Guy is stocking produce when a man comes up to him and asks for a half a head of lettuce. He says: "Let me talk to the manager" He goes in back and tells the manager: "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce" Then he sees the customer has followed him to the back so he says: "And this fine gentleman would like to buy the other half.

The customer is impressed with his quick thinking and says he'd like to have him manage his grocery store in Minnesota. He says: "Minnesota, all there is there is whores and hockey players" The customer says: "My wife is from Minnesota"

"What position does she play?"

Old jokes but still funny.

A guy dies and goes to heaven. Once there he sees there are two lines of men. One is longer than you can possible imagine. The sign over this line said "stand here if you were henpecked by your wife"
The guy is standing in the other, shorter line which has a sign over it saying "Stand here if you weren't henpecked by your wife". A guy asks him why he's standing there. He replies, "I don't know my wife told me stand here."

Oldies but goodies