Here goes....

Paddy is passing by Mick's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old grey Ferguson tractor.

Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right wheel well fender, followed by the left.

He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers.

Grabbing both sides of his checked shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea-stained T-shirt underneath, and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.

'What on earth are you doing, Mick?' asks Paddy

'Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me' says an obviously embarrassed Mick, 'but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.‘

tac

Was it before or after he ate his 39 beans?

A farmer walked into a bar and saw the local tractor salesman sitting there, head hung low, obviously upset, drowning his sorrows in his beer.

"What's up, John?" asked the farmer.

"Gosh Bob, I'll tell you what ... if I don't sell a tractor soon, I'm gonna have to close my shop."

"Now John, things could be worse," said Bob.

"How do you figure?" asked John.

"Well, John - you know my ornery cow, Bessie?
I went to milk her this morning and she just kept flicking her tail in my face.
So I grabbed a piece of rope and tied it up to the rafter.
Then, the nasty thing went and kicked the bucket away! So I tied her leg to the wall.
Then she kicked my stool right out from underneath me!
But I was out of rope.
So I took my belt off and used it to tie her other leg to the other side of the stall.
Well wouldn't you just know it...my damn pants fell down.

And John, if you can convince my wife that I was in there to MILK that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you TODAY!"

I had to say the punchline aloud.....