Forum friends, please help me out with my situation here. We are having that "teenage problem" with our 14 y/o son right now. Friday afternoon, I received a voice mail from the Assistant Principal of my son's HS. They wanted to have a face to face talk with my wife and I about a harassment complaint filed against our son at school (text messages, sexual jokes, etc). Asst. Principal will not give me details and wanted to see us first thing Monday morning. Otherwise, our son cannot come back to class.

Asst. Principal also wanted to talk to us about a comment he made to his classmate about hurting himself. He is heaving difficult time in Math and currently have "F". I guess talking to our son and pushing him to work harder is putting a great deal of pressure on him. We tried talking to him since Friday night but he would not open up. I have been calling our health insurance to find a Licensed Family Therapist that we are hoping will be able to help him.

My FEAR is that IF the Asst. Principal take that statement seriously, she might call the school district police and have him placed under a mandatory 72 Hour hold for psych evaluation. I work in an adult mental hospital and I can tell you, you don't want to be admitted in such facility if you really don't need to. I also worked in a juvenile mental health facility in the past. Juveniles are the worst patients. Some really do need help. But some just want to ditch school. Our son needs help. We will find someone to help him out.

So, here is my final concern/question. IF the Asst. Principal ask me tomorrow if I have any firearms at home, what is the BEST answer?

1.NO?
2. I refuse to answer that question.
3. YES. They are ALL locked in a safe that I am the only one who have access.

Lastly, can they have police come to my house and confiscate my firearms? Or will they show up and check to make sure my firearms are ALL secured?

I love my son. I will do everything I can to help him out with this stage of his life. However, I don't want to lose my firearms over something he verbalized in school.

I am now thinking of moving my firearms at a friends house tonight. Am I over reacting and over thinking this?

Any advise before tomorrow morning will be greatly appreciated.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: ador,

Perhaps overreacting, hard to say until you in now the details. I'm guessing if that question is asked it is out of concern for the students ability to carry out the threat or something larger coupled with a generic approach to parents (some being total idiots).

I would say that based on your breakdown you have a good handle on the potential situation, the various options, and will respond appropriately.

quote:

Originally posted by ador:
So, here is my final concern/question. IF the Asst. Principal ask me tomorrow if I have any firearms at home, what is the BEST answer?

1.NO?
2. I refuse to answer that question.
3. YES. They are ALL locked in a safe that I am the only one who have access.

...

I am now thinking of moving my firearms at a friends house tonight. Am I over reacting and over thinking this?

Any advise before tomorrow morning will be greatly appreciated.

IMO, you’re not providing enough info.

1. Are ALL of you’re firearms locked up?
2. If yes, does your son have access to them (eg knows combos or key locations)?
3. Are you in fear of your son? I ask this question because of Sandy Hook.

If the answer is yes, no, no then if the school asks the answer is they’re all locked and he does not have access. Point, period, end of discussion.

If the answer is anything except yes, no, no then you have some hard decisions to make.

Inventory all fire arms, trigger locks and change the combination.

No harm done.

Hope and prayers sent Mitch

“That’s none of your business.”

But it will lead them to believe that you do have weapons.

Really just say NO if it comes up.

When I was a cop it was real easy to get a court order to Involuntary Commit someone. Called an IVC. The school could do it also. The criteria is the the party is a threat to himself or others...it’s super simple. Just say little bobby was talking about shooting himself and I fear it’s real your honor....boom, papers issued, cops go round up little bobby and he sees a doc at the local er who sees if little bobby is really an issue or not. If not , he’s released...most times it goes the other way because no one wants little bobby to go out and shoot up the town.

the IVC is issued by a judge so theoretically it could contain a blurb about securing all weapons he owns or has available or access to.

I’d change the combo right now and if the cops show up with a WARRANT, telling you to open it. I wouldn’t. Those are my guns and little bobby can’t get in. Neither can you. If you want a Judge to cut into the safe to keep little bobby out of them while he is incarcerated, then go back to the judge and get him to write that down.

So the answer is , “N o, I don’t have any guns.”

I would suggest seeing a Licensed Clinical Psychologist in your case. Psychologists frequently do civil committment evaluations and also are admitted into Federal Court as expert witnesses. I would not be comfortable with a lower level provider in your case.

Of course with teenage kids it is best to have all firearms locked away and secured except the one you may have on your person for self defense.

LMFT are not considered experts when it comes to committment evaluations.

quote:

I’d change the combo right now and if the cops show up with a WARRANT, telling you to open it. I wouldn’t. Those are my guns and little bobby can’t get in. Neither can you. If you want a Judge to cut into the safe to keep little bobby out of them while he is incarcerated, then go back to the judge and get him to write that down.

Maybe it's different in other parts of the country, but around here most warrants regarding situations where there may be safes include the safe. Usually best to open it if they have a warrant, otherwise they will indeed rip it apart to get in.

If you move them to a friend's house, you can truthfully answer "No, there are no firearms in my house."

1. (YES) All firearms are locked inside my safe.
2. (NO) He don't have access to the same. Manual lock combination. ONLY me knows the code (Not even my wife knows it).
3. (NO) I am not in fear of my son's safety.

I am sure it is just the typical teenage phase he is going through.

My wife and I both took the day off from work tomorrow. We will both speak to the Asst. Principal. I just got off the phone with Cigna. They emailed me a list of Licensed Family Therapist. I will try to make a walk-in appointment tomorrow to get started.

I am just worried about how the Asst. Principal will deal with the firearms being at home.

So the proper answer I suppose if asked will be, "Yes I have firearms. They are securely LOCKED inside my vault and our son DO NOT have access to the vault".

I wouldn't get that specific. I would just say something along the lines of anything like that in my house is secured and locked up to where he cannot access it.

Saying firearms and vault might cause concern that you have an 'arsenal' in your house. Leaving it a little vague can give them they Fuddy got a double barrel and a six shooter sense.

Putting Firearms completely aside.

I would step to that admin and state they are failing your child and thus need to step up.
The behavior of a child in school can be directly linked to social and peer pressures.
When the kids feel less than the peer cohort, shit goes down.



Im totally serious on this. We have a dyslexic child and this is similar to what went down.
Pushing and shoving in our situation.

As we peeled back the layers we had a neuro psyche done and bingo. Undiagnosed dyslexia. It’s a bitch. But we caught it.

Press the issue back to them and make no bones about it. Call out the teacher and get the full skinny. They owe you and your family every aspect of what’s up.

Calm, cool and collected.

ador...I think you're getting ahead of things. First off, sorry you're going through this. I know what a mental drain it can be. Next, until you get to the Asst Principal and get the specifics of what exactly has occurred, I wouldn't get too entangled with the rest. Personally, I have kids and would never entertain 'any' conversation whatsoever by a public school system about what I do or don't own in my home. Its none of their damn business and not pertinent to the situation.

IMO the most important aspects here are 1) get the details from the Asst Principal and go from there, and 2) keep doing what you're doing in finding a good mental health professional for your son.

I wish you all the best with this, and may God bless you and your family.

"Why do you ask?"

Then, whatever the response:

"I can assure you, that's not a concern"

Ador,

I'm sorry for the struggles that you and your family are going through.

I know that what follows is not an urgent item, but being in the "business" of education I'd like to offer something to consider in the realm of academics:

Is the struggle with math a Can't or a Won't? I've learned to pause on these two questions and work with the kid, teachers, and parents/guardians as a team to figure it out.

As an example, we are working with a kid who cheats and had been a painful classroom presence in his past schools and with us. We ran him through a reading test. A High school kid, reading at the second-grade level. He could compensate because his auditory skills and memory are so strong, but those skills could not enable him to read a book, nor write his papers. That kid was visibly relieved to discuss working towards developing his skills rather than being told to work harder. To be sure, I've seen the reverse where students were not sufficiently challenged. They had the skills but failed classes because it was not challenging enough for them.

At 14 I will assume that he is a freshman and possibly enrolled in first-year Algebra. In any case here are some things to consider:
Did he possess sufficient skills at the start of the class?

What is the "track record" of his current teacher?

Does the school offer tutoring or after school academic assistance programs?

Where in the classroom does he sit and with whom?

Does the pacing of the lessons conflict with how your son learns? My middle kid went through this, hugely frustrated at the speed of the lessons... after high school, she was the top student in the college of science at a major regional university... after working as a cryptologist.

Does he have an opportunity to shine at school or in the community? The educational system can be mind numbingly focused on deficit remediation to the extent of ignoring a student's strengths.

The transition from middle school to high school can be, well, hell for lots of kids. Every year we graduate many kids who had mighty struggles at the start of high school but they figured it out (and yes, this includes students who at one time threatened or harassed others). Your son has involved parents and that is a big plus.

In terms of the meeting in some districts when a student has made threats of harm to others or themselves a formal process is instituted to evaluate the seriousness of the threat, including both the ability and likelihood of carrying the threat out. At least in our district a procedure is followed to help insure that we did not overlook something more serious and to be just. It also can be an opportunity for the family to learn about resources in the community that can help. Occasionally, law enforcement is involved generally to help us, the student, and parents understand what constitutes a threat or what is harrassment.

Best wishes,

Silent

As worried as you are, do you have a lawyer who could accompany you to the meeting? With such short notice of it, I'd demand a delay if your lawyer can't make it tomorrow.

The underlying problem may be that you are pushing your son too hard. I have a friend who is a math tutor, and he tells me that people's brains mature at different rates, and not to worry about someone struggling at math. What might be difficult or impossible one year, could be easy 6-12 months later. Pushing him may make him feel like a failure, or that he is stupid, when he is not.

I suggest not pressuring him, but perhaps get a math tutor.

As to the guns, it is none of their business. So perhaps BS them back and say "of course not". Then make sure everyone is fully locked up.

quote:

Originally posted by newtoSig765:
As worried as you are, do you have a lawyer who could accompany you to the meeting? With such short notice of it, I'd demand a delay if your lawyer can't make it tomorrow.

Why on earth would you inject a lawyer into the equation at this point? I'd speculate that doing so here in Central Florida would result in the Asst Principal cancelling the meeting, or being completely unwilling to have any sort of open dialogue on the issue(s). There's plenty of time for attorneys (if deemed necessary), but not IMO, at this first meeting. Go to the meeting and get the details while appearing willing to work with the school in resolving whatever issues exist.

quote:

Originally posted by c1steve:
The underlying problem is probably that you are pushing your son too hard. I have a friend who is a math tutor, and he tells me that people's brains mature at different rates, and not to worry about someone struggling at math. What might be difficult or impossible one year, could be easy 6-12 months later. Pushing him may make him feel like a failure, or that he is stupid, when he is not.

And "F" isn't struggling, it's failing or just fucking off.

But then again in today's kinder gentler society, he probably needs some candy and a new smartphone to feel well enough to learn.

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:

quote:

Originally posted by c1steve:
The underlying problem is probably that you are pushing your son too hard. I have a friend who is a math tutor, and he tells me that people's brains mature at different rates, and not to worry about someone struggling at math. What might be difficult or impossible one year, could be easy 6-12 months later. Pushing him may make him feel like a failure, or that he is stupid, when he is not.

And "F" isn't struggling, it's failing or just fucking off.

But then again in today's kinder gentler society, he probably needs some candy and a new smartphone to feel well enough to learn.

Man, a member is asking for help, and you're in here copping a 'tude? Take it elsewhere. The man is asking for help, not BS.