Collected from here and there.......

1. I was in the bathroom, putting on my makeup, under the watchful eyes of my young granddaughter, as I'd done many times before. After I applied my lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 72. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I really think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6." (WOW! I really like this one -- it says I'm only '38'!)

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and whenever we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teach,es me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

I resemble some of those remarks...

When my mom came home from a trip to Jackson Hole, WY she stopped by the house to give out "presents." Calling my son, my mom says "hey Thomas, come out and help me get the presents."

She and Tom go out to the car when I hear my son say "Gandma, those aren't presents, those are shirts. Here, I'll find the presents."

Needless to say my mom took her grandson out for some ice cream followed by Toys R Us.

Maybe some kids had grandparents like those--none of my 4 were. One pair had raised 10 children and the other had raised 12, and they were not interested in the total of 41 grandchildren beyond what help they could provide on the farms when they visited. I never saw any "spoiling" done by any of my grandparents. Don't get me wrong--they were not abusive or cruel, just not interested.

flashguy

I loved #8. Adorable.

At Thanksgiving I asked my 5 year old grand-daughter if she could tell time. She said,"yep, as long as it's a regular clock and not one of the round kind."

All of my grandparents were gone by the time I was 7.

I have fond memories of my maternal grandfather. My maternal grandmother not so much, but it was me and Grandpa Webster against the world. Probably the fondest is me sitting on his lap "driving" his '49 or '50 Ford while he smoked a cigar and sucked down a beer or two. (Hence Grandma Webster's disapproval...)

All I remember of my paternal grandfather is visiting him in the nursing home, and his funeral. Nothing whatever of my paternal grandmother.

The point, more or less, of the foregoing is that I am very conscious of the time I spend with my grandchildren. Even tho the youngest just turned 20, and most of them are married with families of their own, I harbor the hope that they will have fond memories of me.

That doesn't mean showering them with gifts. It's more about spending time with them, having some fun and providing some guidance.

Those sound like Paul Harveyisms.

Art Linkletter made a fortune collecting and publishing things like that.

quote:

Originally posted by wishfull thinker:
At Thanksgiving I asked my 5 year old grand-daughter if she could tell time. She said,"yep, as long as it's a regular clock and not one of the round kind."

I knew a high school senior who couldn't tell time on an analog clock.

Three of my four grandparents were gone by the time I was three so I have no memories of them at all. My paternal grandmother, however, lived until I was 20 and I remember her well and with fondness.

She lived almost 300 miles from us and, since this was the 1950's and Interstates, etc. were rare to non-existent, we would only see her a couple of times a year. She was a great cook and baker and during her visits would keep us in cookies, sweet rolls and fresh bread the entire time. I certainly miss that.

Here I am, on old geezer. But whenever my grandkids are around, I pay attention to them. They're not just underfoot, they're visiting. I never get enough. I want them to remember grandpa fondly. Maybe it was because I felt cheated. I never knew my paternal grandfather, he died nearly 25 years before I was born. I do remember both of my grandmothers. My maternal grandfather I've been told really liked me. I'm glad because I really liked him. We never did much together except him coming to get me so I could cut his grass.

Once he called me to bring him some whisky. My obsessive mother cleaned his apartment of all nasty old whisky. He really needed a small shot (a pour, really) to go to sleep at night. He drove all the way down his hall to his bed after that. She found his last bottle and poured it out, telling him it was bad for him.

In a moment of rebellion he asked her a classic question. "Whats it going to do, kill me young? Too late for that." So even though I was married with my own babies, I took him a bottle and we hid it. Then I told him he needed to be more careful. When it was empty, he needed to not throw it away. She found the empty and assumed he still had a live one.

Its a shame old folks can't have a drink when they want it. I really don't care what those who hate alcohol have to say. The country fought an internal civil war over that back during prohibition. Our side won.

I want my own grandchildren to remember me fondly. I hope one of the 7 is good enough to me to bring me a bottle when I'm even older and greyer.

My gunshow buddy Joe says he liked his grandfather better than anyone else he's ever known. And the old guy liked him a lot. Always took care of him, even in the bad times. I'm aware of people who just ignore theirs. Its their choice, as demented as it is. Those kids need another adult to help them. Particularly if their own parents are too busy.

My grandkids are welcome to come here to visit. My wife shares that and always has a kitchen counter covered with goodies. More hidden away. On average, one or two come her for a night every other week. I've spent a small fortune taking them out to eat. At least its and investment in making them civilized in public. I go to girls basketball games to cheer for the one grand daughter who plays. She scores a basket, she can hear her own rooting section yelling. To me, its important she knows we care. A lot.

Somewhere I've read the one thing kids remember most about grand parents is the smell. I'm thinking those researchers had unwashed kin folks.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: rburg,

My 4-year-old-grandson calls the other day.

He says: "Tell Grandma to call right away. I want to talk to her."

Me: "I sure will."

Grandson: "Don't forget Grandpa".

Me: "No sir. I will let her know right away."

My grandfathers were the two greatest men on earth, although I suspect many of us could say that. Almost everything useful and gentlemanly I learned from one.
One of them got out of Ireland after the '16 one step ahead of the RIC, and the other was a one-room school teacher , dirt farmer, and John Deere salesman.

My grandparents, God bless them, didn't smell peculiar. Two of my great-grandparents, who I was lucky to know when I was a wee tyke, were another matter. They were both born well before the end of the 19th century. And both used a variety of pungent liniments and ointments to insure health and longevity. I doubt that habitual daily bathing figured in their philosophies much, as well. Waste of water.