Just make sure she knows you love her no matter what and then ask her if she still wants to keep doing the tournaments or just become a "casual" bow enthusiast...

My question is not meant to rude. Did your daughter do Archery to please you or to please herself?

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Originally posted by Ronin1069:

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Originally posted by 2000Z-71:
Whole post

That may be the greatest overall post on parenting I have ever read on this site.

Well done dad, on all fronts!

I second these comments!

I know my daughter turned into a handful around 13 and at 17 is now a young adult i could not be more proud of so hang in there.

I will say that taking the phone/tablet/computer away is the most effective discipline tool available to us today. It basically shuts down their social pipeline and that is pure torture to a teen girl. My daughter learned that the number one reason she had a cell phone was for her mom and I to reach her and if she ignored calls or texts then she just did not need a phone...to this day I still will not allow her to changer her apple ID and she knows I look at "find my iphone" all the time, mainly for her safety

2000Z - I, like many here, have watched in awe of you and your daughter's accomplishments and appreciate you taking us along for the ride.
The next few years can be challenging but as a Dad who has raised two boys (actually still working on the second one) all I can say is that I'm glad I had boys...

Keep up the great job!

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I will say that taking the phone/tablet/computer away is the most effective discipline tool available to us today. It basically shuts down their social pipeline and that is pure torture to a teen girl. My daughter learned that the number one reason she had a cell phone was for her mom and I to reach her and if she ignored calls or texts then she just did not need a phone...to this day I still will not allow her to changer her apple ID and she knows I look at "find my iphone" all the time, mainly for her safety

Agreed.

And I’ll add that if your child has access to a computer at home, the power cord is the easiest weakness to clip it for the day / week / month.

I’ll also pitch a program called “Our Pact” - its for Apple and Android devices. It gives parents a lot of control over the device, to the point you can disable it’s internet access remotely from your phone or computer, disable particular apps / functions, and monitor usage (text / minutes / etc).

https://ourpact.com

It has been a great tool for us in parenting our pre-teen daughters. I was fortunate enough to stumble upon it during it’s Beta stage and its a wonderful tool for the tool box. Although sometimes the physical confiscation is warranted and has some added effect.

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:
Agreed.

And I’ll add that if your child has access to a computer at home, the power cord is the easiest weakness to clip it for the day / week / month.

I’ll also pitch a program called “Our Pact” - its for Apple and Android devices. It gives parents a lot of control over the device, to the point you can disable it’s internet access remotely from your phone or computer, disable particular apps / functions, and monitor usage (text / minutes / etc).

https://ourpact.com

It has been a great tool for us in parenting our pre-teen daughters. I was fortunate enough to stumble upon it during it’s Beta stage and its a wonderful tool for the tool box. Although sometimes the physical confiscation is warranted and has some added effect.

Thanks for the link. My wife's been saying for a couple of months now she wanted to develop an app called, "You're Grounded!" This sounds very close to her idea and we'll definitely look into it.

Yes, it’s been great - my kids call it ‘getting nuked’ when the iPad apps disappear and all they can do is look at photos and read iBooks with zero internet access (that is the default ‘locked’ stage, but it’s customizable if you get the premium service).

I have schedules set for when it’s on / off but it’s easy for the parent to over-ride with immediate block, which never ends unless you as the parent take it off. Or you can block it for a shorter timeframe - the app is very intuitive and easy to use and the kids have an app which lets them know how much time they have left, etc, etc.

I highly recommend it to anyone having device issues with their kids.

Out of curiosity, what is her end goal with archery?

Is she trying to make the Olympic team or just trying to do the best she can and have fun with it? Does she want a college scholarship? Does she want to continue archery at a professional level after school or does she have another career choice in mind?

Not sure if there is an end goal. It's a journey with an unknown destination. Olympics are probably out, unless they allow compound in or she switches to a recurve. There are some scholarships and programs available for collegiate archers, but they are not full rides like other sports offer. Professional? Maybe, but most professional archers have, "real jobs" to pay the bills.

I will say this, 2 years ago on our daddy/daughter road trip to Utah she got a glimpse of the possibilities. Our shop's owner arranged a private tour of the Hoyt factory for us. At the end of the tour we wound up in the marketing department. The conference room was full of sketches, fabric samples and all kinds of stuff. Our guide explained to us that their marketing department had just finished working with their pro staff and US Olympic team for their upcoming year's logos, promotional material and clothing. Our daughter's eyes lit up. She was like, "Really I could work here, draw cool stuff, work with the US Olympic team and get paid for it?" So she thinks she wants to go into marketing for something archery related.

I don't know what the end goal is or if there is even one. It's been a journey with a lot of life lessons for her and one I hope she continues on. She says she wants to compete at the higher levels and be among the best. The thing is, now that she's at the higher levels, she may have to learn how to win again.

I wanted my daughter to be a golfer then join the trap shooting club at her private school and go salmon steelhead fishing with me. She likes to act and sing and be on the cheer squad.

As soon as she graduated from high school she moved out just across town but far enough away I don't get to see her everyday. she now has a job, goes to the university of Oregon and gets good grades.

my point is let her be a kid if her heart is in it she will do it if not what's the point?

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Originally posted by reloader-1:
Who cares more about this... the parent, or the child?

This is my thought as well.

Bob

Does she participate in any other activities besides archery? Encourage the pursuit of a diversity of interests (i.e., Team sports, drama, choir, whatever). Girls in particular, cherish the friendships they build in team sports.

This is the second or so post you have made on the subject of her being unhappy. Sounds to me like she is starting to grow out of her boundaries and she may hold you, and archery, in contempt if she feels like she has no other options.

I think my first move would be to try and find out what her goals are then. What does she see herself doing in five, ten and twenty years.

If to her archery is just for fun and it has stopped being fun then I’d like to know that. I’m not saying I’d let her quit, I don’t think kids should be allowed to quit something on a whim especially knowing how much time and money you both have invested in this, but I’d like to know if my vision of her future matched her vision.

Don’t dismiss the idea of taking her training and competition schedule back to what it once was. It might mean losing a sponsorship or shooting for a manufacturer or whatever but personally I’d be looking to get my daughters heart back in the sport and not worry about anything else.

I’ve seen more than one kid burn out at sports. My buddy is going through it right now with his son. His kid is an amazing baseball player. Been playing since 4, playing all-stars and had personal trainers and all that. Last year his dad looked at him during a game and could tell he wasn’t having fun. So he asked and the kid said he wasn’t enjoying it. So they took a season off and he told me that his kid has his spark back and wants to sign up this summer for all-stars again.

Maybe she just needs to slow down.

X0225095 makes a good point as well. Diversity is a big topic in youth sports now with several professional athletes supporting kids playing multiple sports even if they excel at one and hope to play it at higher levels. Too narrow of a focus can be a bad thing for several reasons. Every parent I know who is serious about their kids development in baseball, basketball or football encourages their kid to do at least one other sport every year, even if just at a rec league level.

I’ll tell you that in my experience coaching both football and baseball that the kids who only play one sport are the ones most likely to want to quit sports altogether.

I had similar experiences with my son, who was a judo competitor. Starting at age 7, he was accomplished and motivated for years, lots of silver, occasional gold medals. Soon medals started to mean nothing, it was the competition and fun that drove him. But by the time he became 13 yo, he grew tired of the tournament scene. I was never one of those high pressure sideline parents, I was more known for being stoic in the stands and letting my son motivate himself; after all, my ass was not the one out on the mat getting thrown around. My son quit attending tournaments and eventually stopped judo, with no regrets to this day. He devoted more time to shooting and discovering new activities. I guess he just wanted to be a kid again. And again, no regrets.