'a word to the sufficient'.....

'don't burn your bridges behind you before you cross them'

Firearms related: Ballister Molina becomes Ballerina Molester. Heard this the other day and it cracked me up.

Norm Crosby made a comedy career out of mangled sayings.

I worked with a guy of Eastern Indian descent who was famous for these. By far the most memorable was:
"She's got an ace up the hole." (Ace up her sleeve + an ace in the hole)

My wife says ...6 to one ,half a dozen to the other.

I always say “it’s not rocket surgery” to my kids. Makes them laugh. My wife had never heard of 6 of one, half dozen the other till she met me.

I could care less ....

A bird in the hand is a penny earned...

quote:

Originally posted by H&K-Guy:
Mixed metaphors aren't rocket surgery.

H&K-Guy

Or brain science....

You are deer fishing in a trout pond.

You are trying to tree a catfish.

quote:

Originally posted by arfmel:
"Half of one, six dozen of the other"

If it's a good thing I'll take the 6 dozen!

I recall one from my mother when discussing a relationship breakup when I was a kid. She said: don’t worry son, there’s plenty more fish to fry.

I worked with a few winners and two of the funniest were:
My wife had the cartridges in her knee replaced. I asked to what caliber?
After a teacher's strike was settled on of the custodians was saying:
Our pay checks are going to be radioactive. I told him he couldn't cash it for twenty years.

'You think I'm no fool, but that's where you're mistaken...'

My dad.

tac

I worked for a French guy who, not being a native English speaker, used to get his sayings mixed up. Two that I remember are "You are mixing apples and pears" and "There is more than one way to skin a chicken".

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw black kettles

My former coworker was a gold mine for mangled sayings and pronunciations. It's one thing for a foreignor to do this, but this racist redneck's lightly branched family tree has been in the US for many generations.

His car had a Cadillac convertor on it (referring to the catalytic convertor)

He loved to eat Vin-uh sausages (can't pronounce Vienna)

There were many more, but I've forgotten most because I haven't worked with him in nearly 20 years.

I worked with a Chinese woman who didn't so much mangle sayings, but mangled descriptive phrases. I got pretty good at figuring out what she meant, but once she came in to work and said her hair was a "chicken house."

It took me a while, but with a little help from her, I realized she meant her hair was like a bird's nest.

Another time, she went around with an eyeglasses case asking people if they had lost their "eyeball box."

The smoker you drink, the player you get

quote:

Originally posted by Skull Leader:
Does the Pope shit in the woods?!?!?!

One of my favorites.