lanes to bypass traffic identify as.

I believe it's been requested that when linking sites like The Babylonbee and The Onion, that we include the notice of "Satire" in the subject title as some of their work can be hard to differentiate from today's reality.

E-bikes, electric bicycles, around here identify as pedestrians. 30mph on the sidewalks, don't slow down at cross walks, going against traffic in the bicycle lane, etc.

I was pretty certain this was satire from the title, but I wasn't 100% sure.

I moss the '80s, when we had a lot more common sense. . .

quote:

Originally posted by Orguss:
I’d like to know what those assholes who use turn lanes to bypass traffic identify as.

Bicycles, duh. Having the proper hardware is no longer a requirement, it's all about the how you feel!

The Babylon Bee is a pretty good satire site. Kind of like the "Jib Jab" of online media. Along with the article on the bicyclist, they have an article titled Cash-Strapped CNN Now Just Recycling Old Articles But Replacing 'Russian Collusion' With 'Ukrainian Scandal'. LOL!

quote:

Originally posted by Orguss:
I’d like to know what those assholes who use turn lanes to bypass traffic identify as.

They self identify as Superior.

Was the Babylon Bee link at the bottom of the OP not a giveaway?

quote:

by Hound Dog: I was pretty certain this was satire from the title, but I wasn't 100% sure.

That's what makes it so clever.

I probably should have linked my source from the get go. Assuming it still stands.

quote:

Originally posted by parabellum:
Guys, we need to mark satire as satire when we post it, please.

At the head of your post should appear 'satire' or 'from a satirical site'

If you search the forum for Babylon Bee, there are several instances of people taking it seriously.
Heck, even the fools at Snopes did a fact check on one of their "news articles".
Good stuff.

Future Headline:

GENDER FLUID Motorcyclist that identifies as a bicyclist wins men's cycling one week and women's the following week, setting world records in each event entered.

God Bless