Christmas gifts for the wife

December 11, 2019, 06:44 PM

I just asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas.

'A divorce!' she shouted

'I wasn't planning on spending that much on you' I replied.

And that's when the fight started.

December 11, 2019, 06:56 PM

HRK

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

December 11, 2019, 09:10 PM

ScooterX

A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly realized the her husband was missing, and as they had a lot to do, she called him on the mobile.

The wife said " where are you, you know we have lots to do?"

He said "you remember that jewelers we were in about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said one day I would get it for you?"

Little tears started to flow down her cheek, and she got all choked up,,,,, "Yes I do remember that shop" she replied.
Well I am in the gun store, next door to that.

December 11, 2019, 09:58 PM

Sailor1911

quote:
Originally posted by ScooterX:
A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly realized the her husband was missing, and as they had a lot to do, she called him on the mobile.

The wife said " where are you, you know we have lots to do?"

He said "you remember that jewelers we were in about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said one day I would get it for you?"

Little tears started to flow down her cheek, and she got all choked up,,,,, "Yes I do remember that shop" she replied.
Well I am in the gun store, next door to that.

Winner!

Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.

“If in winning a race, you lose the respect of your fellow competitors, then you have won nothing” - Paul Elvstrom "The Great Dane" 1928 - 2016

December 11, 2019, 10:44 PM

chellim1

^^ I read that yesterday in another thread...

"Some things are apparent. Where government moves in, community retreats, civil society disintegrates and our ability to control our own destiny atrophies. The result is: families under siege; war in the streets; unapologetic expropriation of property; the precipitous decline of the rule of law; the rapid rise of corruption; the loss of civility and the triumph of deceit. The result is a debased, debauched culture which finds moral depravity entertaining and virtue contemptible."
-- Justice Janice Rogers Brown

"The United States government is the largest criminal enterprise on earth."
-rduckwor

December 11, 2019, 10:53 PM

Hangtime

All good but ScooterX ...tops!

December 12, 2019, 03:52 AM

An elderly man and wife had been sitting on a park bench for a while. The husband said I think my butt’s asleep. His wife replied I know. I heard it snoring.