I've always believed that if someone asks a question that is none of their business, it is OK to lie to them.

The guns are a minor part of this, just lock them up and prevent access. Answer as such.

The real issue is the Son’s behavior & school achievement. Maybe it is to much, sounds like an ‘accelerated’ program. I do agree with limiting electronic toys.

He may need a tutor, other help, or switch classes. Keep a close eye on him and who he hangs with. We have 2 midlin boys.

Public school systems are the government.

Plan accordingly.

quote:

Originally posted by jhe888:
In light of the statements he made, that concern is valid.

What statements in specific? That's the problem at this point in this situation. No one including ador knows specifically what was said and if any 'real' threat(s) have been leveled. I agree that lying to school administration is a bad idea and should be avoided. However, ador 'can' vaguely address the issue by noting "all firearms are secured from my son and as such not an issue" and then direct the conversation back to exploring the circumstances that led to the meeting and what actions need to be taken.

Ador, please keep an open mind on the math subject. Some people just have a very hard time comprehending math.
I'm 67 years old and I AM one of those people! I struggled all through life with it.
Everybody just tells me I am not trying but I tried everything. Getting extra help from friends & relatives. I took extra adult education classes and remedial class at the community college.
I can do a checkbook and that type of stuff but algebra and geometry completely baffle me.

As far as your son "opening up", he may not have a clue of the problem or what is causing it.
Please get him some help!

Sorry for your current issues. Allow me to share a similar story with a happy ending.

My Nephew. He started down that path and eventually became unmanageable and out of control to the point he was going to be expelled or quit school. My brother finally sent him to a very strict private boarding school, out of state and away from his less then desirable friends. It was very expensive but it worked. Today that young man has a wife, two kids and has worked up through the ranks to head manager of a Walgreens store.

I really liked the suggestion of the counter-question - "Why do you ask?" with the response "That is not a concern.".

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. Just want to give an update from what transpired this morning with the meeting.

Just to make evryone at ease about the firearm issue I brought up in my original post, All firearms are secured. My son don’t have acces at all. I am like most of the members (if not all) here in this forum. I take firearm ownership and safety very seriously.

Both my wife and I took emergency leave from work today so we can both be there and understand what happened and what is going on with our son. Our first meeting was with the Asst. Principal. The “self harm” issue was NOT even brought up. Just like what I initially thought. Our son was probably venting off because of stress from school academics (Math), being new to his HS (magnet school), being separated from his Middle School friends. So my concern about being asked about firearm ownership DID NOT even came up.

Sexual Harassment - we were told that a female classmate/friend (no longer friends
i guess) filed a harassment complaint against our son. The claim was he texted her a joke that was sexual in nature, have slapped her once in the butt and couple of other green jokes. This all happened few months ago. I guess it only came up last week because they had an argument about something in class. What he did was wrong. He said he apologized to the classmate back then. I kept reminding our son to always respect others, girls and boys, young and old. It doesn’t matter. I kept telling him that something he thinks is funny, might not be funny to others. Now he learned a hard lesson. I’m sure he will not forget.

Math - second meeting was with his Math teacher and school counselor. Apparently, our son is not paying attention in class. He always talk to this other boy during class. They are already asked to seat opposite ends of the room. Somehow, they still send each other text message jokes. When asked if he need help with anything, he always say no and they he gets it. He is doing good with English and Science. Math has always been his weakness. We are going to get him whatever help we can give him. But we asked him that he have to do his part.

He was placed on In-house suspension today. They let him stay in school. But they have to re-arrange his classes so he will have no interaction with the female classmate.

I already took away his cel phone last Friday. I will buy him a regular non-internet based phone so he can call or text us for emergency when he is in school. I also started calling around today, trying to find a private counselor who maybe be able to talk to him. We are hoping that that counselor will be able to help him out adjusting and focusing with school.

We told him how much we love him abd that his dad and mom are always going to be here for him. I am praying that we pass this stage of his life without him go through a really rough time.

Thank you all for listening.

I would move my guns to a friend's house, except for one that I would keep in a quick-access safe with a new combination. Then I would answer the question honestly, "I have one gun that I keep locked up at all times. He has no access to it."

I would suggest two other things. Have your son see a counsellor. See if he would prefer to see the counsellor alone, or with you. Like most things, counsellors vary, but there are good ones.

Get him a math tutor, and remain open to the possibility of choosing a more basic level of math. You might need to go through a couple of tutors before you find one that is a good fit with your son's needs.

Let your son know that you love him, and that you are with him in getting through this. And that you will both get through it.

quote:

Originally posted by ador:
Math - second meeting was with his Math teacher and school counselor. Apparently, our son is not paying attention in class. He always talk to this other boy during class. They are already asked to seat opposite ends of the room. Somehow, they still send each other text message jokes. When asked if he need help with anything, he always say no and they he gets it. He is doing good with English and Science. Math has always been his weakness. We are going to get him whatever help we can give him. But we asked him that he have to do his part.

Make him live without a cellphone. If he needs to call you for something he can borrow a friend's phone or go to the school office to make a call.

quote:

He was placed on In-house suspension today. They let him stay in school. But they have to re-arrange his classes so he will have no interaction with the female classmate.

Forgive me, but this is just stupid (and typical of public education). Your son and this girl need to learn to coexist in the same space to insure the issue(s) are resolved. Separating students is asinine, and virtually impossible to accomplish in actual practice.

Keep doing what you're doing ador. You're addressing the core issues, and hopefully over time, your son will find his way out of this problem.

A math tudor can really make a big difference. One of my two boys needed on and it took only a few sessions for him to catch up and get good grades again.

FYI: both of my sons went to a *Magnet School Program* and the school will not tolerate anything but A’s and B’s because they loose their state funding. They may offer tudoring after school or homework help.

quote:

Originally posted by ador:

I already took away his cel phone last Friday. I will buy him a regular non-internet based phone so he can call or text us for emergency when he is in school.

Thank you all for listening.

I'm 38 and didn't have a cell phone until I graduated undergrad in 2002. I wouldn't run out and buy him a new "not so smart phone", he will still be able to text his friends and get in trouble in school. School has a landline, if there is a personal emergency he can go to the office. It we are talking "active shooter" or fire emergency, the odds of that happening are pretty small compared to the very large odds of him still screwing around with his phone in class on your dime and I imagine he can borrow a phone from someone.

Or let him keep his cell phone, but put a really long password on it and parental controls, so it cant be used during school hours.

If I can be of help with the trig tutoring, Skype works great for distance tutoring.

I too had issues with trig until I learned to apply it to real world examples. Then it suddenly made sense.

Good job, mom and dad

quote:

Originally posted by Sig2340:
I too had issues with trig until I learned to apply it to real world examples. Then it suddenly made sense.

Funny how many of my classmates in high school struggled with Geometry while I breezed right through it. My bet, it had a great deal to do with working every summer for my uncle, a residential GC, doing every manner of construction work. Cutting angled roof sheathing when you're drying in is a whole lot easier when you see how the Pythagorean Theorem works in actual practice.

I duuno, I respect the concern but I don't see anything radical to be concerned about.
A little discipline and supervision seems all that is needed.
I know days everything is uber-hyped and concern is fine but not seeing anything to "hide the guns" about.
Good luck on your progress.

Like I thought - Math isn't some mythical mysterious topic - the kids just weren't applying themselves, instead they were just playing virtual grabass and fucking off.

Shocker.

Discipline pays off. Two of my kids broke a major rule while having a friend over this weekend. They have lots of freedom and privileges since they are straight-A honor students, but the figurative hammer fell hard on them both.

It hurts to do it and it makes your life harder as a person to actually be a parent. But that's the job.

Plenty of time later in life to be their friends.

quote:

Originally posted by bigdeal:

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:

quote:

Originally posted by c1steve:
The underlying problem is probably that you are pushing your son too hard. I have a friend who is a math tutor, and he tells me that people's brains mature at different rates, and not to worry about someone struggling at math. What might be difficult or impossible one year, could be easy 6-12 months later. Pushing him may make him feel like a failure, or that he is stupid, when he is not.

And "F" isn't struggling, it's failing or just fucking off.

Regardless, the primary focus needs to be on what the root cause of this outcome is. Only then can a plan be devised to address it.

And for what its worth, I too might have fallen into your "failing or F-ing off" bucket in high school. I did poorly in a number of classes (usually math and stats) in high school because I am far too impatient to absorb information at the rate the teacher offered it at. Lots of C's came out of this environment. On the other hand, every online college prep and/or actual college course I took, that I could finish as fast as I was capable of absorbing the information, resulted in straight A's. There are three or four college courses I can think of off the top of my head where I attended the first day of class and the scheduled test dates, but not one other day. I sat in my room and learned the material on my own and aced the classes.

ador needs to find the core reason his son is failing, whatever that reason is, and then work on fixing it, which is exactly where his focus appears to be.

In the end it was fucking off.

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:
In the end it was fucking off.

Or maybe not. Since the son is doing fine in the rest of his classes, he must only be "F-ing Off" in math class? Having had a son go through high school, I'd suggest that's unlikely. If he's "F-ing Off" at school, you'd likely see it in his other classes as well. There's likely a bit more to this issue, and ador seeking out a math tutor is likely a very good start to resolving the issue.