Well, you probably can't talk me out of it, but you guys here are the best sounding board I know of. Long story unfortunately, I just really needed to write it out for my own good.

Had a job for the last two years, it was good, fairly low stress with decent but not great pay.

The manager who hired me is well respected in the field, and treated me like an equal. He included me on higher level projects. He was hired on 6 months earlier and I was his first hire. A couple months ago he was "demoted" to a "parallel" position even though we had the best numbers of any branch in the region. My opinion is, he's too nice of a guy for the corporate weenies in charge.

Regardless, I got the feeling he was going to jump and I got nervous since I was one of his hires and my job is kind of a specialized position that most of the Rolex wearing fuckers know little about, hence I'm probably next in the layoff frenzy they're in.

I heard about a job making 30k more in my field working for a mega communications outfit, you could guess it in one or two tries. They put their spin on it, and I told them how I approach the work and I thought we were good, so I accepted the job.

During the month long interviewing/hiring process my father was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer, and it had spread. They gave him 6 months and wanted to star chemo. He declined so quickly he never started chemo and went into hospice on the Friday before I was to start the new job. I at that point let the new employer what was going on, they talked it over and said to start on Monday and take bereavement leave when The time came.

He passed the next day on Saturday, and I informed the new boss that evening. I asked to push the first day back a week, but they wanted me to start on Monday and take Tuesday off for the burial. I told them I was basically in charge of everything and would need Monday off as well, no problem I was assured. When I filled out my time for the 1st week, I asked grow to code the Monday and Tuesday and was told to start regular time on Wednesday and they would handle monday/Tuesday . Sure enough first check was for 3 days only, and I asked about the two days in advance. I was fine with not being paid, but not fine with being lied to about it. The new manger knows it wasn't on there, he emailed me the first pay stub.

I think they pressured me to get on the job, afraid I'd get cold feet or something. I'm not that guy, and told them so.

To make matters worse, the closest facility to me to work out of is a 300,000 sq ft bldg with like 3 other people and no windows. I was aware of this beforehand, but underestimated what it would be like. It feels like 8 hours of solitary confinement. I'm not sleeping more than a couple hours every night, and start dreading the next day as soon as I leave.

I don't think I can take much more, there are other issues too. I feel like a dumb ass for quitting the other job and taking an even more corporate job, even though my days may have been numbered there as well.

My old boss called today, he is striking out on his own and was going to offer me a spot when he could afford it.

I feel like going in and quitting tomorrow even though I've only been there two weeks.

I can make it a couple months no problem on savings, longer if I had to.
I can get by on a lot less money if need be, the house is paid for, one car loan and daughter pays for her own college through scholarships, minus incidentals. Wife makes enough money we won't starve in the short term, and she is 100% supportive ....I'm very lucky in that regard!

I have a couple other prospects too if the old boss thing doesn't work out, or I could start up my own company for very little and start out working out of the house.

Probably need some time off, and talk to a professional. Never cried once through the whole ordeal with dad, and now feel the most depressed I've ever felt in my life.

If you read this far, any advice or words of encouragement would be appreciated.

Hey man,

First off sorry about your dad. Mine died when I was 19, and I really struggled with it a long time. It can be hard


Which is why I don't know that I would make any major life altering decisions until you're in a little better state of mind. Part of why you dread the new job is you may not be mentally equipped to make what was already a fairly big life change without any complications. There is a chance, if you walk away from this opportunity, you may regret it later

Also, if you want professional advice and help, does the job with big corporate have health insurance and benefits that would give you access to such?

My advice would be to seek the help you think you need while maintaining the status quo everywhere else

Talk to the help about this decision/problem as well


Once you're in a better state of mind, then re-evaluate


I got hurt shortly after my dad died and spent a lot of time in the hospital. When I went up for med review boards, the Army basically gave me the option to spend more time in the hospital with the potential to return to active duty, or to take a medical discharge. At the time I was tired of getting cut on, and the person I would have sought out for advice was gone. I took the medical. There have been times I regretted it. Of course, by the same token, when I was outprocessing from Walter Reed is when I started dating my wife of almost 20 years with whom I have three children.


Give yourself some time to grieve, mourn and heal before you do anything too drastic

Sorry you are going through a rough patch, and my sincere condolences to you regarding your father.

Don't underestimate the impact your grief may have on your feelings at present. The things about the new job that bother you might not seem quite so bad had you not had to deal with sudden loss of your farther, on top of the job changes. It's a bit of a perfect storm, but storms always pass.

Were I in your shoes, I'd talk to a professional. Feeling depressed, not sleeping, dreading going in to work, all while you are greiving is a lot to have to deal with.

There doesn't seem to be to be any assurance that quitting your current job will make you feel a lot better, at present, and it will introduce new stresses if you don't find something much better in a matter of weeks.

So, IMO, seek help, don't quit until you get a better assessment of what you're going through, and maybe lay out a plan/some goals based on that assessment.

Best of luck.

^^^

On the list of things that are of tremendous stress.

Loss of parent is way up there.

Major job change is in the same airspace.

Considering major career change (partnering or starting your own business) is cousin to the item above.

So, you have pegged the stress meter and are carrying more than you can bear, even though you have not moved on #3, the very thing being "real" in your mind, makes it "real" in the stress department.

You have my condolences and you have my "support" and well wishes in regard to all of this.

Sometimes we make our own trouble from making bad discussion, eyes wide open, but wearing those rose colored glasses, and other times, in spite of trying to do "the best", "the worst" comes to ride shotgun.

If you can tough out the job until you can get better assessment, evaluation and a solid plan, do that.

Another thing is this time of year is frenetic and all the "energy" if you will, of everyone wound up during holidays, short days, and so many things happening around you, adds to the angst.

My best thoughts and a prayer for you during this.

My deepest condolences on the loss of your dad.

Lots of excellent advice, and all I can do is echo it. If you can get through the holidays and into next year without changes other than getting some professional help things might look different. Many corporate jobs have an AEP (or similar acronym) program that provides professional counseling help for whatever issues employees are dealing with.

Thinking good thoughts for you and yours.

I'm sorry about your dad.

Lots of good advice above, especially regarding not underestimating grief and its effects.

Best of luck.

I lost my father at a young age. 27 years old. He was only 56. He spent 3 months in ICU with a staff infection that got into his blood stream and was a very tough road. I spent 4 days a week, all day at the hospital with him and my sister the other 3 for 3 months. It was very tough and very tough for the following several years. I poured myself into work and that helped a lot.

I don't know what to tell you in regards to work. Perhaps find a job that you find fun or interesting or dealing with a lot of people, even if it JUST pays the bills (barely) that's fine. Just something that makes you happy. Once youre in a better position with what happened with your father, regroup and find a better job. Just don't turn to substances to deal with things. I always did things that I thought my father would of been proud of me for doing and thought of it that way.

Thanks guys.
He was only 64, retired and still doing manual labor on the farm.
It hit pretty fast, and out of nowhere.

My wife told me basically what all of you said, I knew she was smart!, but still supports me either way.

She lost both parents in a matter of a couple years. I now feel bad that I didn’t go out of my way to make her life easier back then. Probably not much I could have done but listen really.

I see the mega stress factors piling up, but am also self aware enough to say that there is a 0.0% chance I will be in this job 5 years from now even if I tough it out. I put 15 years in at a firm and 8 at another. I’m in my mid 40s and no longer see it as a career, just a job, trading time for money.

I’m about ready to purge a large chunk of the knife gun collection, even before all this. So lack of money should be less stressful than the job to me at this point.

It’s basically a call center/support job tied to a desk all week, and now they want calls forwarded to cel in the evening and laptop on vpn at all times. I’m used to being in and out of the office, seeing real people etc, Doing some actual field work and arguing with contractors, all the fun stuff. Looking back, it was the money that enticed me. If they offered 5k more instead of 30, I would have turned it down.

I’m too old and been doing this shit for too long to work 60 hours a week, even for what they pay.
I got a call while I was in the basement, and missed it this evening, guarantee it was the new boss testing me.

I have call forwarding set up, but no way to retrieve voicemail, they just turn you loose with Mujibir, I mean “Steve” on tech support, and nothing gets fixed quickly.

quote:

Originally posted by ElKabong:
I put 15 years in at a firm and 8 at another. I’m in my mid 40s and no longer see it as a career, just a job, trading time for money.

Aren't they all?
My career was FF/Medic in the 5th or 6th largest city in the country, depending on who's counting. VERY satisfying but a real test/drain on resources to cope. (you can only deal with so much death and destruction for years on end)

As others have noted, make the job decision when you're not being pulled in 6 different emotional directions.
That would screw up anyone. You don't want to make possibly life changing choices when you are already stressed out to the max.
Dad dying *is* being stressed out to the max. You're feeling it and need some time.

Take a breath...give it some time. Try being as objective as you can be while being a subjective participant.
The decision you make should be the one you run with - right or wrong - without looking back and thinking "if only.."
That can happen no matter what choice you make but make the best choice you can while weighing all the pros and cons.

Prayers for you and yours Elk.

ElKabong,

I know what you're going through (sort of), brother. My father dropped dead from a heart attack early on a Monday morning - my second Monday morning at a new firm where I had basically been hired to manage a litigation unit. In fact, I was almost on my way out the door to head to a major settlement conference when my mom called with the news.

My world was shaken and I really didn't care about my job at that point. Taking care of family matters was my priority. I made the necessary phone calls and apologies, but I didn't return to work until the next week. I still wasn't back to normal for several weeks after that.

Take your time. Don't do anything rash. You can quit any time you like, but that door usually swings one way - especially in a large corporate environment.

Kevbo's suggestion about seeing if your benefits include any kind of Employee Assistance Program (free counselor to talk about life shit) might be worth looking into. Just to have a live human to talk to.

Remember - you said it yourself in so many words - at the end of the day, you work for yourself. You're trading your particular skills which your employer needs for some of their money which you need. It's a simple exchange of goods for services like any other. Don't let it become more than that and you'll be fine in the end.

Most importantly - make sure your wife knows that you appreciate her support and don't let her ever think you're taking advantage of it or taking her for granted.

Prayers inbound.

-Rob