I've no doubt saved myself lots of headaches not to mention money over the years by being skeptical.

My wife on the other hand is much more inclined to take somebody's word for it. She says I need to trust more. Yes trust is important. It's knowing where to draw the line that counts.

Reagan said trust but verify. The problem is, with many situations, verification is not practical or even possible. So I'll err on the side of being too skeptical rather than too trusting.

I guess there's a middle ground somewhere but so far I haven't been able to find it.

I try to be more trusting. I like to look for the good in people, and hope that their intentions toward me are as good as mine are for them.

Trouble is, trusting everyone does not put you in a good place. You are going to be taken advantage of now and again. I try to balance this out with the good I can do others.

In the end, I actually think I am more happy getting taken advantage once in a while, as I try to be a giving person. I know this may seem naive, but being skeptical all the time can make you a bit mercurial.

I believe Machiavellian lifestyles wind up being flat, empty, and full of constant suspicion.

Except when it comes to Canadians, at least. Dirty bastages.

H&K-Guy

I used to be a trusting guy. Not worth it. My mantra every morning before I go out is, "Trust No One".

-I trust most folks on SF.
-Crap that are posted on Youtube? My level of distrust went way up.
-Corrupt media? Nuff said.
-Day-to-day FTF interactions? It's a case by case basis.

It depends on how devastating the loss to me will be if the other guy turns out to be a shitbird.

I believe in an old adage that being a skeptic aids longevity. Works for this crusty curmudgeon.

You need not be all one way or the other.

There are some situations, because of your experience and knowledge of what you are doing and who you are dealing with, trust is appropriate, efficient and wise. Charles Munger describes the relationship between Warren Buffett, himself and other management figures at Berkshire Hathaway as "the seamless web of deserved trust."

There are other situations where trust without verifying is inappropriate and foolish.

I try to trust folks generally, but I don't give folks that I don't know as having a track record of being trustworthy a whole lot of rope. Sure, they might get away with something small if I've misread them, but not enough that I'll miss it.

quote:

Originally posted by RogB:
I guess there's a middle ground somewhere but so far I haven't been able to find it.

Nope, no middle ground at all. Unless you're a close family member, you'll need to prove any claims to me before we do business. After I've dealt with someone a few times without issue, we can move a bit toward that middle ground you mentioned. But not too far...

I am incredibly skeptical by nature (and choice) about many things, and generally live by the notion of Trust But Verify, especially for anything of significance, but in practice in my daily life it depends entirely upon the topic, speaker, and whether or not it affects me in any material way. As each day goes by I get better and quicker at filtering out / not caring about / not wasting time and energy on things that are immaterial to my life. In a business context, I'd Trust only after Verify Verify Verify Verify, etc., each and every time.

I am by nature a more suspicious / skeptical type. Out of all the Disciples in the Bible, I can possibly relate to Thomas the most.

But in today's times - when you have kids - you almost have to be suspicious in a healthy way. Not paranoid - but watchful.

It's one of the reasons I miss the Army. You really got to know people VERY WELL. See what they are made of, deep down. When they are exposed to that kind of fatigue, danger, stress, physical duress, etc - the true colors show through.

I have friends from then that I would take a bullet for and they would for me also (I think...). Okay that may be a little over-stating it but you know what I mean.

HKG above mentions Machiavelli. He wrote some awesome stuff on the subject. The thing is - EVERYONE has an agenda. When you figure out what that is - then you can start to decide whether you can trust them and with what.


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This message has been edited. Last edited by: Sig209,

I'm suspicious of your posting this...
Gonna keep an eye on you.

quote:

Originally posted by H&K-Guy:
I try to be more trusting. I like to look for the good in people, and hope that their intentions toward me are as good as mine are for them.

Trouble is, trusting everyone does not put you in a good place. You are going to be taken advantage of now and again. I try to balance this out with the good I can do others.

In the end, I actually think I am more happy getting taken advantage once in a while, as I try to be a giving person. I know this may seem naive, but being skeptical all the time can make you a bit mercurial.

I believe Machiavellian lifestyles wind up being flat, empty, and full of constant suspicion.

Except when it comes to Canadians, at least. Dirty bastages.

H&K-Guy

Was watching a Little House on the Prairie episode a week or so ago. Charles was going to do some horse trading for a man he was working for.

Charles, "I hear he has a good reputation".
Employer "A man with a good reputation can slicker you quicker than a man with a bad one".

I don't attribute devious intentions to everyone I deal with, but I'm not at all surprised when they surface. I can't, I'd be even more of a sourpuss than I already am. That way lies madness.

It would be more accurate to describe myself as a dedicated pessimist. The way I see it, if you're pessimistic and the worst happens, it's no more than you expected. If things go well, you're pleasantly surprised.

PHPaul has a good point. I consider myself a realist. And being a realist tends towards making you pessimistic.

A wise old man once said to me: young man, don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see...

While in business I decided against working for 3 different clients based on a bad feeling and ended up saving myself a whole lot of grief and financial woes.

Practice HALE -

High
Aspirations
Low
Expectations

This keeps me sane whether the topic is politics, work or sports. Sure, I'd LOVE for "whatever" to go well, but I know better and expect that it probably won't.

I'm a Born Again Skeptic- Trust is earned and distributed to those who've shown themselves to be trustworthy.

Too many knives in my back to be unreasonably trusting.

That said I sold an $8000 item to an internet friend on agreement and shipped it out before receiving payment. He was golden and trustworthy. He called after I shipped it and asked for my mailing address since he didn't know where to send payment.

Being skeptical means you'll never win a Darwin Award.

I tend to agree w/Mr. Allen. There have been relationships, business and personal, where trust has been established. They are the valuable assets in one's life. Having spent most of my career buying things first as a buyer then as a purchasing director/contracting officer, I must agree with "trust but verify".

The biggist problem is that lying, misrepresentation and deceit have become acceptable if they are under the guise of "marketing". Modern Sales seminars are full of methods to draw attention to positives and away from negatives in an attempt to conceal a product's shortcomings. One can only attempt to evaluate a product as best they can. I believe the best method is to establish the best specifications possible while researching as much as possible. Get all specifications in writing and review throughly before listening to a sales pitch. Develop questions and then talk to sales. Listen to pitch and listen carfully to what's said, what's implied and what's not said. Because of modern marketing techniques many people don't actually believe they are being deceitful because deceit is considered acceptable practice.

Whenever one finds a reliable and truthful business representative, that is a most valuable asset. Proceed with caution! I suppose you can count me in the skeptic class. That's what 40 years of procurement experience will do to you.