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Guy from my wife's past tracked her down - UPDATE pg. 5
November 09, 2019, 11:24 AM
sjtillGuy from my wife's past tracked her down - UPDATE pg. 5
In the days of Facebook, every married person is only a search and a click away from finding an old flame. Would you look one up? Would you respond if one contacted you? You know it’s a bad choice, in the vast majority of cases.
Since it’s so easy to find someone, I don’t think one should assume the worst, and it’s clear your wife is the one who’s disturbed by the contact, so that’s the most important thing.
I can’t argue with what you’ve done, Outnumbered. Mostly just pointing out how tempting it is to click our way to a possible unwanted and unnecessary problem.
_________________________
“ What all the wise men promised has not happened, and what all the damned fools said would happen has come to pass.”— Lord Melbourne
November 09, 2019, 11:38 AM
hbableroutnumbered,
I would side with the ignore group. I would also strongly suggest that you read this book: The Gift of Fear by Gavin Debecker. He details how to tell if a stalker is dangerous and how most of the time it is best to not engage. It’s an easy read and it will help your protect your family.
Stay safe.
November 09, 2019, 11:47 AM
nasigquote:
Originally posted by Keystoner:
Give him the benefit of the doubt. Your wife can have a normal conversation with him. A lot of maturity can happen after 15 years.
definitely no. ignore and block
November 09, 2019, 11:48 AM
ridgeratRespond with 'Nope. Wrong number.'
Then block their number.
Endowment Life Member, NRA • Member of FPC, GOA, 2AF & Arizona Citizens Defense League November 09, 2019, 11:58 AM
YooperSigsCreepy? Yep. Stalker? Not unless it becomes more persistent. I might let it slide, so far. But, you need to do your own due diligence here. Research him to see what he has been into since college. Dope? Criminal record? Multiple jobs? Divorces? Alcohol? This research will give you some insight as to what his intent may be.
End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
November 09, 2019, 12:05 PM
12131quote:
Originally posted by YooperSigs:
Creepy? Yep. Stalker? Not unless it becomes more persistent. I might let it slide, so far. But, you need to do your own due diligence here. Research him to see what he has been into since college. Dope? Criminal record? Multiple jobs? Divorces? Alcohol? This research will give you some insight as to what his intent may be.
Not stalker? Read again.
quote:
She married someone else right after college, and this guy looked her up then, called her to ask if she was happy, and seemed to go away. She obviously ended up divorcing her first husband (serial cheater), and a couple years later this guy looked her up again and tried inviting himself into her life. She declined again - she still wasn't into him, she was starting to feel a little weirded out, and he was married. He may have already been married the first time he called her, also.
She hasn't heard from him since (15 years +/-), but received a text from a number she doesn't know this morning, asking if it was her (by maiden name). We looked up the number, and when she saw the name, she said "oh my gosh this guy is some kind of stalker", then explained everything to me.
Q
November 09, 2019, 12:15 PM
Ozarkwoodsquote:
Originally posted by RHINOWSO:
Ignore it and block the number.
ETA -
quote:
I'm not sure if this is a normal pattern of behavior for some people
It's not normal behavior to stalk someone you went out with a handful of time 20+ years ago.
If I really think, I can recall a couple of girls I dated in my early 20s, but I can't remember their names nor would I ever feel the need to track them down or communicate with them.
Absolutely do not text back..note the number and block it. He has shown in the past that he had tried to mettle into her past marriage. By asking are you happy. If he can get your current address be alert. He is a stalker and should be treated as such.
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
November 09, 2019, 12:33 PM
YooperSigsI read the whole post. I am referring to what may meet the legal standard of stalking in their locality. Most laws will state what actions will legally constitute a stalking charge. Once every 15 years may not meet the standard.
End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
November 09, 2019, 12:52 PM
MikeinNCI wouldn’t respond, but I’d keep the number on my phone so if it goes any further I’d be able to present it to the cops.
"Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor.” Robert A. Heinlein
“You may beat me, but you will never win.” sigmonkey-2020
“A single round of buckshot to the torso almost always results in an immediate change of behavior.” Chris Baker November 09, 2019, 12:58 PM
TXJIM3 times in 20 years is not stalking, sorry. My assessment is based on the fact that when he reached out in the past and was told she wasn't interested the guy went away for years at a time. I think ignoring him is potentially worse as it may cause him to keep trying to find her, perhaps innocently in his mind, only to make him seem more stalkerish.
If she doesn't feel comfortable replying then I think the OP should. Just call him, let him know that his inquiries are making the lady uncomfortable and that any future contact will be assumed to be hostile now that he knows definitively that he is not welcome.
The dude sounds like a hopeless romantic who pines for the unrequited love of his life. Everyone who fails to understand social norms is not potentially lethal.
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November 09, 2019, 01:42 PM
irreverentIgnore.
I would be watchful for the next little bit. You’ve got to wonder what triggered him to reach out. Was the number that texted her local?
__________________________
"Trust, but verify."
November 09, 2019, 01:59 PM
SpinZoneGive us the number.
“We truly live in a wondrous age of stupid.” - 83v45magna
"I think it's important that people understand free speech doesn't mean free from consequences societally or politically or culturally."
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November 09, 2019, 02:04 PM
12131quote:
Originally posted by SpinZone:
Give us the number.
Best advice in this thread.
Q
November 09, 2019, 02:20 PM
bertoHe’s trying to reconnect with the one that got away. He going about it awkwardly but almost any attempt will be awkward. 30 years ago options were much more limited. Now with google contact info is easy to find. He texted instead of calling. That’s a more cautious approach and less awkward for both sides than an actual conversation. I’d lean towards harmless but be wary. I’d ignore the text and move on with life. If he tries again I’d tell him not interested don’t contact. Anything further from him after being told not interested don’t contact becalmed actionable.
November 09, 2019, 02:23 PM
RHINOWSOquote:
Originally posted by 12131:
quote:
Originally posted by SpinZone:
Give us the number.
Best advice in this thread.
November 09, 2019, 03:22 PM
thumperfbcquote:
Originally posted by TXJIM:
3 times in 20 years is not stalking, sorry. My assessment is based on the fact that when he reached out in the past and was told she wasn't interested the guy went away for years at a time. I think ignoring him is potentially worse as it may cause him to keep trying to find her, perhaps innocently in his mind, only to make him seem more stalkerish.
If she doesn't feel comfortable replying then I think the OP should. Just call him, let him know that his inquiries are making the lady uncomfortable and that any future contact will be assumed to be hostile now that he knows definitively that he is not welcome.
The dude sounds like a hopeless romantic who pines for the unrequited love of his life. Everyone who fails to understand social norms is not potentially lethal.
I’m in this camp and have been since the original post. At this point it isn’t alarming, just unwelcome. He should be told in very clear manner that his attempts at contact are not welcome and to move along.
Attempts to contact after that are treated differently but in our day and age tracking someone down takes little effort. That act in and of itself is not a big deal. Either you or your wife needs to tell him to take a hike, whichever she prefers.
November 09, 2019, 03:27 PM
jimmy123xEither ignore it and block the number. Or simply reply saying that it is the wrong person.
November 09, 2019, 03:28 PM
BeancookerShe should just reply “Sorry bro, you’re hitting up a dude. Wrong number. Good luck in your quest”. He won’t text back. lol
quote:
Originally posted by parabellum: You must have your pants custom tailored to fit your massive balls.
The “lol” thread November 09, 2019, 03:41 PM
AglifterThis is a joke, but you could always get a friend with a bass voice to call and say her name was George, now...
November 09, 2019, 03:59 PM
Elk Hunterquote:
Originally posted by RHINOWSO:
Ignore it and block the number.
ETA -
quote:
I'm not sure if this is a normal pattern of behavior for some people
It's not normal behavior to stalk someone you went out with a handful of time 20+ years ago.
If I really think, I can recall a couple of girls I dated in my early 20s, but I can't remember their names nor would I ever feel the need to track them down or communicate with them.
I only dated one girl before I went in the army, to Germany where I met my wife of 60+ years now. And that girl I dated? I took her to the Freshman Ball in high school.
As to the knothead stalking your wife. . . If possible, text him and tell him if he does stop, forthwith, that you will press charges against him.
Elk
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The Idaho Elk Hunter